Visitors with sleeping children

[TheSpyWhoSleighedMe]

Family member will stay in the car for hours if their child or children are asleep! waiting for them to wake - and I do mean hours! This is their third baby, she’s nearly two. They’ve done this for every child, every time they visit. When it was just one baby both husband & wife will stay in the car. Recently one parent will remain with the sleeping child/ren and the other will come inside with whoever is awake.

Lunch is on the table getting cold. They arrived at 11:30, it’s now 13:43.

Aibu for thinking it’s odd (and giving my myself a headache with the amount of eye rolling).

@WhoAre

My son would wake up even if he had been asleep for ten minutes and then he would scream and be an asshole for hours so I would be doing the same as your friend/family member! And if you were being as judgemental you are I wouldn't come back next year. Just keep the food in the oven.

But OP has said that the other children are starving, it isn’t fair to keep them waiting.

Why do you let your children walk all over you? You raised them to be this disrespectful? It’s beyond rude to keep people waiting to eat for whatever reason. Have your meal, enjoy your Christmas and ignore this ridiculous behaviour for today. I hope you can discuss this with them like adults and sort this out for the next gathering. For them to withhold contact for you not going along with this, that’s terrible and no one benefits from this.

If it's third child, and this has happened for every child previously, then I'm not sure why the rules of engagement weren't set before hand.

'We are eating at X time. You will want to time it so X isn't asleep or you can eat with them afterwards. You will understand I can't keep a Xmas dinner for x people warm in the over for 2 hours.'

If they can't agree then I'd just say no problem we'll see you after lunch.

My kids are my world but I wouldn't hold up a groups Xmas dinner for them

@dworky

It's absolute madness. Sleeping childen can be easily carried into the house, they are not unexploded bombs.

Actually, one of my GC almost always woke if we tried to move him when he slept. The other 3 would sleep through a world war 🤣

I was going to ask OP if they were Grandma. It is often the case that Grandma will put up with the most ridiculous behaviour from the AC so that they can continue to see the DGC.
If the AC/visitors insist on such pandering to children they are really making a rod for their own backs. The AC are not willing to consider any alternatives.
Try a Christmas without AC and see what peace is like.

Omg, they are so entitled! In what universe do they think it is acceptable to make everyone wait to eat because they decide yo stay in their car with a sleeping child?

That's madness.

I might be a cruel mum but I wake my baby up if she's asleep in the car when we get home (unless I want a couple of minutes on MN in peace )

They both sound incredibly rude and I really feel for you OP. If nothing else, I’d stop inviting them to lunch so this particular trigger is removed.

Aside from the car thing, they behave abusively and control you using emotional blackmail. That’s appalling. Is there anyone who can help you take a stand? A partner or sibling?

Honestly if your kids were really this difficult, it makes mores sense to go only to informal occasions e.g. boxing day buffet, than a sit down meal.

Weird as f

Very rude

Of them!

I’ve been that person sat in the car! There was a stage with both my kids when they needed a nap or wouldn’t last the day without being absolute horrors and yes if moved that would be it for the nap.
However I would never have wanted people to wait for me to eat. I’d have been more than happy picking up leftovers - given it was my choice to be in the car!

You'll have to either start eating without them if/when they won't come inside within a reasonable period of time. If they don't like it, too bad. You can offer to bring food to them, but it's stupid for the food to get cold just because they won't stick to a schedule.

I might stop inviting them for meals. Instead, they can come for the afternoon and snacks of the type that are eaten chilled or at room temperature. Then it won't matter how many hours they take to finally make their way inside. (And everyone else can sit back, chat, and snack at will while they wait.)

The toddler arrived already asleep at 11:30 and only woke up a bit before 2:45?! That's an incredibly long nap

It all sounds absolutely bonkers. My 2 year old needs a nap and will normally wake as soon as she's moved so I've sat outside my family's homes a few times with her snoozing in the car.I wouldn't sit for any longer than about half an hour though, it's just a quick snooze to keep them going, not a full blown sleep. No way would I be sitting in the car for hours on end. Also my DD's nap is my issue and I'd not mind at all anyone else starting their meal and would be hugely grateful for any refreshments bought to the car! Your family members sound incredibly selfish to try to dictate the entire day around their child's quite unusual napping habits.

There’s absolutely no way that my dinner would be on the table, going hold, while I was being held to ransom by an overindulged adult who’d have a tantrum if I didn’t dance to their tune.

If they want to sit in a car for a couple of hours while their child sleeps they can have their dinner reheated when they come in. The rest of you should crack on and enjoy lunch. If they don’t like that, tough shit.

If the mum is reading here, you’re a cheeky fucker. You can’t expect the whole world to revolve round your child’s nap times. And grow up, stop punishing their grandparents if they don’t do exactly as you want, fgs.

The AC is a monster. Fancy punishing your DM this much. what is it he or she is cross about?
OP you have to stop letting this person play this game with you all. It will not be good in the long run for any of you.

I would be beyond livid if I had spent hours prepping and cooking Christmas dinner for it to be delayed indefinitely because a child was napping. Similarly, I would not expect dinner to wait for me/my sleeping child. I’d appreciate a plate set aside for me, or if I were really hungry I’d consider eating it in the car. They are being incredibly disrespectful.

You need to set some boundaries.

One thing to choose to sit in the car.

Another entirely to expect everyone to wait for ages before eating because they're in the car, and then get pissy about it. On Christmas day!

It sounds like your child is regressing to a child themselves when they come home.

Sounds like such hard work. I wonder if there is mental health issues going on. When I had PND I was angry and very defensive.

Maybe a bit of distance isn't such a bad thing.

If I’d have woken my kids it would have been dreadful. Assuming it’s a house with a drive I’d park my car on the drive and stick a baby monitor in there.

Salutary tale about poor parenting.

It inevitably comes back and bites you on the ass.

Appalling behaviour by your child.

Of course you should eat and put a plate aside.

The only time it's acceptable is if the childs ill. Otherwise they get carried in asleep or woken up. That was my mums rule when cooking for me and DD (now aged 6), it's not done DD any harm. It didn't do me or my sibling or the cousin who lived with us for years any harm, the occasional late night never hurt anyone.

Even extremely grumpy kids when woken can be tamed by presents and food on Christmas Day?

They came in not long after my last post. This was about an hour after we sat down to eat and the rest of us were getting really merry by this point . I told them food was in the oven and to help themselves. They hardly said a word and left over an hour ago.

Before meeting his wife and having children my son was extremely rigid and inflexible with times & schedules. 13:30 lunch meant sitting down at exactly 13:29. He used to get very annoyed if people were even a couple minutes late. Once my sister & her family came to us for Christmas. They had to change a tyre on the way and arrived 5 minutes late. My son didn’t wait and was eating his starter when they arrived . I used to want him to relax a bit more and wondered if he was on the spectrum due to his strict rules. Now he’s a completely different person...be careful what you wish for!

I’m not judging them, they can do what they like in their own home. However when it directly affects us and other members of our family I just think it’s unfair.

I stopped inviting them for sit down meals years ago (after being told oh are eating this again). I usually do sandwiches or cold buffet type foods.

Of course I get it’s their choice, child etc however it becomes such an issue if we carry on with lunch or dinner. Being told we’re disrespectful, rude and childish.

You’d have thought this little nugget would make it to the original post. Or is it just in response to so many saying you were unreasonable.