Does everyone else do messy play

[Honeyandlemonnn]

My partner hates messy play but it’s the only way I can get my son distracted long enough without using tv. Today the activity was playing with sand and water . The sand was crushed biscuits. He had a big issue with it saying other nasty comments to me I don’t want to repeat . But basically saying that he’s never seen a mother do what I do. So my question is don’t other mums out there do such messy play and if not what do you do to distract your kids without using tv ?

Ps I'm another person that cant stand wasting food purely for play.
Some mess/exploration when eating, no prob. Sitting down to a stuff tray full of wet baked beans.... no. I think it sends entirely the wrong message.

@DeepaBeesKit okay I see . I’m just following his lead and seeing what he likes . He does those fine motor activities too. I’ve not done the ‘fabricated’ messy play you’ve mentioned but then if he seemed interested in it I would allow it

@DeepaBeesKit

Ps I'm another person that cant stand wasting food purely for play. Some mess/exploration when eating, no prob. Sitting down to a stuff tray full of wet baked beans.... no. I think it sends entirely the wrong message.

I see your point . But he isn’t aware he’s playing with food . I think that’s different compared to baked beans . The crushed biscuit looked just like sand he literally thought it was sand .

@Caterina99 yes the days are even longer with a toddler

I certainly did, was the only way I got through my pregnancy with DC4 as DC3 was a very active toddler! Not a huge fan of using food as it does seem a bit wasteful but he loved a tray of flour with diggers and trucks to play snow storms with. Also shaving foam in the bath tub with cars for a car wash. Very easy to clean up!

Dried rice dyed different colours, little bit of cooked spaghetti, sand pit, water tray, play dough is quick to make and easy to clean up. Highly recommend a tray or a tuff spot and lots of plastic table cloths or a tarpaulin.

My DH also hates mess and I draw the line at kinetic sand!

@MooseBreath

Typically I leave it to nursery, but sometimes I'll do it. My house is messy as it is and the thought of cleaning up after messy play on top of the unending dishes/laundry/hoovering/general mess is anxiety-inducing.

This. I try as it's another thing to add to the mum guilt but kids will play with toys/colour and actually not that fussed on the tv a lot of the time it's on for background noise

Op, do you recognise how your partner treats you isn’t acceptable? The things he says to you are abusive and controlling. You and your dc deserve better.

My kid never did messy play inside . So your dh is not U

Kids that are 18mo are happy to play with anything. Just give them an empty box. Or s balloon. No need for TV at all. (Plus they shouldn't be watching any TV at that age anyway)

Don't know about "messy play" but i just used to play with my kid and other kids and sometimes it got a bit 'messy'.

Mind you, I didn't read any books about how i should play with kids, if i did, then maybe i'd know how wrong i played,; or maybe it's best i wasn't all book-learnt after all.

@sweetbellyhigh I was addressing another poster who mentioned messy play with food, not the OP (or you), so no idea why you've come at me with your weirdly aggressive reply.

@RoyalFamilyFan Fair enough, that sounds like just typical child play and I agree is good for children.

@Honeyandlemonnn My parents are from a country in Eastern Europe, but I imagine many other cultures that are rooted in poorer countries have similar attitudes.

I hated messy play and rarely ever did it with my dc when they were little. They did watch TV and read/listened to stories and drew, coloured, played with pots and pans and played in the garden but I left the creative stuff to nursery. I did not, and still do not, feel a shred of guilt.

Your partner sounds awful though, calling you names etc. Remember that your child will eventually repeat what they've seen and heard.

Op uou sound like a brilliant and fun mum. Bet your ds loves all your efforts.

Your partner sounds vile.

No I don't, I hate messy play. It doesn't stay contained on the tuff tray, you end up with rice/whatever all over the house. I pay vast amounts of money to nursery so he can do it there. He does do playdoh and lots of drawing at home, and plays outside in water and sand when it's warm enough. Not into wasting food on a five minute activity though, and I don't mind him watching TV 🤷

It doesn't really matter though, because the problem is your partner.

It doesn't really matter though, because the problem is your partner.

It really is.

I only do it occasionally because he does so much of that with his childminder, but I've done quite a bit while we've been isolating because he loves it. But each to their own. I can understand why a lot of people hate it too. My husband isn't a fan but does get involved because it makes DS happy. I don't exactly love it either really 😆

Your DH is being horrible though. I could see his point if your messy play was making the carpets and furniture all manky or something, but I don't see why it's a problem with the way you're doing it in the bathroom. Even without messy play, tiny children are not tidy creatures and that's the nature of being a parent! I'm baffled by the bath time thing. If you're bathing the child, drying, feeding and putting them to bed, why on earth wouldn't he pitch in and clear up the bath things if you haven't had time?

Why are so many posters missing the point?
OPs boyfriend doesn’t clean, doesn’t parent, shouts at her and ‘goes mad’. The messiest bit of this is making a kid live with a man like that.

[quote KeranaCosmonauts]@sweetbellyhigh I was addressing another poster who mentioned messy play with food, not the OP (or you), so no idea why you've come at me with your weirdly aggressive reply.

@RoyalFamilyFan Fair enough, that sounds like just typical child play and I agree is good for children.

@Honeyandlemonnn My parents are from a country in Eastern Europe, but I imagine many other cultures that are rooted in poorer countries have similar attitudes.

[/quote]
It isn't weirdly aggressive, it's a straightforward suggestion. Clearly you are uneducated about early childhood education. Worse you scorn the ece professionals. You'd be so much better advised to listen and learn.

Loads of parents do it; we don’t generally as our old house was so small, and DS did things like that at nursery, but I’ll definitely be getting him in to poster paints etc now we’ve moved to a bigger house.

Your DH is wrong, and he also sounds mean and nasty- why would doing creative activities be wrong? It’s a lovely thing for a child to do and you sound like a great Mum.

@Honeyandlemonnn, your partner is trying to wear you down. His criticism of you is emotional and psychological abuse.

The fact that you posted this thread canvasing opinions on messy play and not asking 'Is my partner a first class asshole?' shows that he has been engaged in the breaking of your spirit for a while now.

I highly recommend a book by Lundy Bancroft, 'Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men'.

You have an angry and controlling man on your hands. A jealous man too - jealous of the time and effort you are putting into your child, and the love you have for him.

I would be very inclined to consider a future for you and your little one without this man.

@sweetbellyhigh No, I scorn the waste of food. There are other ways to play and educate that don't involve wasting food.

@mathanxiety thanks

@Justgettingbye not sure about this .My son would sit and watch tv most the day if I let him he wouldn’t just use it as background noise . So I do need to activity come up with things to grab his attention for a long period of time as he doesn’t go nursery to be doing all these things there

I was never a fan of messy play at all. I took her to a class for it instead

Ds had a wall he could draw on

That’s about it

He messy played with his play doh and spoilt all the lovely colours

Messy play was in the bath and when he got older made potions with cheap shampoo/bubble bath/shaving foam. Once included my St Tropez 😖

He never played with his food on his plate it’s not something I would encourage either

Loved messy play. We drew on windows, patio doors, my little one used to sit in a large tub of water and wash his cars, dolls. Painted, play dough, everything. In the bath different colours and potions, foams and crayons. You just clean after no harm done. He's now a strapping 18 year old at uni. He needs to unclench and stop being so uptight.