To wonder if any of them give a crap

[Alliwantforchristmasisbooze]

We live abroad, used to go back to U.K. for Christmas but has been difficult in recent years due to fertility treatments, Dd being born, then covid.
My family only sent Xmas cards, no presents/money for Dd, 3, same for my birthday, my brother, sister and niece & nephews all get money/presents etc.
They all had dinner together today, obviously. No phone call, only WhatsApp off my mum saying Happy Christmas. Messaged happy Christmas to my sister, sent a brief Merry Christmas back.
Aibu to feel a bit sad and left out, just because we’re not there, don’t we count as much 🤷🏻‍♀️

So what effort do you make to stay in touch? You complain that you didn't get a phone call but you don't seem to have phoned them either. The messaging back and forth sounds pretty equal on both sides.

Rightly or wrongly, if you're the one person that's moved away from everyone else, I think the onus is more on you to stay in contact.

@RedskyThisNight I’d say I’m 80% the one who makes contact more

Dh’s family transferred money over for Dd, messaged lots and FaceTimed us all today for over an hour.

How do you know they got money?? You could of picked up the phone and done a video call yourself

@MissMaple82 My mum told me, sisters kids older now, they get money, a good amount and always lots of gifts on birthdays and Christmas. It’s the thought of it for Dd. I don’t need money, but just because we’re not there, do we count less 🤷🏻‍♀️I’ve sent presents via Moonpig and Amazon to them before, it’s no great effort

Depends on the reasons for not going back. Lots of people are back in the UK for Christmas this year from overseas in spite of covid.

Sorry didn't mean that to sound so blunt. As in maybe they're upset and feel you haven't made an effort to travel back, but obviously that depends on the circumstances where you're living. No presents is out of order though.

@RandomUsernameHere Genuine reason. I’d prefer to be back there than here each Christmas. No flights to parents home, closest airport for flights from Nov-March is over 3 hours drive away. Parents used to drive us but complained about the length of/difficulty of drive etc. We see each other during times flights run

Not sure if people realise/think about the people away and how hard it might be for them

[quote Alliwantforchristmasisbooze]@RandomUsernameHere Genuine reason. I’d prefer to be back there than here each Christmas. No flights to parents home, closest airport for flights from Nov-March is over 3 hours drive away. Parents used to drive us but complained about the length of/difficulty of drive etc. We see each other during times flights run[/quote]
Could you not hire a car rather than a 6 hr drive for your parents?

@MichelleScarn Haven’t driven in the U.K. for years and don’t know the area/didn’t grow up there. Very stressy with a toddler. Don’t expect my parents to do all that driving it’s a difficult situation all round

Why couldn't you drive yourself? 6 hours is a lot of driving.

Hire a car and do the driving and come home.

Have you ever asked why, dd doesn't get a present?

It does feel that you are complaining about them doing the same things you are doing.

What presents did you send them?

Sorry if this sounds harsh then op, so for every visit you've done home for many years, someone else has had to come collect you all then drive you all about whenever you go anywhere?

@MichelleScarn ? They didn’t drive us about whenever we wanted to go anywhere, we stayed in or walked later unless we planned a day out etc,
They come to us for weeks at a time to stay at our house, I drive them somewhere every day

*Later wasn’t supposed to be written there

Which is why I opened my post with a sorry. So you don't ever get in a car to go anywhere when in the UK?

All of dds paternal family live over seas, except their dad, we've never got a present or a card for either them, or their son. Never crossed my mind to be upset by it though, it'd be a faff, and probably get lost somewhere in the post anyway. They give presents when we go there. I have no idea if they give their gc in the same county as them presents. Probably do. I don't care.
My point is, seriously, don't worry about this stuff, it doesn't matter.

@MichelleScarn If they’ve planned to take us somewhere, they live within walking distance of the beach, shops etc, isn’t necessary, occasionally they do a couple of days out. Same as I do every day they’re with us, 2-3 weeks at a time

@arethereanyleftatall They could literally do an Amazon next day delivery to us or bank transfer as Dh’s family do. As I said, it’s not about the money, just the effort, niece & nephew have had presents all birthdays & christmasses with lots of thought out in. Because we don’t live down the road, why should it be different for my Dd?

It’s a big ask for your parents to have to do a 6 hour drive to get you.

I think they could have transferred money but I’d have asked them straight out by now why they didn’t get her anything for her birthday.

I guess it's up to you what you want to get upset by. If the money doesn't matter to you, what difference does it make if they do or don't do a bank transfer?

I suppose it is a bit rubbish and I can understand why you're upset, but natural IME for relationships to drift when you are not having those little points of regular contact, whether you are abroad or far apart in the U.K. Would you like to move back, be closer to your family? If not, I fear that this will continue. Do you send gifts to them? Very rude that they don't reciprocate. Maybe you will have to be even more proactive with visits and contract, so they know you want that level of contact.

OP, I only live 150 miles from my family but.we are the forgotten ones. Its fine for them to not send DD a birthday card but if gifts for nieces and nephews aren't there a week early theres hell to pay and apparently i don't care.

For me it is the thought of my sweet, funny amazing daughter being forgotten or treated as an afterthought because her parents jobs took them a bit further away than the rest. It makes me furious.

We have spent 19 years visiting at least once per month (apart from lockdowns) yet can count on one hand how often they have been to us. All drive apart from me!!

It is really hard but sometimes you need to put a mental distance between you and your family and focus on your new family.

My sister lives a 4 hour drive away and honestly l very rarely go and visit her.
She chose to move away and there is only one of her so it is just easier for her to come and see us.
It is easy tondrift apart when you don't live near each other which is sad but true.

@Glentheredbeakbattleostrich So sorry, I feel the same, it’s hurtful