My boyfriends in agony with chronic back pain. When we got together he just carried on. He was working. Walking loads with me. We were having regular sex. Then 2 months ago a nerve I presume has trapped. His muscles are swollen and like speed bumps in his back. He needs a scan and can't work. He's in a terrible place really.
I've stepped up to help him in various ways. Money. Food. Dog walking. Listening. Massages. Reassurance. Support.
I've been on the end of his moods and I've not taken it personally. But I've also had to be firm and put him in his place when his language was foul towards me on a particular rough couple of weeks.. he made me feel like shit and was so wrapped up in himself and his pain (understandble) he couldn't see the hurt he was causing me. Infact he ended the relationship. Blocked me on everything. 24 hours later I'm in a field walking my dog and get a text saying could I go down to talk. With tears in his eyes he explained he was sorry and ashamed. He explained he felt attacked and was struggling with side effects of pain relief and was just feeling awful. We talked and sorted it.
Today is My sons birthday. I told my boyfriend I'd head to his early evening by 7pm once my son was ready for bed and his dad would be looking after him. I called at 6pm to say I was having a quick bath and would be down in 45 minutes. He was groggy and I knew he was sleeping. He was disorientated and abit short. When I asked if he'd hear the door if he fell back to sleep he said what?? I'm not asleep. I said if you fall asleep again. I could tell he was moody so I said shall I just Come down tomorrow morning for abit. I explained I couldn't stay over until Friday after tonight etc. He just said it was up to me and seemed defensive. So I said OK well I'll come in the morning. He said right OK that's fine bye. Then went. I got of the phone and thought I hope that doesn't lead to a moody tomorrow aswel.
I've noticed since these tablets he doesn't stay awake beyond 9pm. Sex just isn't happening because of his pain. His moods are abit up and down. He's lonely. But his efforts are minimal at the moment and sitting at his house is our only option.
Ofcourse I want to be there for him and I still hope he will get sorted and stuff. But tonight feels abit shitty on his part. He could have easily text to say I'm taking my tablets early and you know they make me drowsy. Come another day. Or just walk in as I'd love to see you . But to just fall asleep when he knows I get a lift over.
I feel a little exhausted by him and the ups and downs.
Am I being unfair?