To not really enjoy hosting people ?

[rookiemere]

So finally I have the house back to ourselves. Ironic when I'd spent the last couple of weeks stressing about relatives not being allowed to come to us for Christmas. So in theory absolutely delighted it went ahead, however I'd forgotten that I don't appear to be a natural hostess.

We had people staying for 3 nights ( one staying for one more night tonight, but he's pals with DS15 and absolutely no bother). 5 additional people staying in the house including one toddler and 4 more staying at a hotel, but with us during the day.

I love these people dearly, but I just struggle to keep on top of it all. Happy enough to churn out one big meal a day, but then I think people should sort themselves out for breakfast, and I put out leftovers for tea.

It used to be after Christmas dinner, the people not going on the walk and who hadn't prepared the meal would do the cleaning up, but a couple of the people seem to have become even less helpful than usual so DH ended up doing the pan washing up myself, although I did manage to force DS to unstack the dishwasher.

So I managed to hold it together mostly, but on top of not actually helping people were trying to give me extra jobs like sorting out their tumble drying and putting on a wash ( toddler emergency).

In the end it all worked out but I find it hard to hide my frazzlement and the unsaid expectation that proper Mums are able to do all this. i did try asking the young adults to help, but even getting them to finish their multiple cans of soft drink and put them in the recycling seems to be an impossibility.

Is there anyone who thrives on hosting and genuinely enjoys this? I do like the company but feel a lot of the burden falls straight on me ( DH does his bit with cleaning and prep).

Hosting for Xmas dinner is more than enough, I love them but cant wait for them to leave so it’s a no from me!

YANBU, which is why I never do it.

I don't mind people coming round for tea/coffee/cake for an hour or so, but no more than that.

I don't enjoy being hosted either so it works out quite well really

No one does op. At least most people don't. That's why the only fair way is to take it in turns.

I can't bear people staying over in my house...i'm a rubbish host and struggle to entertain people...I equally don't like going to other peoples houses.

Sod that.

Help out or get nowt.

No sexist assumptions in my house!!

Fucking hate it.

My brother lives abroad and will stay with me for a few weeks when he is home. Its bloody awful and I can't wait for him to go.

Honestly, even 'hosting' my own adult children when they stay over is a pain.

@icedcoffees I prefer hosting to being hosted ,so there is that .

I find that at Christmas people want to be treated as guests in a hotel because they’re on holiday. They have days and weeks to look forward to it: they know that someone else will be doing the work, so they pack their lives full of stuff in the run-up to Christmas and then arrive at yours ready for the break. Then they expect to be waited in, not lift a finger.

I can only think that the people who enjoy it all thoroughly are people who find saying “no” even more difficult, or people who derive pleasure from other people enjoying themselves at their expense.

[quote rookiemere]@icedcoffees I prefer hosting to being hosted ,so there is that .[/quote]
I'm just grateful I married into a family who feel exactly the same way as I do, so there are no hard feelings

Not just you.

It's where DH and I differ.

We popped to the pub on Christmas Eve to exchange cards with mates and just before we left, the wife of one of them says "see you at yours Monday, we are really looking forward to it."
This was the first I had heard of any Monday plans. I had to nod and smile as if I knew.
DH does it on purpose, he never asks me he just organises and then I can't say no. I've utterly let rip today over it as instead of relaxing after a fortnight of Christmas prep and then two days of cooking the meal yesterday with no help, 3 course and breakfast, Im having to work out what to feed people with supermarkets mostly shut, tidy up and do washing and cleaning that could've waited.
Apparently I'm an anti social freak and misfit for daring to say I didn't really want to do this.

I prefer to plan stuff for people to come over and not two days after bloody Christmas. I don't want to go to someone's home so why do I want people to come to mine.

We have adult dc and partners for around 2 weeks . Not our choice.
I have just been interupted x 2 whilst having a bath wirh non emergency requests and questions.

Am beside myself.

No i hate it.
I hate group things like lets all.watch so and so ..together.. they think its cosy.. i hate sitting thro stuff I would not dream of watching.

I know some people love it but v v few.

@givethatbabyaname yes I think there's something in that. SIL is helpful but I'd actually like to give her a break, but BIL is tricky shall we say. The young adults do nothing and the couple with the toddler were pretty occupied, plus we have a dog so that had to be worked around.

I'm happy to lay on a good Christmas lunch and turkey sandwiches etc for dinner but I find the constant presence of people staying over hard work.

I'm ok with my mum. Obviously I've lived with her before and her being around is fine.

My MIL is just so different from me though that it is very hard work. She's a ridiculously early riser - hearing someone walking around the house at 5.30am is really really irritating when you're trying to sleep.

Anyway they've all gone home now and we managed to get along but now I'm very happy not to host anyone until next Christmas.

@ReformedWaywardTeen

Not just you.

It's where DH and I differ.

We popped to the pub on Christmas Eve to exchange cards with mates and just before we left, the wife of one of them says "see you at yours Monday, we are really looking forward to it."
This was the first I had heard of any Monday plans. I had to nod and smile as if I knew.
DH does it on purpose, he never asks me he just organises and then I can't say no. I've utterly let rip today over it as instead of relaxing after a fortnight of Christmas prep and then two days of cooking the meal yesterday with no help, 3 course and breakfast, Im having to work out what to feed people with supermarkets mostly shut, tidy up and do washing and cleaning that could've waited.
Apparently I'm an anti social freak and misfit for daring to say I didn't really want to do this.

I prefer to plan stuff for people to come over and not two days after bloody Christmas. I don't want to go to someone's home so why do I want people to come to mine.

No no no no no no no noooooooo.

Don't do it.

Don't do any of it.

How can you not see that it is utterly and completely unacceptable for your husband to do this?!?

Don't just let rip, that achieves fuck all.

Don't do any of it.

Just go out.

My tip is to direct people to do what you want them to do. For example, half go for a walk you say to those left behind 'Lovely, those behind can help with the clearing / washing up. Auntie Marge can you wash up? Uncle Phil, can you gather the plates etc for Marge, cousin Becky am sure you won't mind drying up? Am sure we'll make quick work of it then I'll get some drinks or coffee and we can have a lovely catch up by the fire' Say it nicely but with such a tone they are not offended but know they can't just sit on their arse and be waited on hamd and foot.

Yes @KatherineJaneway but BIL would get professionally insulted if I asked him to do something. I maybe could have asked one of the young adults- they used to be more helpful than they are now, but there's a bit of a back story.

I'm trying to figure out what's open Monday afternoon now!
He is never happier than when in a room full of people holding court. I'm just not built that way. I'd rather a select group of friends, small group with similar interests rather than loads of randoms.
I'm a homebody though and we didn't have dinner parties and stuff when I was a kid. He grew up in exactly the opposite household so it's normal for him.
I don't think I'd have minded with some warning or the very least him to have asked.
He's now in the kitchen "tidying"

So tired after hosting yesterday with elderly relatives and another person is not coming till later in the week and I'm relieved

YANBU! I can't stand having guests for more than a couple of nights. We have a guest, has been here since Thursday and not due to go until Tuesday. I am longing to have my house back so I can relax properly!

Why do it if you don't want to?
I don't understand anyone doing what they don't want to do.
I hate hosting and hate being a guest, so I've never done it.
My sister in law once commented a few years ago that I never host. I told her no, and that's the way it's staying.
When I first married we were still living in my country and DH family and friends would say they would love to come and visit prior to Xmas so they could visit the markets etc. I used to give them a list of hotels. Strangely, they never visited when they realised I wasn't going to give them an all inclusive hotel for their visit.

@OhGiveUp I do it because I enjoy us all being together, DS is an only and it's so lovely seeing him as part of a bigger group, plus Christmas last year for just the three of us was a bit sad and lonely.

I don't hate doing it, I just find it wearing. I try to make the meals easy by buying prepared food so it just needs bunging in the oven or microwave. I maybe shouldn't have made such an effort on Christmas Eve so maybe pizzas or takeaway next time for that meal.

@ReformedWaywardTeen

Not just you.

It's where DH and I differ.

We popped to the pub on Christmas Eve to exchange cards with mates and just before we left, the wife of one of them says "see you at yours Monday, we are really looking forward to it."
This was the first I had heard of any Monday plans. I had to nod and smile as if I knew.
DH does it on purpose, he never asks me he just organises and then I can't say no. I've utterly let rip today over it as instead of relaxing after a fortnight of Christmas prep and then two days of cooking the meal yesterday with no help, 3 course and breakfast, Im having to work out what to feed people with supermarkets mostly shut, tidy up and do washing and cleaning that could've waited.
Apparently I'm an anti social freak and misfit for daring to say I didn't really want to do this.

I prefer to plan stuff for people to come over and not two days after bloody Christmas. I don't want to go to someone's home so why do I want people to come to mine.

Can't you just leave it to your DH and pop out? 'Family emergency', if you need an excuse.

@OhGiveUp

Why do it if you don't want to? I don't understand anyone doing what they don't want to do. I hate hosting and hate being a guest, so I've never done it. My sister in law once commented a few years ago that I never host. I told her no, and that's the way it's staying. When I first married we were still living in my country and DH family and friends would say they would love to come and visit prior to Xmas so they could visit the markets etc. I used to give them a list of hotels. Strangely, they never visited when they realised I wasn't going to give them an all inclusive hotel for their visit.

You have to with elderly relatives to some extent as they've had you in the past itms

This is where I am glad of my lack of spare room. Noone stays with us ever except my bf when our kids have a sleepover and then that is only ever for one night. I can cope with people in my house for the day then I need everyone to fuck off and leave me alone.

Actually thinking about it a bit more, it's perhaps the Christmas element that makes it stressful.

I do enjoy having guests for short periods and our house is a half way point for other relatives so this year we've had a number of one night stays from people en route to this location. Those have been great as small numbers of people, not overly bothered about what they get to eat and grateful as they're getting a free bed.