Visitors with sleeping children

[TheSpyWhoSleighedMe]

Family member will stay in the car for hours if their child or children are asleep! waiting for them to wake - and I do mean hours! This is their third baby, she’s nearly two. They’ve done this for every child, every time they visit. When it was just one baby both husband & wife will stay in the car. Recently one parent will remain with the sleeping child/ren and the other will come inside with whoever is awake.

Lunch is on the table getting cold. They arrived at 11:30, it’s now 13:43.

Aibu for thinking it’s odd (and giving my myself a headache with the amount of eye rolling).

That's nuts.

I'm honestly shocked at the lack of understanding here. Go ahead and eat your lunch and let them do what they think is in the best interests of their child. Not all children can be moved when they are asleep and why should they not be allowed to sleep, because it inconveniences your day!

YANBU if they are expecting you to wait

YABU if they happy for you to crack on

I think the problem is less about them being in the car, and more about their negative reactions when you want to continue as planned?

I don’t see anything wrong with sitting in the car. We have 3 DC and we often sit in the car if they are napping, but I certainly wouldn’t get stroppy of others continued, I’d want and expect them to!

That’s fine if they want to wait in the car with sleeping child… but they can’t expect you to wait to eat. I would just plate them up a portion and if they don’t want it in the car then stick it in the oven to keep warm. I have waited in the car for half hour before with sleeping child but that is really rude to still be out there 2 hours later.

@Mustrryharder

I'm honestly shocked at the lack of understanding here. Go ahead and eat your lunch and let them do what they think is in the best interests of their child. Not all children can be moved when they are asleep and why should they not be allowed to sleep, because it inconveniences your day!

But OP's update indicates that's not acceptable either. The parent in the house "stomped off" at the suggestion that everyone else eat, and the person in the car has theirs later.

Such selfish and entitled behaviour to expect everyone's day to run to the schedule of a 2 year old.

“Disrespectful, rude and childish” that’s them actually. They’re very rude and self absorbed. I can see where their children get their grumpiness from.. Just push on. Why should everyone eat cold or overcooked food? How long is this going to go on for?!

That is utterly ludicrous. You can’t go and visit other people (well, certainly not if you’re expecting to be catered for, anyway!) and behave like that. You either fit in and carry child inside, or let everyone carry on in your absence.

If people want to sit watching their sleeping kids for hours in their own car outside their own homes it’s fuckin’ ridiculous. But to do it outside your home, when you’ve cooked for them, it is not on. Why do you invite them, why do they even turn up to do this? What are they trying to prove, mad cunts!

If you really do want them to come, perhaps say when you issue the invitation "we want to work around the children's nap times, so when would be best for you to arrive? You can set up a travel cot in this bedroom, we don't want you to miss out on time with us".

Unless they feel obliged to come and it's a tactic for avoiding too much family time....

Fuck that noise! You’ve spent hours slaving over a Christmas dinner for them and they have the gall to tell you you’re unreasonable for offering a plate in the car?

Crack on, plate everyone else up and enjoy your feast. Your world does not, and absolutely should not revolve around dickheads like this…

2 very hungry DC are likely to be just as grumpy as one woken up prematurely 🤷🏽‍♀️

Fuck that, everyone else eats, person in the car either eats in the car or later.

@TheSpyWhoSleighedMe

Of course I get it’s their choice, child etc however it becomes such an issue if we carry on with lunch or dinner. Being told we’re disrespectful, rude and childish.

I have suggested a plate in the car before but was told I’m being ridiculous for making them eat in the car, in the cold

The children can be moody but I’ve not witnessed tantrums from them before. ’ve taken care of them in the past and have woken them up for various reasons. They’re grumpy for a bit but definitely no screaming so it’s not that.
I take full responsibility for the behaviour. I’ve enabled it. I’ve just said to everyone in the house let’s eat. The parent who is in the house has stomped off to the car (the 2 kids are staying to eat as they’re starving). Not sure when the others will appear.

That puts a different light on the situation. If they wish to stay with the dc fine, but making everyone else wait is just spiteful.

Eat the lunch!

They can sit in the car if they want.

You should eat as scheduled.

The suggestion that you should all be microwaving plates later because one person can't come to table is ludicrous.

Can't they take turns anyway? One person eats quickly, then the other has their dinner.

@WimpoleHat

That is utterly ludicrous. You can’t go and visit other people (well, certainly not if you’re expecting to be catered for, anyway!) and behave like that. You either fit in and carry child inside, or let everyone carry on in your absence.

This ^.

If you are a guest you don't get to dictate how other people eat or when they eat.

Just don't invite them next year they are just a king size PIA and entitled with it.

Just taking one of the children for a toilet break so adding a few points.

A couple times the parents have had dinner parties or been out and we went over to pick the children up to take back to ours to babysit. They were asleep and had to be woken up. There were no tantrums or screams.

The parent who just ‘stomped off’ said we’re unfair to start eating. They had a drink in their hand which they poured down the sink and slammed the door as they went outside. This is mild behaviour from them.

I have enabled their behaviour because in the past we have been ‘punished’ for not doing what they want. So no calls, visits, invites to birthday parties that sort of thing. I’ve slowly started standing up to them and they don’t like it

The car is not very far from our dining room window and we can see the toddler has been awake for at least 10 minutes.

Dc1 was another that would scream for an hour or more if woken from a nap. But I’d never dream of anyone having to hold up their dinner for us.

My 2yo generally needs his nap or THINGS GO WRONG. I would need to be within hearing distance. I'd be very happy with a plate in the car though or you eating without me and saving me some.

Honestly, their "punishment" sounds like it would be a great relief! I would let them stomp off and sulk.

@bravefox

YANBU if they are expecting you to wait

YABU if they happy for you to crack on

This.

Until the bit about them getting moody if you eat, I'd have assumed at least one of them is socially anxious/ doesn't like you lot very much and was glad of the excuse to hide out in the car.

@escapingthecity

If you really do want them to come, perhaps say when you issue the invitation "we want to work around the children's nap times, so when would be best for you to arrive? You can set up a travel cot in this bedroom, we don't want you to miss out on time with us".

Unless they feel obliged to come and it's a tactic for avoiding too much family time....

That doesn’t work. They don’t stick to times even if they set them.

if I needed to be in the car for the child, I'd be pathetically grateful to have lunch brough to me.

They sound batshit. Why on earth do you continue to invite them?