Obese partner telling me to quit smoking

[SarahBennettAdvice1978]

Hello,

I started smoking during the first lockdown, partly due to stress and partly due to having nothing else to do to be honest.

Since then, I have cut down but haven’t been able to stop completely.

My partner and I have just had a huge row about how I’m being selfish for still smoking as we have a 6yr old DS.

(Quick side note, I NEVER smoke in front of him and he has NEVER smelt smoke on me, I am quite discreet about it - none of my family even know)

Anyway, I’m being pressured to go cold turkey on health grounds as if I get cancer and die, I’m leaving behind a young child.

AIBU to bring up the fact he is technically obese? I still love him and always will, but is it too harsh for me to raise this point as part of a discussion around our life decisions relating to health?

Ultimately I will eventually give up smoking, but my partner has piled on a lot of weight since we got married 5 years ago, and I can see it disappearing as quickly.

AngelinaFibres

But why would they? My DH knows how much I don't want the kids to know, so why would he lie when I ask him to do a smell check? And my DM really hates smoking (my DB smokes) so she would be very upset if she could smell it on me! I know it's not the point of the post, but I do disagree - you can have a sneaky ciggy and get away with it.

OP it's a hard habit to break, stress reliever and just enjoyable. I quit smoking properly years ago and one day just started again when drinking and never stopped - I know I should, but I enjoy it too much. You (we) know you should stop, but I wouldn't be happy if my DH was preaching at me, people in glass houses etc.

Of course people can smell it. It's in your clothes, hair and skin.

no comment about you and your partner but stop kidding yourself that you don't smell like a smoker. You do and non smokers will notice.

@Autobahn

AngelinaFibres

But why would they? My DH knows how much I don't want the kids to know, so why would he lie when I ask him to do a smell check? And my DM really hates smoking (my DB smokes) so she would be very upset if she could smell it on me! I know it's not the point of the post, but I do disagree - you can have a sneaky ciggy and get away with it.

OP it's a hard habit to break, stress reliever and just enjoyable. I quit smoking properly years ago and one day just started again when drinking and never stopped - I know I should, but I enjoy it too much. You (we) know you should stop, but I wouldn't be happy if my DH was preaching at me, people in glass houses etc.

I think they’re probably telling you what you want to hear because they don’t want to upset you. It’s quite hard to say to someone they stink.

My sister in law thinks that I don’t know that she smokes. I totally do know that she smokes.

@PinkiOcelot

My sister in law thinks that I don’t know that she smokes. I totally do know that she smokes.

My SIL, as well. She smells like an ashtray. She's delusional.

My MIL ‘secretly’ smokes. We all know but don’t say anything (cause there’s no point, she won’t listen). She stinks. So do you.

@ANameChangeAgain

Why would you randomly start smoking out of boredom?

This ^ I always find it really odd if an adult randomly starts smoking.

I’m a smoker and Op I can’t quite believe this is something you would “take up during lockdown”. The cost for starters. And don’t kid yourself you will be denying other things in life. And like any addiction it gets worse.

Please heed his advice and give up. When I work out what I’ve actually lost to smoking in my life it upsets me (and yes it still do smoke - around 30 a day).

Your child will have smelt it, you are deluded.

How do you justify the cost?

@RiverSkater

Your child will have smelt it, you are deluded.

How do you justify the cost?

How do other people justify the cost of alcohol,take aways, extra food, expensive makeup/handbags/shoes/clothes, daily take away coffees etc?

To be fair, I knew a guy who was classed as obese according to the BMI system. However, he was about a 28 waist. He did weight lifting and his arms were essentially tree trunks.

Yes, a very small number of people who compete at a high level in sports requiring high levels of muscle mass register as "obese" on weight while carrying minimal bodyfat. And a number of people about a thousand times higher use these rare exceptions to claim "everybody knows BMI is rubbish" despite it forming a good benchmark for 99.9% of people. Unless you also are a competitive weightlifter or high level athlete, in which case you don't worry about BMI because you know your bodyfat percentage to two decimal places already, yes BMI applies to you.

The problem is that people suffering with obesity still need to eat to provide their bodies with nutrients. On the other hand cigarettes are nothing but poison for your body and nobody needs them.

@stalkersaga

To be fair, I knew a guy who was classed as obese according to the BMI system. However, he was about a 28 waist. He did weight lifting and his arms were essentially tree trunks.

Yes, a very small number of people who compete at a high level in sports requiring high levels of muscle mass register as "obese" on weight while carrying minimal bodyfat. And a number of people about a thousand times higher use these rare exceptions to claim "everybody knows BMI is rubbish" despite it forming a good benchmark for 99.9% of people. Unless you also are a competitive weightlifter or high level athlete, in which case you don't worry about BMI because you know your bodyfat percentage to two decimal places already, yes BMI applies to you.

Yeah, I am talking about a man lifting weights in his lounge in the evening after spending a full day in front of the computer at work.

My dad is also classed as overweight, but is all muscle as he spends his time in the gym and doing kickboxing.

As someone who was once lectured on my diet for eating a packet of crisps every day by a former heroin addict yanbu. People who live in glass houses really shouldnt throw stones.

@stalkersaga

To be fair, I knew a guy who was classed as obese according to the BMI system. However, he was about a 28 waist. He did weight lifting and his arms were essentially tree trunks.

Yes, a very small number of people who compete at a high level in sports requiring high levels of muscle mass register as "obese" on weight while carrying minimal bodyfat. And a number of people about a thousand times higher use these rare exceptions to claim "everybody knows BMI is rubbish" despite it forming a good benchmark for 99.9% of people. Unless you also are a competitive weightlifter or high level athlete, in which case you don't worry about BMI because you know your bodyfat percentage to two decimal places already, yes BMI applies to you.

Depends on the BMI stats quoted. For some races 26-30 is healthier than 20-24 and for others even 23 could be verging on overweight.

It’s ok to smoke if you want to. As long as you know the damage.
I smoke when I am extremely stressed
I factor in everything. But then I can stop when I feel less stressed

I do think its funny the absolute vitriol for smokers on here, when its a genuine addiction. Yet overweight people on here get defensive and defended, when most of the time they simply... eat too much.

I'm not going to call names to overweight people like I've read here about smokers, but if you're one of those posters, maybe dial back the venom?

Yes, your partner should lose weight. He isn’t exposing your child to carcinogens. You are lying to yourself if you think you are managing to protect your child from exposure from your habit.

Well I am a hypercritical smoker…love smoking occasionally with a glass of wine but actually hate the smell 🤦‍♀️

Take up vaping. I used to be a smoker, stopped, started vaping, stopped for many years because of pregnancy etc and also started vaping again during the first lockdown. Totally get starting because of boredom/anxiety. It's not ideal, but you can do it indoors discreetly, children don't notice, and it's actually a lot more fun than smoking (mostly because it doesn't smell and you can spend much longer per day doing it).

@IncompleteSenten

Smokers stink.

I promise you people can smell it.

When I smoked I used to think nobody could tell either.

I was wrong.

Sit down with him and say you're right, we need to get healthy, for ourselves and our child.

I need to stop smoking and you need to lose weight. Let's support each other.

This^

Non smoker and I agree with you. Bring up his weight he is a hypocrite

Of COURSE your 6 yo can smell smoke on you
Everyone with a nose can. Its revolting
Give up the habit and tell dp its time to both be healthy

I can’t believe anyone took up smoking randomly as an adult during lockdown. Utterly bizarre thing to do.

And yet I don't find it half as bizarre as all the triggered obese people claiming obesity has nothing to do with the obese person two years into a pandemic where obesity is almost the highest risk factor.

Utterly bizarre that anyone would still be obese considering we've literally given up our right to leave the house, to touch family, to meet a partner, to go to work and send our children to school etc.

Could it be that maybe loads of people don't always do the textbook sensible thing? 🤔

OP Your husband is an absolute hypocrite and I'd be telling him that you'll cut down 1 a day for every X number of pounds he loses.

But also you should try a vape. Much cheaper, much better smelling, much healthier. If it's stress relief you want, why not have it banoffee pie flavoured, you know?