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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why he is saying he does not remember me?

109 replies

Marble2021 · 27/12/2021 22:00

Last year, I was in a couple of classes with a guy from uni. Him and I worked together on a project for a couple of months in a team. I also chatted with him over whatsapp and in person quite often. I bumped into him a few weeks ago and I asked him how he was. He looked at me blankly. He really did not seem to even know who I was. I tried reminding him about when we worked together on that project, but he said I must have confused him with someone else. I have definitely not confused him with someone else. Anyone got a clue as to why he said he does not remember me?

OP posts:
GiftWrappingLikeItsXmasEve · 28/12/2021 01:21

My DH is terrible for people recognition out of context but surely if you explained the connection they would remember! Maybe they didn’t want to talk to you?

GiantHaystacks2021 · 28/12/2021 01:37

Are you sure it was the same guy?

Also, in my experience, guys only ever remember 'hot' women, and no one else.
But that's just my experience.

BlubFestival · 28/12/2021 01:51

It's not clear from your posts whether he confirmed he did the project work but denied you were part of the group he did it with. Or whether he claimed never to have been part of that group.

Which is it?

Cissyandflora · 28/12/2021 03:22

Face blindness. It’s very difficult to live with. A real problem.

FortunesFave · 28/12/2021 03:36

@Cissyandflora

Face blindness. It’s very difficult to live with. A real problem.
It really is. I basically have to grin and smile like a fool at everyone who's eyes catch mine in the street for fear of offending people.

Now I just treat anyone who chats to me like an old friend. I've told a few people...like the neigbour I walked half a mile with thinking she was a fruitloop who just liked me...had no idea who this woman was at the time. In fact I knew her well and our kids have had sleepovers.

Cissyandflora · 28/12/2021 03:44

@FortunesFave I totally relate. I can’t be sure of who are my neighbours decades on and I have to smile and pretend I know people all the time. So many embarrassing moments and it’s also stopped me making friends.

Alondra · 28/12/2021 04:27

I don't think it was face blindness. This happens when the interaction has been minimal but not when you were in the same project for two months only last year.

For whatever reason he didn't want to acknowledge you. Don't sweat it, some people are weird.

Thatldo · 28/12/2021 06:09

Maybe you look totally different from what you looked liked at uni(weightgain/loss/hair.I have bumped into people from years ago and I havent recognosed them because of complete change in haircolour/style and weigjt gain.

WindyRose · 28/12/2021 07:19

When I moved to my current location 10 yrs ago, a lady at the local supermarket was friendly and acted as if she knew me, but I knew she must have me mixed up with someone else, so I was polite in return and left it at that...or so I thought.

Even now she continually invites me to her house stating 'I still live in my parents old house, so I don't need to give you the address' and no way would she accept that I had never seen her before in my life. Next time I see her she is angry and insulting because I didn't arrive at her house for the lunch/dinner/coffee/etc.

According to her, we were best friends throughout school (years and years) and we went everywhere together even at weekends and during school holidays. She says her mother (now passed away) would be very upset with me because I'm shunning her daughter.

I have 'never' lived in this area until 10 yrs ago and 'never' went to school here and I just wish she would accept that she's made a mistake. Frankly, she got quite obsessive, stalkerish, nasty and was creeping me out, so much so that I order online with home delivery so I didn't have to face her yet again.

Sometimes people do make mistakes and for whatever reason have decided they are right and you are wrong....I don't know why or how to fix it, but the whole thing was quite upsetting and forced me to change my shopping (at a cost to me) just to avoid her. I have a very good memory for both names and faces and have 'never' met this woman, ever!!

WindyRose · 28/12/2021 07:24

Oh, as a PP said, I do look very different from when I was at school, but then 50-60 years does that!!

Haus1234 · 28/12/2021 07:30

Sorry but maybe he just doesn’t like you, if you’re really sure he’s the guy you’re thinking of.

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 28/12/2021 07:56

I used to get mistaken for a lady I have never met when visiting dps home town all the time. I have never met her but have met a lot of people who do know her who insist I am her.

I had one encounter with a man I'm a pub which was quite intimidating. He kept looking at me, then started waving. I ignored him as I had never met this man in my life. He then looked pissed off and eventually came over and asked why I was ignoring him. It settled as soon as I started talking in my non-local accent and he realised his mistake.

BigYellowHat · 28/12/2021 08:30

God that’s so unbelievably cringey when that happens. It’s only happened to me once and I wanted to shrivel up and die even though I 100% knew who the person was. I’ve had it done to me before and would never embarrass the person like that. One woman seemed to know me really well so I just made some bland chit chat for a few minutes and then apologised as I ‘had the dentist’

Postitmug · 28/12/2021 08:37

@Marble2021 did you use his name in the conversation? Do you remember his name? Does he have the same name as the man you remember? If not, you really could be the one who is mistaken

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2021 08:40

Actually if he doesn’t even remember the project op or the other guy it is more likely you got the wrong guy.

DaisyNGO · 28/12/2021 08:43

@Thatldo

Maybe you look totally different from what you looked liked at uni(weightgain/loss/hair.I have bumped into people from years ago and I havent recognosed them because of complete change in haircolour/style and weigjt gain.
OP said it was last year.

One thing that occurs to me, I'm sorry to mention it

But I have pretty much memory holed the lockdown period, I only really woke up about a month ago. Might be related to that, he just dragged himself through the days?

DaisyNGO · 28/12/2021 08:44

Windy that is scary!

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 28/12/2021 08:51

Unless the OP confirmed this man's name with him, I'm going with mistaken identity here.

Chocoqueen · 28/12/2021 08:55

Was he on his own or with friends/a woman? Perhaps (for some reason) acknowledging you would cause grief with them? For example if his girlfriend gets jealous she might not be happy with him having spent so much time with you or he'd told his friends he slept with you when you were working on the project and was worried you'd give him away.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 28/12/2021 09:06

I said 'Hi (his name)!' . He turned around and looked at me. I started asking him how he was and how his summer was and he looked very confused. I said it's me Marble, and said we worked together on the project for the course last year. He replied that we didn't. I said that we did and tried to remind him about the project and he said I had confused him with someone else. Then he walked off.

OP posts:
Volterra · 28/12/2021 09:08

I have a doppelgänger. A woman at the bus stop said ‘hi Susie’. I said hello but that I wasn’t Susie. She said I was and I said I wasn’t . Then she said ‘Susie it’s me, Pamela, I had Christmas dinner with you the other year’. I said no i’m sorry you didn’t, must be someone else.

She said ‘you live just up the hill on Bramble Drive ‘ which I do so I agreed I did but was not Susiie. Next she said ‘and you have a golden retriever ‘ which I agreed I did but was still not Susie. She kept going , next it was ‘your DD goes to Woodgreen School’ which indeed my DD did but I still wasn’t Susie. Eventually she gave up, I saw her at the bus stop a fair few times more and it became a joke that I wasn’t Susie.

My DH nearly went to someone at an event we were at before realising it wasn’t me, friends have complained I ignore them a couple of times. On a dog walk recently I got chatting to a woman who also has a retriever, she was saying she had spoken to me as I live close to her , her DD goes to same school as mine. Suddenly the penny dropped and I said I know this might sound weird but are you called Susie?!

Susie and I have a scary amount in common with our lives we discovered over a coffee!

Deeandwizzy · 28/12/2021 09:09

WhatsApp him and see what he says?

Franklyfrost · 28/12/2021 09:14

I have face blindness and tend to either bluff it (always a bad idea but I panic) or explain. Maybe he panicked, denied knowing you and then couldn’t back out? It’s pretty embarrassing because the implication is you don’t care or are stupid. I can only recognise people I’m very familiar with, everyone else is just kinda the same, in the same way apples are all kinda the same and I wouldn’t notice if I was eating the exact same apple again and again.

watchingrnfire · 28/12/2021 09:17

I had a guy come up to me in the supermarket once and chatting to me like he knew me, I stared at him blankly, and said sorry am not sure who you are. To which he responded 'oh you don't want to talk to me out of the work place' I said u have the wrong person and walked off. He did not look like he believed me

SpookyScarySkeletons · 28/12/2021 09:24

I like the twin theory.

One of my DCs best friends mum is a twin. I was so confused when I had to go pick DD up from school as she was unwell and there's her best friends mum working on reception!L I didn't realise she had got a new job! Started chatting to her like she was BFM... she was the twin.

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