AIBU to tell my best friend that I no longer want to swap gifts for our kids at Xmas and birthdays? - I’m asking this now as my sons birthday is in early February so not that long away!
This is going to be a long one so apologies, but I feel you need the back story to give a honest opinion:
I always go out of my way to find gifts for people that I know/think they will absolutely love, but I just get so annoyed with my best friend, because every present I have ever received from her, it’s pretty obvious were things she received as presents and didn’t want, as they were always so random and not things that I would ever want or use. I stopped exchanging gifts with her at Birthdays and Christmas a few years ago because I always felt really upset that I had spent so much time and effort on her and she clearly had spent none on me, even giving me bath product sets she’s knows I can’t use because I suffer with eczema 
. I know it probably sounds ungrateful, but after 12 years of it, it does begin to make you feel unappreciated and I didn’t like feeling like that every birthday and Christmas 
. When she had her first baby, we agreed to buy presents for the kids going forward which I was happy with..
When my son was born this year she made a hamper of all the unused baby clothes she didn’t put her son in, for example parts of a 5 piece set from M&S (I got 2 parts, the other 3 I remember her son in), an outfit with her sister in laws gift tag still inside that she obviously forgot to take out, and even a toy that I had given her for her son (I know it was mine because Amazon stuck the delivery label to the box when they sent it and I had to rip it off). I don’t have a issue with receiving second hand things, but she made out she had spent a fortune on all of the things inside because I wasn’t able to have a baby shower due to covid, when that actually wasn’t the case (I paid for her baby shower at a very specific requested venue and also then got gifts for her baby).
I also bought her son a beautiful activity cube from John Lewis for his first birthday and our other girlfriend received it for her sons first birthday 4 months ago…
Christmas has obviously just been and she gave my son who is nearly 1, a newborn baby toy in a battered up box and a chocolate bar which he can’t eat because he’s only 10 months old. On the other hand, she asked me to get her son a very specific toy which was quite expensive (always is) and I even went out of my way to personalise it to make it really special which took me a really long time!
She mentioned this year while we were Xmas shopping that she hasn’t ever bought her son a gift as everyone else buys for him, so I’m starting to feel like she is using me to buy the expensive things she wants, so she doesn’t have to buy anything herself.
It does irritate me that she will happily ask for and accept expensive gifts when she knows she has spent nothing on the ones she is giving. I think it’s a bit rude and disrespectful to be honest, but money aside, I wouldn’t feel so aggrieved if the gifts she gave to my son where actually thought out and suitable for his age. It’s just very obvious to me that my son is receiving all the old crap she doesn’t want, even if he is too big for it and will never use it, and that’s what bothers me.
Her son is a year older than mine, so I can just see this repeating itself every year and as the boys get older, I dont want my son to end up feeling the same way I did. Plus as I know she regifted at least two of the presents I have given her son in the two years he has been on this planet, it makes me not want to get nice gifts for him. Will her son ever get to use them or will I or someone else, be getting them back in a years time?
If you’ve got this far, What’s everyone’s thoughts on stopping the gift giving? Am I being cruel to the kids by doing this? They are only little now so don’t care, but as they get older I don’t want either of them to feel they are missing out and I’m the miserable ‘Auntie’ that doesn’t give presents.
Thank you in advance for your opinions and I hope you had a great Christmas x