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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this?

80 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 17:30

Due to lockdown DSIS didn't see my DD til she was 5 months old. Xmas had come and gone in that time. When we saw them they had a belated Xmas present for DS but nothing for DD. Fair enough I thought, she's only a baby and I guess doesn't know what's going on.
Fast forward a year... we've just met up for Xmas. DSIS bought for every single one of her nieces and nephews apart from DD.

AiBU to be upset?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 28/12/2021 18:41

Good message. It’s really odd not to have bought your dd a gift but everyone else got one. Does she think she ‘knows’ the others but not your dd?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 18:49

I doubt it, and she got DS a book (much appreciated, he likes reading) but it wasn't like an insider knowledge gift IYSWIM

OP posts:
Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 18:49

Message not read yet. Hate how family stuff so often ends up like this

OP posts:
Frizzyfrizz · 28/12/2021 18:52

That's really weird. I'd love to understand her reasoning.

JustLyra · 28/12/2021 18:53

Does she have a son or daughter?

NewYorkDiamond · 28/12/2021 18:53

How was she about following lockdown rules OP? I'm just wondering if maybe she thought a new baby should have superseded them and is resentful that she wasn't allowed to meet DD? Sort of 'well I wasn't allowed to meet her for 5 months so I don't want to know her now' type thing? Very petty if so and doesn't really tie in with Dsis feeding DD etc today but she maybe couldn't resist and if it's you she's trying to get at then the present thing was probably enough without needing to snub DD in person. Just a theory, interested to know her reply to your message Hmm

HaveringWavering · 28/12/2021 18:54

Is it possible she’s just had enough of buying for 11 different child relatives and has realised that kids under the age of about 2 don’t really understand gifts anyway?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 18:55

She never asked to meet her. DD was born in the October so she could have then - it was only relockdowned a bit later

OP posts:
LowlandsAway · 28/12/2021 19:00

Not getting her gift could possibly be explained by her rubbish excuse but it really is a rubbish one, but combined with making excuses not to attend her baptism and bday means something else is definitely going on.

NewYorkDiamond · 28/12/2021 19:12

Hmm, not that then. I can only think it is something to do with the comment she made about only having chance to do it once/wanting a daughter herself in that case. Very odd to punish/exclude your DD for that though and surely she realises you (and DD if it continues as she gets older) will notice and question it, not sure how she expects to justify it without making herself look awful Confused Which leads me back to thinking this is a way to get at you specifically OP, although I have no idea why.

Gretaburley · 28/12/2021 19:13

You should return the book she got for ds.
You’re parent to both.
She treats your dc the same or not at all.

When my dh was about 3 his dgm did this, a huge gift for my dh and a tiny token gift for his younger db.
My dfil took them both back to his dp’s and told his dm to treat them equally or not at all.

ChristmasHost21 · 28/12/2021 19:16

Gosh id be mortified if i was your sis why not buy for her DN but all other kids makes no sense opSad

Ohyesiam · 28/12/2021 20:41

She wanted a daughter I guess.
She will either be able to own that ir will cause trouble.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 28/12/2021 21:40

Did she reply?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 21:56

She's tried to phone me but I have my other sister staying and I was cooking dinner. Will call her tomorrow

OP posts:
Mooloolabababy · 28/12/2021 22:15

@DueyCheatemAndHow

She's tried to phone me but I have my other sister staying and I was cooking dinner. Will call her tomorrow
What has your other dsis said about it?
Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 22:37

She said she thinks it's strange though she is desperate to avoid conflict

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 28/12/2021 22:48

Sorry if l have missed this but what has your DP said about this? She is their relative, no?

SpellBounds · 28/12/2021 22:52

@DueyCheatemAndHow

She's tried to phone me but I have my other sister staying and I was cooking dinner. Will call her tomorrow
You can't send that message then ignore her call til tomorrow. Call her back after dinner thats so rude.
Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 22:53

Only by marriage - she is my sister.

He says it's unfair but it hasn't upset him like it has me

OP posts:
Sally872 · 28/12/2021 23:07

I do think ignoring call until tomorrow after asking to talk is going to escalate things. I would at least text saying thanks for phoning and you can't talk now but will call tomorrow.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 28/12/2021 23:50

I've done that, I messaged apologising for missing her and saying I had been xokking, she's messaged back saying all fine

OP posts:
Thwackit · 28/12/2021 23:55

You’re right to raise it. It seems like preferential treatment and it’s not nice of her to exclude only one child, even if your daughter is still very young. You are still able to recognise that it’s happening!

FateHasRedesignedMost · 29/12/2021 08:51

Is your DD still a baby? Maybe she thinks babies are too young to need/notice presents?
When did she start buying for other nieces and nephews?

Star81 · 29/12/2021 09:08

I would find this strange too.

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