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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think adult supervision doesn’t mean any old adult?

118 replies

WomanStanleyWoman · 28/12/2021 16:36

I’ve just been for a swim at my gym. Members can usually bring their children for lessons and at weekends, but I think it’s allowed all day at the moment as it’s school holidays.

For most of the time today, it was only me and two children (probably aged around six to eight) in the pool, with what I presume was their dad watching from the side. At one point he suddenly got up and went out into the reception area. He reappeared quickly enough, but it seemed a bit of an odd thing to do, as the pool is unsupervised - the only adult there was me. Then a few minutes later he did it again, and this time was gone for longer. He just seemed to be chatting in reception! (The door has a glass panel, which is how I could tell - but he had his back to it, so he couldn’t say he was keeping an eye on the children through the door.)

When he did reappear I was going to say something, but the children got out at that point and he took them off to change. Also another dad had arrived with his kids at this point, so perhaps Dad One had seen him come and thought ‘Well, there’s two adults there’.

The rule is that under 15s must be supervised. I couldn’t get steamed up about two 14 year-olds without parents, but under tens is a different matter. AIBU in thinking that adult supervision means a parent or guardian (or at least a lifeguard or instructor) - not just ‘there’s a woman swimming; therefore I can just wander off’?

OP posts:
ooft · 28/12/2021 23:45

Totally agree with you OP and no idea why you are getting so much grief. Don't engage

EinsteinaGogo · 28/12/2021 23:47

@santaclothes

His behaviour impacted OP.

I didn't say otherwise.

She was swimming, without anyone else to worry about, and then found herself having to be aware of the wellbeing of two children because their parent handed over responsibility by virtue of leaving the poolside.

I know what happened.

I can see why OP would be cross about this.

Right. But my comment wasn't about whether OP should be cross or not, it was about the man not leaving his kids because 'a woman' was there, rather he just left them because he was irresponsible.

You didn't agree that this impacted OP, @santaclothes , because you said 'you've made it about you, OP, and it's not' (I'm paraphrasing).

It IS about the OP.

Everything the man did made it about the OP, by making her the pseudo-designated responsible adult.

I'm not really clear why that's in dispute (and look forward to your post saying that it's not!).

CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 28/12/2021 23:48

YANBU at all, OP.

I'd have been annoyed too and felt obliged to watch them as I'd never forgive myself if something happened to them when I was the only adult in the vicinity. Some parents (usually men, let's face it!) seem to think their kids safety is other people's responsibility!

Summerfun54321 · 28/12/2021 23:49

I would speak to management about it if you’re concerned OP. Obviously it’s totally reckless and the enjoyment of your swim has been effected so it’s worth raising it. Wondering how many people posting rude comments on here actually know what drowning looks like. A child drowning isn’t going to splash around shouting for help trying to get attention, you need eyes on young kids all the time in a pool.

PurpleDaisies · 28/12/2021 23:49

Are they? There's always a first event when it comes to heart attack/seizure/stroke etc and for every adult I know it's happened to, the first occurrence has been a complete surprise.

The risk of me having a first heart attack/seizure/whatever in a pool is minuscule. The benefit of me swimming regularly is massive. I don’t need a lifeguard.

At my last gym with an unsupervised pool, there’s a cctv camera in pool so it can be monitored remotely. I’d imagine this is pretty common.

WomanStanleyWoman · 28/12/2021 23:50

Because I don't agree with you? Grin

Because you’re being an arse.

OP posts:
santaclothes · 28/12/2021 23:52

@WomanStanleyWoman

Because I don't agree with you? Grin

Because you’re being an arse.

Being an arse because I don't agree with you?

Lou98 · 28/12/2021 23:54

I do also think it's more likely that he's just left them because he's irresponsible and would have regardless of you being in the pool. However, I do see why you would also have felt that you needed to watch them in case something happened.

Although he probably felt he was justified because it was a glass room and he could see them (even though obviously he couldn't with his back to the glass!)
If he was chatting in reception though, presumably there was staff there that he was talking to? If it's the pool rules for under 15's to be supervised, they should have been saying to him to go back to watch rather than stand talking to them

santaclothes · 28/12/2021 23:54

You didn't agree that this impacted OP, @santaclothes , because you said 'you've made it about you, OP, and it's not' (I'm paraphrasing).

It IS about the OP.

Sorry, I meant the decision to leave the children was not about OP, it was piss poor parenting. I see it impacted (minimally) OP as it would any responsible adult.

RobotValkyrie · 28/12/2021 23:55

Love this thread...

Step 1: woman points out man does something grossly irresponsible.
Step 2: quick, someone deflects criticism by focusing on woman's supposed self-centeredness (... who the fuck else is she supposed to center, by the way?)

... classic!

WomanStanleyWoman · 28/12/2021 23:56

Being an arse because I don't agree with you?

No, just in general.

OP posts:
QueenCuntyFlippers · 28/12/2021 23:59

I think I already said.

You're clearly one of those ' AIBU?' 'How dare you think I'm U!' people.

Nothing happened. The kids were fine, nobody drowned silently, nobody drowned splashing around, you were fine, the man was fine, the receptionist was fine.

Have a happy new year being fine 😘

santaclothes · 29/12/2021 00:01

@WomanStanleyWoman

Being an arse because I don't agree with you?

No, just in general.

I'm not really being an arse though. The later posts are ridiculous because I have been drawn into this but my actual comments on the situation are just a different viewpoint and nothing more. You are simply unhappy because I didn't agree with your take on the situation.

WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 00:04

@QueenCuntyFlippers

I think I already said.

You're clearly one of those ' AIBU?' 'How dare you think I'm U!' people.

Nothing happened. The kids were fine, nobody drowned silently, nobody drowned splashing around, you were fine, the man was fine, the receptionist was fine.

Have a happy new year being fine 😘

I never said anything happened. Where have you got this idea from?

Every day children are left alone and nothing happens. That doesn’t make it a good idea.

OP posts:
Icantsleep3am · 29/12/2021 00:07

I don’t normally post, but after reading all the comments felt really compelled to jump in defence of OP.
YANBU, any responsible parent should be watching their children swimming if there are no lifeguards on duty, full stop. The post was not about the OP, she never made it about herself.

canary1 · 29/12/2021 00:10

I would report the incident of unsupervised children in the pool to someone in charge

QueenCuntyFlippers · 29/12/2021 00:11

Dad was supervising kids, went to speak to receptionist where there was a glass panel through to the pool for short amount of time.

Nothing happened!

Yes, kids are left sometimes. Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes bad things happen when you're watching them.

You are asking if you're being unreasonable about a non-event and I think you are. You asked.

You are not the main character in this scene...nothing happened 🤣

WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 00:16

Yes, kids are left sometimes. Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes bad things happen when you're watching them.

It’s much less likely to happen when you’re watching them.

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 00:23

I'm not really being an arse though. The later posts are ridiculous because I have been drawn into this but my actual comments on the situation are just a different viewpoint and nothing more. You are simply unhappy because I didn't agree with your take on the situation.

All you had to do was say ‘I don’t think he did anything wrong’ or similar. Instead you made needless digs about how I needed to ‘For God’s sake calm down!’ and that ‘You are not the star player here!!’

What does any of that even mean? You could have simply disagreed without making it into a drama.

OP posts:
QueenCuntyFlippers · 29/12/2021 00:23

It's also helpful if you raise children that can stay alive for a second or two when your back is turned for a moment.

Good night 🙃

WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 00:27

@QueenCuntyFlippers

It's also helpful if you raise children that can stay alive for a second or two when your back is turned for a moment.

Good night 🙃

I’ve no idea what that’s got to do with me.
OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 00:28

You are not the main character in this scene...nothing happened 🤣

If nothing happened, there IS no scene. A potato could work that out.

OP posts:
santaclothes · 29/12/2021 00:29

@WomanStanleyWoman

I'm not really being an arse though. The later posts are ridiculous because I have been drawn into this but my actual comments on the situation are just a different viewpoint and nothing more. You are simply unhappy because I didn't agree with your take on the situation.

All you had to do was say ‘I don’t think he did anything wrong’ or similar. Instead you made needless digs about how I needed to ‘For God’s sake calm down!’ and that ‘You are not the star player here!!’

What does any of that even mean? You could have simply disagreed without making it into a drama.

I said calm down because you were shouting Hmm

The other comment I explained. I'm not particularly good at explaining things so if I did that badly I apologise. I meant what I had said previously though. Bad parenting isn't usually don't with a side of 'this woman here will be responsible' it's more a case of 'the kids will be fine' - now I appreciate you don't like that I'm disagreeing, but that is literally all I am doing.

It's concerning how wound up you are getting with the posters who don't agree - hours after the non event. Is there something else at play here?

Flyingsunflower · 29/12/2021 00:30

I don't know the rules at your swimming pool but ours kids are not allowed in the water when a lifeguardis not available.

No lifeguard= No swimming= pool closed for under 14yrs old.

I would ask the management to clarify their rules about opening pools without lifeguards because what you saw today might invalidate their insurance.

QueenCuntyFlippers · 29/12/2021 00:32

You're so charming with all of the insults.

Love from the potato 🥔 who you'll never have the displeasure of meeting in real life.

🤣