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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this?

80 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:30

Due to lockdown DSIS didn't see my DD til she was 5 months old. Xmas had come and gone in that time. When we saw them they had a belated Xmas present for DS but nothing for DD. Fair enough I thought, she's only a baby and I guess doesn't know what's going on.
Fast forward a year... we've just met up for Xmas. DSIS bought for every single one of her nieces and nephews apart from DD.

AiBU to be upset?

OP posts:
Just10moreminutesplease · 28/12/2021 17:33

YANBU. That’s really odd behaviour. Did she acknowledge that she’d left your daughter out of the gift giving at all?

Notimeforaname · 28/12/2021 17:35

What was her reasoning for leaving one out ?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/12/2021 17:36

Did you challenge her?

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 28/12/2021 17:37

Ime your relationship will suffer unless you confront her.. Mil once bought for 2 of 3 dc
Apparently there was nothing there for the baby.
They had been to Toys R Us!!
I made dh call her out and it never happened again..

MerryMarigold · 28/12/2021 17:37

Did she acknowledge or explain it? Did you ask? Did she just forget? Are they all a lot older (ie. Is DD the only baby?). At least DD won't notice but she might next year so best get it sorted before that!

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:41

My 2 are the youngest. There were 11 kids there ranging from 15 down to DD who is 14 months.

It was a bit of a frenzy of opening so I asked 'can I check if I missed a present for DD so I know what to say thank you for'. She said that she didn't get her one because she wasn't expecting to see her.

Just a nonsense excuse.

I'm really upset about it.

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 28/12/2021 17:44

YANBU it’s fucked up and weird and requires a conversation

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:45

It's just dawned on me that it means she hasn't got her anything since she was born - not a birth present, no Xmas present, no 1st birthday, no Christmas again.

DD was baptised 2 weeks ago and DSIS cried off that morning.

OP posts:
Cuddlemuffin · 28/12/2021 17:45

I would just tell her, 'I feel a bit upset that your didn't get DD a present' and see what she has to say. I don't think YABU but she may not know that she's upset you x

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:45

Do I call her? Message?

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 28/12/2021 17:46

She said that she didn't get her one because she wasn't expecting to see her.

??? She thought you tied her up at a bus stop while the family got together for Xmas and you would pick her up on the way home? Where the fuck did she think your child would be at a family gatheringConfused.

Toottooot · 28/12/2021 17:46

Does she like you?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:47

@HoppingPavlova exactly its nonsense

@Toottooot maybe not.

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 28/12/2021 17:47

and DSIS cried off that morning.

Sorry, I’m not familiar with that phrase. What does it mean?

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 28/12/2021 17:48

Whether you call or text depends on your relationship. Calling is usually a bit easier if it won’t end up in a shouting match. Either way ask why she wasn’t expecting to see DD, which is odd in of itself, then explain she has never bought her a gift and ask if there’s an issue. Then you could explain about how people generally get gifts even if they aren’t seeing the recipient, and just how upsetting it is that your one child was left out. Not even both! It’s a bit wtf

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:48

Sorry as in she phoned and said she couldn't make it. She did the same for DD's birthday.

OP posts:
CactusFlowers · 28/12/2021 17:49

Honestly, I’d let it go. I reckon she just forgot.

girlmom21 · 28/12/2021 17:49

@CactusFlowers

Honestly, I’d let it go. I reckon she just forgot.
She didn't forget. She knows the kid exists. It's her second Christmas.
Aprilx · 28/12/2021 17:50

@HoppingPavlova

and DSIS cried off that morning.

Sorry, I’m not familiar with that phrase. What does it mean?

It means she called that morning and said she couldn’t make it.
Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2021 17:50

Does your sister have kids?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:51

@CactusFlowers how do you forget 1 child out of 11?

@Butchyrestingface yes she has one who is grown up now

OP posts:
Monsterpage · 28/12/2021 17:52

Is there more to this story? This seems very deliberate to me? Is she unhappy in some way about the birth of your DD? Maybe some recent life choices you have made that have resulted in your DD? Or a partner she dislikes?

HoppingPavlova · 28/12/2021 17:52

Thx for clarifying. That sounds odd. She obviously doesn’t have an issue with your other child as she gets them gifts. It can’t be that she dislikes you, or why get one child gifts? It can only be that she dislikes your other child - which is odd as she has never met them, plus weird as what can a baby do to be hated, plus, even weirder why would an adult hate them irrespective (even if for some reason they were an annoying baby/toddler). All seems so bizarre. I would speak to her and call BS when she trots out nonsensical excuses.

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2021 17:53

@Butchyrestingface yes she has one who is grown up now

Okay. I was wondering if perhaps she's having difficulty trying to conceive herself and can't cope with babies at the mo. Doesn't sound like it though.

Is the one who's grown up a son?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:53

@Monsterpage honestly I can't think of anything. DH is the father of both children. We've been married for 12 years, nothing has changed really.

OP posts: