To think adult supervision doesn’t mean any old adult?

[WomanStanleyWoman]

I’ve just been for a swim at my gym. Members can usually bring their children for lessons and at weekends, but I think it’s allowed all day at the moment as it’s school holidays.

For most of the time today, it was only me and two children (probably aged around six to eight) in the pool, with what I presume was their dad watching from the side. At one point he suddenly got up and went out into the reception area. He reappeared quickly enough, but it seemed a bit of an odd thing to do, as the pool is unsupervised - the only adult there was me. Then a few minutes later he did it again, and this time was gone for longer. He just seemed to be chatting in reception! (The door has a glass panel, which is how I could tell - but he had his back to it, so he couldn’t say he was keeping an eye on the children through the door.)

When he did reappear I was going to say something, but the children got out at that point and he took them off to change. Also another dad had arrived with his kids at this point, so perhaps Dad One had seen him come and thought ‘Well, there’s two adults there’.

The rule is that under 15s must be supervised. I couldn’t get steamed up about two 14 year-olds without parents, but under tens is a different matter. AIBU in thinking that adult supervision means a parent or guardian (or at least a lifeguard or instructor) - not just ‘there’s a woman swimming; therefore I can just wander off’?

I'm pretty sure you know what it means.

He shouldn't have left them, obviously.

I always thought that young children had to have an adult actually in the pool with them.

@WorraLiberty

I'm pretty sure you know what it means.

He shouldn't have left them, obviously.

Thanks for the needless pedantry.

Why are you presuming you paid any part in his decision to head to reception? Who's to say he wouldn't have done that anyway?

there’s a woman swimming; therefore I can just wander off’?

I suspect he didn't think this at all. It's unlikely he gave any thought to you whatsoever. He just went to talk to reception and chose to leave his kids.

You are a woman so surely delighted to look after random children you don’t know without being asked

Yabu in as much as you're just venting judgement about what someone else did that had no affect on you at all.

It doesn’t matter who the adult is. Friend of the family, neighbour, whoever has they children’s parent:/guardian’s permission to take them swimming. It needs to be someone who is actually looking after the children all the time they’re in the pool though.

@CaffeineAndCrochet

Why are you presuming you paid any part in his decision to head to reception? Who's to say he wouldn't have done that anyway?

Well yes, I suppose he could have left the kids anyway. Obviously I have no way of knowing either way. My thinking was that, however misguided, leaving two small children in the water with another adult in the vicinity is at least preferable to leaving them completely alone. But yes, it’s entirely possible he could have done exactly that.

@PurpleDaisies

It doesn’t matter who the adult is. Friend of the family, neighbour, whoever has they children’s parent:/guardian’s permission to take them swimming. It needs to be someone who is actually looking after the children all the time they’re in the pool though.

Well exactly. I used ‘guardian’ in a broad sense, I suppose, to cover anyone entrusted with the children’s welfare - anyone other than a random swimmer.

@MeredithGreyishblue

Yabu in as much as you're just venting judgement about what someone else did that had no affect on you at all.

Bollocks!

The phrase “a child’s parent or guardian” pretty much always means something specific, not just “anyone entrusted with the children’s welfare - anyone other than a random swimmer”. I would take my sister’s children swimming as their aunt but that doesn’t make me their guardian.

Fully agree with you he shouldn't have done it. You may have been wanting to leave but felt stuck watching his kids while he was away without even being asked (I would have felt stuck in that situation).

@PurpleDaisies

The phrase “a child’s parent or guardian” pretty much always means something specific, not just “anyone entrusted with the children’s welfare - anyone other than a random swimmer”. I would take my sister’s children swimming as their aunt but that doesn’t make me their guardian.

You can pick my original post to tiny, tiny bits, or you could accept that this man should not have abandoned his own FUCKING CHILDREN.

Jesus Christ.

I think you're right, OP.

The man left the children in the pool because you, a woman, were also in there and therefore, he passed responsibility over to you.

Knowingly or not, that's likely what he did.

I already said he should have been watching his children.

This wouldn't be allowed at any of my local pools, child needs an adult in the water with them, plus 2x duty Life guards even at the smallest pool.

Although most have now also banned observation areas because of fear of pedophiles so I guess that might be why?

Yanbu. He definitely shouldn’t have walked off.

In leaving them with you, he made your responsible- if they’d got into difficulty you’d hardly have ignored them and let them drown, would you? So he’s made you responsible for doing that, when he should have been there.

All comes down to the rules of the pool. Public pools tend to say age 8 and under must have an adult in the pool

@santaclothes

Good god OP calm down!

He didn't abandon the children, he left them briefly, which obviously he should not have done, but it's nowhere close to abandonment. People do things like this all the time and they don't assume you will watch their kids, they just assume the kids will be fine. Like it or not I don't think you were the star player today.

Out of interest, @santaclothes - do you think it would have been ok for the man to go out and leave the two young children on their own in an otherwise empty, unsupervised pool?

As PP have said, you have made a slightly irresponsible decision by a random man about you! How odd?!
No big deal at all Judgie Judgeson.

I'm with you OP.
As a mum it's impossible to just ignore other kids in potentially dangerous situations. I'm sure you would have been watching from the corner of your eye and he obviously would have expected you to step in and do something if something went wrong. It's not on.

Out of interest, @santaclothes - do you think it would have been ok for the man to go out and leave the two young children on their own in an otherwise empty, unsupervised pool?

No, not at all. I said he should not have left them so I'm not sure why you have reached this conclusion?

Could they swim? Or were they splashing around all helpless?