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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does everyone else do messy play

127 replies

Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 15:21

My partner hates messy play but it’s the only way I can get my son distracted long enough without using tv. Today the activity was playing with sand and water . The sand was crushed biscuits. He had a big issue with it saying other nasty comments to me I don’t want to repeat . But basically saying that he’s never seen a mother do what I do. So my question is don’t other mums out there do such messy play and if not what do you do to distract your kids without using tv ?

OP posts:
Caterina99 · 25/12/2021 19:52

I was a sahm when my kids were toddlers and the days can be looong, so yes we did some of that kind of play. I preferred to keep it outside as much as possible, but otherwise we had an old plastic shower curtain for the floor and most things are easy enough to clean as long as you keep them contained. It wasn’t full on climbing in baths of beans or anything horrifying like that, but they loved driving diggers through kinetic sand or spooning rice into various containers.

If I worked and sent my kids to nursery then god no I wouldn’t do that stuff!

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 25/12/2021 19:52

Noooooo. That's what I pay nursery to do with them.

(We do a fair bit of water play at home though)

PragmaticWench · 25/12/2021 19:56

My 7 and 9 year old still love messy play, shaving foam, slime, sitting in a bit tub in their pants covered in kinetic sand. It's soothing and fun.

Sounds as though your partner has a deep seated issue with mess, maybe because he wasn't allowed to make any as a child? I can't see it improving as your child gets older.

Oblomov21 · 25/12/2021 19:57

I hated messy play and never did it at home, only of sand play or painting outside. I got nursery to do the rest!

33goingon64 · 25/12/2021 19:59

Hell no. Best things if you don't like messy play are play dough and kinetic sand. Easy to clear up. You pay for day care so you don't have to so messy play at home.

Bunnycat101 · 25/12/2021 19:59

itsgettingweird I have to say your post just sounds like hell to me. No issue with paint glitter, all sorts of shite over the house but I struggle with the consistency of beans and rice pudding so could never have enjoyed that sort of play despite the fact I was never uptight at all with my babies covering themselves doing blw.

MooseBreath · 25/12/2021 20:00

Typically I leave it to nursery, but sometimes I'll do it. My house is messy as it is and the thought of cleaning up after messy play on top of the unending dishes/laundry/hoovering/general mess is anxiety-inducing.

DolphinFC · 25/12/2021 20:00

Not gonna lie.

Was hoping this was about something very different.

Jamiecookmytea · 25/12/2021 20:01

Yes we do it, I try to do mainly in the garden as I hate a mess inside 🙈but I still do it. I’m an Early years teacher, it’s very good for little ones and much better than sitting them in front of Cocomelon for hours! You’re doing a great job, he sounds awful.

TheNinny · 25/12/2021 20:04

Did it once. Never again 😂

sweetbellyhigh · 25/12/2021 20:16

@Honeyandlemonnn

You sound like such a lovely and conscientious mother.

Sensory play is so important and you are very creative in your efforts.

The only pity is your partner's attitude. He sounds miserable, mean and utterly clueless about child development.

There is so much more to life than a tidy house.

A few posters have picked up on your imaginative use of crushed biscuits to substitute sand but this is a red herring, your circumstances are extreme in that you are largely confined to small, indoor spaces and have been for a large chunk of his little life.

In our ECE centres in NZ we wouldn't use food ie dried pasta or pulses because culturally it is offensive, but it is different for everyone.

Are you sure you want this guy in your life? What is he like as a partner and parent other than critical and negative?

KeranaCosmonauts · 25/12/2021 20:21

@RoyalFamilyFan

It would be good to see some peer reviewed research proving that. Personally I think it's just a fad.
I'm from a culture that considers wasting food a sin and bad luck. As far as I know, no child from my culture has had their development impaired by not being allowed to do messy play with food.
DD (18 months) plays in her sandpit, we wander around the garden picking up leaves, touching the grass and the mud, we play with building blocks, draw with crayons and play with water, and at meal times she feeds herself and usually smears the food all over herself, which is fine as she's also eating.
But, I've never specifically sat down to do "messy play" and it makes me wince when I see the pictures from nursery where they've piled a load of spaghetti and beans into a tuff tray. It's such a gross waste of food.
I think the OP's husband is being unnecessarily nasty and seems to have too much of an obsession with mess, which is a separate issue though.

BridStar · 25/12/2021 20:21

Sounds like a revolting partner. Telling you that 'others don't do that' is an abusers trick. It isn't true, as what the fuck would he knows about what other mothers do.

Chuck the shitty partner away and keep on playing. My kids enjoyed oats.

sweetbellyhigh · 25/12/2021 20:25

[quote KeranaCosmonauts]@RoyalFamilyFan

It would be good to see some peer reviewed research proving that. Personally I think it's just a fad.
I'm from a culture that considers wasting food a sin and bad luck. As far as I know, no child from my culture has had their development impaired by not being allowed to do messy play with food.
DD (18 months) plays in her sandpit, we wander around the garden picking up leaves, touching the grass and the mud, we play with building blocks, draw with crayons and play with water, and at meal times she feeds herself and usually smears the food all over herself, which is fine as she's also eating.
But, I've never specifically sat down to do "messy play" and it makes me wince when I see the pictures from nursery where they've piled a load of spaghetti and beans into a tuff tray. It's such a gross waste of food.
I think the OP's husband is being unnecessarily nasty and seems to have too much of an obsession with mess, which is a separate issue though. [/quote]

If you want to read research on this, look it up, it's not hard to find. Or do you prefer to stick to what you "just know" 🤔

The OP has explained that her child does not play with food, it was this one occasion because she has no access to sand. It's unlikely he knew it was food.

RoyalFamilyFan · 25/12/2021 20:29

@KeranaCosmonauts messy play does not have to be with food. Children benefit enormously from messy play and if left to their own devices outside do it naturally with mud, leaves, puddles and dirt.

RidingMyBike · 25/12/2021 20:39

No, we didn't do this at home in the house. DD got plenty of opportunity to do messy/sensory play in 3 days a week at nursery and 2 toddler groups a week, which meant no need to do it at home and I didn't like the food waste at home with a lot of it. We also had a garden and did a lot of messy stuff outside. And she 'helped' wash up plastic stuff kneeling on a stool with me next to her. And involve in cooking if practical, eg rubbing butter into flour (the 'Tickle fingers' toddler cook book is good for this). It's messy/sensory but has practical purpose and doesn't waste food.

Just don't turn the tv on if you don't want him to watch it? We found keeping a third of her toys in a box out of sight and rotating them about every ten days worked well. It's ok for them to be bored, they'll whinge a bit, then go and get stuck into whatever is around. We rotated things like toy garage, dolls' house, jigsaws, toy cooking stuff, road jigsaw, wooden train. We were very clear around boundaries with TV and she was only allowed it for 20-30 mins a day late afternoon/before tea sort of time.

stevalnamechanger · 25/12/2021 20:45

My friend puts them in a large paddling pool in the kitchen for messy play , throws it outside when done and hoses it down the next day 🤣

Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 21:21

@NeverDropYourMooncup this is definitely true in his case based on my observation

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Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 21:23

@RoyalFamilyFan this is helpful to know

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Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 21:25

@MooseBreath agree it is a lot of work to tidy up. But him sitting Down for a good hour playing gives me time to compete other things as I’m trying to work from home. If he was going nursery I wouldn’t need to do it as much. I still would do it occasionally like on the weekend .

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Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 21:27

[quote KeranaCosmonauts]@RoyalFamilyFan

It would be good to see some peer reviewed research proving that. Personally I think it's just a fad.
I'm from a culture that considers wasting food a sin and bad luck. As far as I know, no child from my culture has had their development impaired by not being allowed to do messy play with food.
DD (18 months) plays in her sandpit, we wander around the garden picking up leaves, touching the grass and the mud, we play with building blocks, draw with crayons and play with water, and at meal times she feeds herself and usually smears the food all over herself, which is fine as she's also eating.
But, I've never specifically sat down to do "messy play" and it makes me wince when I see the pictures from nursery where they've piled a load of spaghetti and beans into a tuff tray. It's such a gross waste of food.
I think the OP's husband is being unnecessarily nasty and seems to have too much of an obsession with mess, which is a separate issue though. [/quote]
What culture is this ? Just curious

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Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 21:33

@sweetbellyhigh yes that’s true . I just didn’t want to buy sand for him to eat it . I’ve even made home made play dough with flour for the same worry that he might eat play dough if I buy it for him. I wouldn’t give him actual food to play with . Food is expensive

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Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 21:35

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@KeranaCosmonauts messy play does not have to be with food. Children benefit enormously from messy play and if left to their own devices outside do it naturally with mud, leaves, puddles and dirt.[/quote]
We do a lot of outdoor stuff when we can too. Its a little harder living in London the most we can do is go to local parks. His dad does have an issue with this too. But I don’t mind him getting dirty as long as he’s having fun.

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DeepaBeesKit · 25/12/2021 21:37

Depends what you call "messy play". I didnt do these sort of fabricated/sensory "messy play" activities where you are just sort of making a mess for the sake of it (trays of shaving foam/mashed potato/jelly etc).

However we did plenty of creative or fine motor building activities where some mess is an inevitable consequence - painting, drawing, stickers, plasticine, bead jewellry etc. Making pictures or models. Sand and water outside in summer.

Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 21:39

@RidingMyBike I’ve started reading reading a book which mentions all that you’ve mentioned already so I’m trying to incorporate those. I’m planning on getting him a toddler stool when I find one . Also I did start rotating his toys these past few days and it helped too, seemed to focus on one toy or activity at a time . Before I would just put them all out in front of him so I think that overwhelmed him and he wouldn’t end up playing for long . Thanks

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