To be upset about this?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

Due to lockdown DSIS didn't see my DD til she was 5 months old. Xmas had come and gone in that time. When we saw them they had a belated Xmas present for DS but nothing for DD. Fair enough I thought, she's only a baby and I guess doesn't know what's going on.
Fast forward a year... we've just met up for Xmas. DSIS bought for every single one of her nieces and nephews apart from DD.

AiBU to be upset?

No one is that weird without a reason. Has she lost a baby? Got sons but wanted a daughter? Wants children but can’t have them? It’s no excuse of course, it’s not exactly hard to buy a present for a toddler, but if she acknowledges your son but pointedly not your daughter I’d want to understand why. And I’d be removing both children from around her. Even if your toddler is too young to notice her brother isn’t.

@Butchyrestingface yes it is. And she did comment today that she only got the chance to parent with the 'prototype'of the first born.

But my other siblings all have 3 children each and they all get gifts.

DSIS is nearly 60. No fertility question marks..

She was lovely with DD today too, fed her etc.

Has she been having fertility problems and is struggling with acknowledging a baby?

Her behaviour is odd!

Is your sisters child a boy? Maybe she wanted a girl? Or a second? It is such weird behaviour there has to be a reason.

I could overlook Christmas present but not last Christmas, new baby, first birthday and skipping christening too.

Also he reason or not expecting to see her is odd where else would she be. I would have expected her to say omg I am so sorry it must be at home will get it to you.

I would text because I like a minute to think of response before I react. But completely personal choice. Calling may be more natural.

Is your other child a DS and is it possible sister is jealous you have a girl?

It’s very odd and YANBU at all. Has she even met her prior to this Xmas?

I’m sorry. Family are weird.

[quote DueyCheatemAndHow]@CactusFlowers how do you forget 1 child out of 11?

@Butchyrestingface yes she has one who is grown up now[/quote]
Quite easily, I imagine, if you’re buying gifts for a lot of people, but hopefully it was a momentary lapse rather than deliberate.

If she does it again, however, you’ll have your answer.

@CactusFlowers but she didn't forget. She said it was a conscious decision not to buy for DD

I've messaged her.

Fucking weird.

I'd ask her more questions.

@Butchyrestingface yes it is. And she did comment today that she only got the chance to parent with the 'prototype'of the first born.

I guess that's the thought, that she's somehow jealous she didn't have a girl and it's manifesting in her behaviour towards your daughter in this way.

Seems unlikely as you say she was lovely towards your daughter.

Odd behaviour.

That stinks to me of 'd'sis making some comment about not seeing the child previously or much - presumably because of covid - but she is punishing the child as a result.

I would need to make it clear that unless both children were treated equally - and equally to their cousins if all together - then she is in the wrong and will have her connection with the kids withdrawn.

I'd say some weird jealousy thing surrounding girls/second children/your childhood dynamic etc.

Could she be put out that she didn’t get to see the youngest for 5 months? Was she the only family member who didn’t?

Do you live close to eachother?

I know covid is a perfectly reasonable excuse to keep people away from small babies. But could she have taken it personally, that she wasn't allowed to see her?

@HoppingPavlova

and DSIS cried off that morning.

Sorry, I’m not familiar with that phrase. What does it mean?

Made an excuse not to attend

No I don't think so, she was born in the depths of lockdown. She was probably one of the first of my siblings to meet her. In fact 2 of my brothers still haven't.

@Rainartist

I'd say some weird jealousy thing surrounding girls/second children/your childhood dynamic etc.

It’s got to be this. How bizarre.

What did you say in your message?

I said 'lovely to see you today. Could we talk at some point please? I'm a bit upset that you bought DS a gift and not DD,.which happened last year too'.

Your message sounds great. Your sister is behaving very oddly. Not that your daughter will notice at the moment but obviously you will. I cannot understand why she would do this. I hope you get to the bottom of it, without a big fall-out. To deliberately exclude one child out of 11 is quiet cruel, even if said child won't necessarily be aware of it. The excuse of not expecting to see her is nonsense as she could've had something sent directly to you/sent it in the post, etc. I think you did the right thing by messaging her.

Perfect message. I doubt there is a suitable reason and if you can I wouldn't look for her to explain just to assure you it won't happen again. Good luck.

It's weird and you did right to message her.

Very strange behaviour on her part.

Thank you everyone.

We have family issues on both sides and I'm so done with it.