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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why he is saying he does not remember me?

109 replies

Marble2021 · 27/12/2021 22:00

Last year, I was in a couple of classes with a guy from uni. Him and I worked together on a project for a couple of months in a team. I also chatted with him over whatsapp and in person quite often. I bumped into him a few weeks ago and I asked him how he was. He looked at me blankly. He really did not seem to even know who I was. I tried reminding him about when we worked together on that project, but he said I must have confused him with someone else. I have definitely not confused him with someone else. Anyone got a clue as to why he said he does not remember me?

OP posts:
Mufasa1118 · 27/12/2021 22:35

I'm really bad at remembering people.

phishy · 27/12/2021 22:37

He could be having a mean joke at your expense, by trying to make you doubt yourself.

Never acknowledge him again.

PigeonLittle · 27/12/2021 22:39

The weird thing is the most plausible explanations don't apply in this scenario

  1. He would just say he was an identical twin during the confusion
  2. If he was poor with faces and bad memory he would just lie and say he remembers you, or just apologise for his appalling memory.

I have a dreadful memory and often find myself smiling and nodding!

phishy · 27/12/2021 22:41

I’ve been mistaken for someone else a few times and have just smiled and said hello or waved.

WrongWayApricot · 27/12/2021 22:41

I moved to a newish but still local area where 2 sisters swear up and down we used to play together and I swear up and down I've never seen them before then. It was so weird, I just don't remember them at all. Lived there for a while, kept bumping into them, kept not remembering them from childhood 🤷‍♀️ I felt bad but I feel it would be worse to lie. I've always thought I had a good memory too, to be fair though not that great for names and faces.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 27/12/2021 22:41

@steff13

It sounds like he genuinely didn't remember you. Maybe he has a bad memory, maybe you've confused him with someone else. I was once waiting to be seated at a restaurant with my mother and grandmother, and a woman I didn't know came up and started talking to me. I was rather bewildered, but it transpired that she thought I was her niece. I definitely was not. We just looked alike, apparently. I've actually been mistaken for the same girl quite a few times throughout my life by different people so she must really look like me.
I love stuff like this. I wonder if you've ever walked past eachother, if she gets the same thing in reverse and there's just two identical people walking round the same village being mistaken for eachother and never crossing paths.
LublinToDublin · 27/12/2021 22:42

Did you greet him with his name?

LawnFever · 27/12/2021 22:46

A bloke once did this to me the other way round, reckoned we were at school together etc I genuinely had no recollection of him whatsoever.

TheOriginalEmu · 27/12/2021 22:49

A woman in the blood test clinic at my local hospital of all places insisted my husband an sctot off emmerdale, when he said he wasn’t she thought he was lying so as not to be recognised and did a ‘wink wink ok then’ type of gesture.
She was adamant. He’s definitely not him. Grin

MadeForThis · 27/12/2021 22:49

I have awful memory for faces, especially if they are out of the usual environment. I often know that I should know them but can't place them at all. Very awkward.

Bluntness100 · 27/12/2021 22:53

Have you gained or lost weight, changed your hair etc? Ie could you look different

LubaLuca · 27/12/2021 22:56

This has happened to me. It was very embarrassing for both of us because I wanted to remember this poor woman who had clear memories of us doing things together, but I had no memory of her at all and had to be honest about it. I still don't remember her - I bumped into her again a few months later and didn't even recognise her as being the woman I'd failed to recall iyswim Blush

Did your chap remember doing the college work etc?

ddl1 · 27/12/2021 23:02

Memory problems? Like 2319inprogress, I am pretty much 'face blind' and more generally bad at visual processing. I have a terrible memory for faces and more generally how people and things look; but a very good one for names, conversations and activities. So I would have certainly remembered everything about working together on the project, but might not have recognized you visually at first. But maybe he just has an all-round terrible memory.

Also: the last two years have, I think, had a bad effect on many people's memories. Some have 'brain fog' from long Covid; but even without that, the stress has been very bad for memory and sharpness of thinking. There was one study that suggested that the brains of people over 50 (younger people were not included in the study) had on average aged about 5 years in 18 months!

BertramLacey · 27/12/2021 23:06

I'm another one who can really struggle to remember some people. It's weird because some people I'm fine with but others not, especially if they change their hair or wear a hat. Lots of people come up to me and start chatting away and I just go along with it.

I agree with PP that sometimes in those circumstances you're more likely to fake remembrance or just apologise and say you're bad with faces, but he may just have thought it was easier for him to say he didn't remember you.

I mean there may be some backstory, like he developed a mad crush on you and his then girlfriend who is now his fiancé almost dumped him because of it and he now has to pretend he's never met you. Or, he's crap at faces.

FortunesFave · 27/12/2021 23:07

I have face blindness OP. Once I was accosted by a strange woman in the street who seemed very friendly. She walked alongside me chatting about various things that were going on in our town. She seemed to be on the same route...I accepted her as an odd, but friendly woman.

Almost home and she said "You don't know who I am do you?" and I had to admit that no...I didn't.

She was my next door neighbour whose child played with my DD regularly and whose house DD had slept at....I'd only ever seen her in my garden or her garden or our kitchens so seeing her out of context meant I didn't recognise her.

It's a context thing. Same thing happened once with the school receptionist...no idea who she was when she was waving at me in the supermarket. DH told me.

Happens all the time...I'm especially bad with middle aged women who have dark hair in bobs.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 27/12/2021 23:11

@LubaLuca

This has happened to me. It was very embarrassing for both of us because I wanted to remember this poor woman who had clear memories of us doing things together, but I had no memory of her at all and had to be honest about it. I still don't remember her - I bumped into her again a few months later and didn't even recognise her as being the woman I'd failed to recall iyswim Blush

Did your chap remember doing the college work etc?

I reminded him about the university project work and how him, I and another guy all worked together in the library doing the project work. He just looked completely blank and said he had never hung out with me in the library and I had mistaken him for someone else.
OP posts:
Original poster
Marble2021 · 27/12/2021 23:12

@Bluntness100

Have you gained or lost weight, changed your hair etc? Ie could you look different
I think I look the same as I did last year
OP posts:
Newbabynewhouse · 27/12/2021 23:14

Have you physically changed a lot??

Alloftheboys · 27/12/2021 23:15

One of the most embarrassing experiences of my life happened about 18 years ago.
Walking through town and a lovely bloke a few years older than me caught my attention and started chatting to me.
He clearly knew who I was as he was asking me specific questions about my family and activities I used to do but I had no idea who he was! I was trying to ask general questions about him to try and work out who he was but I still had no idea.
I think I managed to bluff my way through it but to this day I don’t know who he was 😳

Newbabynewhouse · 27/12/2021 23:15

Sorry just seen this has been answered

QOD · 27/12/2021 23:15

I have this. I’ve been in this area since I was 11, 40 years! Went to 3 schools and college. Worked in care homes and chip shop and as a cleaner when in college then had 2 long term jobs. Also 2 schools and dance classes for dd
I have no clue how I know most people. Where from or how well. Either they recognise me and I have no idea whatsoever who they are OR I know I know them. No idea where from and also no clue as to name
Dd endlessly says to me
‘Who’s that?’ As someone has greeted me

Not a fucking Scooby 🤣

Pollymollydolly · 27/12/2021 23:21

I once spent half an hour convincing somebody he was somebody else, despite his protestations to the contrary. I was absolutely, totally and utterly convinced he was my friend Fred. I only started to believe him when I noticed he had an earring, which Fred definitely did not have. Even then I wondered if Fred’d had his ear pierced in the few days since I’d last seen him…tbf I was in my early twenties, and copious amounts of alcohol were involved, so it’s entirely possible the poor man didn’t even look much like Fred in the first place Blush

Postitmug · 27/12/2021 23:22

Didn't you do a name check when he didn't remember you? Like, oh I'm sorry, I really thought you were Fred Smith from the geography module last year?

FriedTomatoe · 27/12/2021 23:24

It sounds weird but it does happen. Some people are really shit with faces and names. It's embarrassing when it happens but I'm sure the other person feels just as bad.

dayswithaY · 27/12/2021 23:34

Maybe he's right and it's not the person you thought it was.

Or he couldn't be bothered to chat and it's easier to say I don't know you.