To wonder if any of them give a crap

[Alliwantforchristmasisbooze]

We live abroad, used to go back to U.K. for Christmas but has been difficult in recent years due to fertility treatments, Dd being born, then covid.
My family only sent Xmas cards, no presents/money for Dd, 3, same for my birthday, my brother, sister and niece & nephews all get money/presents etc.
They all had dinner together today, obviously. No phone call, only WhatsApp off my mum saying Happy Christmas. Messaged happy Christmas to my sister, sent a brief Merry Christmas back.
Aibu to feel a bit sad and left out, just because we’re not there, don’t we count as much 🤷🏻‍♀️

@RedskyThisNight So because I moved away I’m not a close family member, I’m their daughter!

@RedskyThisNight Why do you think they’d still treat my Dd the same as now even if we lived around the corner?

[quote Alliwantforchristmasisbooze]@fourminutestosavetheworld How do I treat them differently? I’m the one who hosts them for weeks at a time, several times a year, I cook, clean, take them out, my sisters never done this to my knowledge[/quote]
She doesn't need to block off a couple of weeks of intensive bonding because she's doing it every day.

I think a lot of pp have tried to explain, often from our own personal experience, how relationships develop differently when you are far apart geographically. A long distance relationship is hard to maintain in any capacity.

But they are your parents so why not ask them? Ask why they don't contact you or your dd at Xmas, why they don't send gifts and so on. We are all just trying to help when the only people who can really answer your question are your family.

Why don’t you get your parents gifts?

@Theremoresefulday I used to but we both sort of stopped with each other, as I said above, it became more about just getting the kids of the family gifts

Another here that sadly thinks realistically, you and your DD are seen as less important. The bond wont be as strong as with your nieces. They won't feel the same because the relationships are very different.
SIL lives next door to PIL, we are an hour away and my nephews have always had bigger and better presents, more time and attention. Even now as older teens, they 'forgot' to put money in my DC Xmas cards. They didn't forget to put it in my nephews'. And when FIL realised and handed out the missing cash, my two got £20 less each then their cousins.
They're physically and emotionally closer.

Yanbu
Your family should make an effort with you and your child. I live away from my family and once I stopped putting the effort in, they stopped bothering. It’s sad but essentially it’s my parent who has missed out on my kids who are more or less grown. It’s also sad that should she need care (likely given her age) there will only be my siblings family to provide seeing as we have no relationship with her
My advice is to put all of your energy into your own family and make strong friendship connections where you live

Oh and in terms of moving away I was homeless due to my parents so moved abroad to do repping. Where I met Oh and moved back to his home town as more work and opportunities. My mother has visited once in 15 years.
I think it totally depends on each individual circumstance

@cptartapp God, that seems so sad to think we may be seen as less important

@Grapewrath So sorry to hear that

As someone who moved away 14 years ago…the onus is on you, not them. You have prioritized living abroad over being close to them. That’s a fact, so have I. So the onus is on you to make most of the effort, to go home at key times of the year, big events, whatsapp them, not the other way around. Yes, it’s shit to be left out, I know, but that was your choice not theirs.

Personally, I don’t understand why it’s been so many years you haven’t been home. I’m home right now. It took me 42 hours, 2 long flights and an absolute bomb in tickets. I’ve taken more covid tests than i can count. I hadn’t seen my family in 2 years and I decided to do everything in my power to come see them, at my own risk, detriment and expense.

My family did visit sometimes before covid and they’re lovely, but 90% of the time it’s me going home, it’s me picking up the phone to them. Of course the grandchildren that live nearby will be the ones that get spoilt, by moving abroad you denied them a close relationship. Again, I understand, I did the same, which is why I think you’re being a bit entitled. Pick up the phone and video call them.