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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does everyone else do messy play

127 replies

Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 15:21

My partner hates messy play but it’s the only way I can get my son distracted long enough without using tv. Today the activity was playing with sand and water . The sand was crushed biscuits. He had a big issue with it saying other nasty comments to me I don’t want to repeat . But basically saying that he’s never seen a mother do what I do. So my question is don’t other mums out there do such messy play and if not what do you do to distract your kids without using tv ?

OP posts:
Bellsandsnow · 25/12/2021 16:55

I always do. We have a tuff tray and it is always out- currently full of water after Ice cube play.

Bellsandsnow · 25/12/2021 16:57

P.s. we always do crushed food!.I make up farms and use cloud dough, crushed Weetabix or oats. We always use lentils and pasta. Totally normal. As a primary teacher, I know how important it is for development and you are giving your child valuable learning opportunities.

janedani · 25/12/2021 16:58

Lots of messy play here, kids older now 6, 8 and 11 but crafts out everywhere. Have you tried shaving foam in a tray and make shapes with it or hide toys in it.

PinkandGreenWaterBottle · 25/12/2021 17:15

My 6 year old still loves a bit of messy play! I don't do it as much now but we did loads during the lockdowns as it was great when she wasn't in school.

BogRollBOGOF · 25/12/2021 17:28

[quote Honeyandlemonnn]@FanciedChange Just comments about my parenting choices all the time refers to them as dirty and keeps saying im turning the house into a pigs state . But in reality i am the only one that cleans . But this has been happening since my son was little and i would allow him to feed himself . He would complain about food being all over his hands and mouth and some on the floor as if i was doing something wrong. He even complains about the mess ( clothes and toys ) in the bathroom after giving my son a bath. After giving my son a bath i usually go to the room dress him give him his milk then sort out the bathroom but if he enters before ive had a chance to do this he goes crazy. Even recently i started an activity where we would collect leaves from trees into his bucket , my son loves this activity, Also i brought the leaves home and washed them and my son used them for painting and my partner had an issue with it complaining how the leaves have been outside and are dirty blah blah how am i letting our son do that . Its exhausting . Alot of the times i am just trying to get through the day[/quote]
That sounds very wearing, especially where it's just empty criticism and he's not involved in the clean up or child-entertaining.

Messy play is important stimulation and for fine and gross motor control. It wasn't my DCs' favourite thing and the entertainment/ logistics ratio wasn't great so I did end up doing less at home and more more outsourced, and even now that they're older they still get the age-appropriate version at Cubs.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 25/12/2021 17:28

@MONSTERSALAD

I don't - I hate messy play and as far as I'm concerned I pay through the nose for nursery so they can do it instead.

DD is 2 and we'll make some snowmen with cotton wool and PVA glue if we can be bothered, but she's happy doing puzzles and playing with her cars at home, thank God!

This. Exactly. Takes forever to set up, takes forever to clean up and then DS plays for about 20 minutes if I'm lucky. Almost every time I try it it's a disastrous shitshow- I still have lived down the time I accidental dyed DS red 🤦🏼‍♀️

We do water play in the garden in the summer. Other than that, he can do his messy play at nursery.

Bunnycat101 · 25/12/2021 17:54

There is messy play and messy play. Mine have always done lots of painting at home, playing in the mud in the garden, both did blw but I’ve never liked messy play with food. I never really saw the need to shove a baby in a tuff tray full of beans and some of the photos I’ve seen make me feel a bit ill.

MotherWol · 25/12/2021 17:55

@mathanxiety you say you have a friend, but it doesn’t really sound like she’s your friend…

Bunnycat101 · 25/12/2021 18:04

I’d also say your partner sounds horrid To you regardless of your position on messy play. It sounds like he’d be horrid about what you did even if it was something utterly conventional like play doh or colouring.

Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 25/12/2021 18:24

@Bunnycat101 I guess each to their own. He’s never played with food . I just wanted him to play with sand as he’s played with it before and enjoyed it so to not worry if he got any in his mouth crushed biscuit was a good substitute

OP posts:
Jinglemychristmasbells · 25/12/2021 18:45

We do lots of messy play I'm not keen on the mess but the kids love a bit of messy play.

randomsabreuse · 25/12/2021 18:51

I leave messy play to nursery and childminder. Can't be doing with cleaning up after and the time gained isn't worth finding the mess elsewhere unexpectedly.

Mine liked blocks, Duplo, train tracks and things with wheels...

RoyalFamilyFan · 25/12/2021 19:10

I used to work in a nursery. We were taught how important messy play is for children's development in exploring different textures and consistencies as well as developing fine motor skills.
We would have play with food activities. We really emphasised messy play as so many parents did not do it at home.
You are doing the very best for your child.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 25/12/2021 19:16

The people I know who have problems with messy play are often the ones whose mothers were cold and distant (like mine) or who had abusive fathers who wouldn't permit their wives or children to do anything enjoyable/that felt as though they were not under control - quite possibly because they were the victims of equal mistreatment as children.

The 'no other mother is like that' comment makes me think he is one of those and that the emphasis upon cleanliness/sterility is mimicking his absence of emotion.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 25/12/2021 19:21

I would more describe it as “I let my children fuck shit up so I can do things for them”. Eg in order to cook them a fresh meal they often wreck the kitchen/empty puzzle pieces on the floor, play with water on the floor, play with sand, play with snacks etc etc etc. I hate mess and then have to clean it up but it’s a necessary evil. Everything I try to do always ends badly without supervision etc civilised paint sticks on a colouring book ends up as drawing on the floor but if that’s what it takes for me to make a lasagne then fine 🤦🏻‍♀️😬

Boobicoosg · 25/12/2021 19:21

@Redlorryyellowduck

I have never done messy play and never will. They do that at playgroup, or naturally make a mess with whatever they are doing, but the idea of crushing up biscuits and water and making that a game doesn't really appeal. They play with toys, play in the garden, go on outings and to activities, I feel no need to scatter foodstuff about the place at all.
Amen! Wine
maryzx · 25/12/2021 19:24

It was pretty much what I did with my small children every day, OP. XH hated anything "messy", so I told him he needed to either go upstairs or go out if he was going to complain about it. However, I'm not very houseproud so the mess never bothered me.

There was nothing "Instamum" about it, @dreamingbohemian. I just had small children at home, and no TV. It was the era before devices. What else would anyone do with small children in that situation? We also read, endlessly, and did things like making dens under the table - plus going for walks, library poking sticks in puddles etc, etc. etc. The stuff anyone would do with small children and no technology to speak of.

Bingbangbongbash · 25/12/2021 19:35

I’d love to do more messy play - can you throw some ideas my way, please?

I think your DH sounds a bit uptight, OP. Mess and dirt are extremely important for development and their immune system. Don’t let him make you doubt your ability and strength as a mum.

gogohm · 25/12/2021 19:37

No, that's what tots/nursery was for 😁. In the garden occasionally but not on Christmas Day

itsgettingweird · 25/12/2021 19:42

Messy play is great for babies.

Builders trays to sit it with water, sand, baked beans, rice pudding, paint, shaving foam!

Also try cornflour and water - the way it softens and hardens blows their minds Xmas Grin

avocadotofu · 25/12/2021 19:43

We do too, it's really important for their development.

itsgettingweird · 25/12/2021 19:44

[quote Honeyandlemonnn]@Metallicalover I would ideally prefer to do it outside but it’s cold right now[/quote]
I had a onsie and all in one puddle suit to do play outside all year. Strip the puddle suitnoff at the door and the onsie keeps them warm!

Ilikecheeseontoast · 25/12/2021 19:46

I did with my first but with 3 the mess is on another level! We do messy-ish... baking, painting, playdough, block play, role play, gardening (digging) bubbles etc. I suppose it depends on the age of your child.

Newuser82 · 25/12/2021 19:48

I do it a lot. My sons love it. My husband hates it 😂

BurntO · 25/12/2021 19:50

100% no. Never ever. However I am aware it scratches a certain itch for kids and I am happy for nursery to take the lead there, as they do plenty. I struggle with it personally