Obese partner telling me to quit smoking

[SarahBennettAdvice1978]

Hello,

I started smoking during the first lockdown, partly due to stress and partly due to having nothing else to do to be honest.

Since then, I have cut down but haven’t been able to stop completely.

My partner and I have just had a huge row about how I’m being selfish for still smoking as we have a 6yr old DS.

(Quick side note, I NEVER smoke in front of him and he has NEVER smelt smoke on me, I am quite discreet about it - none of my family even know)

Anyway, I’m being pressured to go cold turkey on health grounds as if I get cancer and die, I’m leaving behind a young child.

AIBU to bring up the fact he is technically obese? I still love him and always will, but is it too harsh for me to raise this point as part of a discussion around our life decisions relating to health?

Ultimately I will eventually give up smoking, but my partner has piled on a lot of weight since we got married 5 years ago, and I can see it disappearing as quickly.

These are two separate yet similar issues. Smoking is bad, being obese is bad. Both are hard to change but you would both benefit from changing. You should support each other not argue who's worse

OP as I'm sure you've now learned it's best not to talk about smoking on here! You are a grown woman with your own free will, unless it's impacting him in ways he can quantify, tell him to leave you alone.

Unless you are having a full shower and hair wash plus change of clothes (and immediately washing the old clothes) after every cigarette, your son has smelled smoke on you. Smokers never seem to realise how obvious the smell is, but to a non-smoker it’s clear from ten paces.

I think the difference between smoking and obesity is that being obese doesn’t impact on anyone else’s life. Smoking does. Smoking makes the environment of the smoker less healthy and pleasant for others.

You would be very petty to turn this into a tit for tat whereby you justify your smoking because your partner is fat. He will still think you ought to stop smoking - the only difference is his feelings will be hurt.

You could talk about generally trying to improve your health between you by overhauling your diet and exercise routines. But don’t make it personal just to get him off your back.

@Wombat69

You're kidding yourself if you think you can't smell smoke on someone. A sensitive non-smoker can smell fag smoke a mile off. I used to come home from my in-laws and have to wash all my clothes as they stank and she'd have said the same as you...

Exactly