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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Surprise on Christmas Eve- AIBU??

99 replies

GingernutConspiracy · 24/12/2021 23:34

Having a family crisis on Christmas Eve 😩
Parents live a 4 hour drive away from us and our immediate family is small - just them, my brother and myself. My parents only come to visit a few times a year and with Covid it's been even less (they're in their 70s) I'm a single parent of an eleven year old and have, like everyone else, been living in bubbles throughout out all. I have a career I love, I work full time and have to book time off long in advance - I got 5 days for the xmas hols. We finally make it to Christmas, all double vaccinated with them getting the booster 2 weeks ago and me yesterday. They wanted to treat everyone and have dinner in a hotel (my Mum always prefers this also). My daughter was only just too young to get her vaccinations but as we've all been so careful in the lead up to Christmas, we waited for the big 'pay off' over the holidays. I let them know I wasn't feeling great the evening before and we confirmed meeting early on Christmas Day, them being here to watch my daughter open her presents drinks etc. So around 11am today, no warning, I am having a lie-down with a mild reaction to the booster and someone starts banging on the front door. After a few minutes, I open it and there they are without warning asking why Im 'still' in my dressing gown. They also passed me presents that were from my brother which made me ask why he couldn't exchange with the rest of us on xmas day. Turns out he had told them he had made other plans and now wouldn't be joining. They demanded I hand them our presents for him, which I did and off they went. Right after, I both texted and called my brother but he hasn't replied, even at 11pm. Later on, I was on the phone with my parents who confessed to me he had told them he is a non-vaxer etc. When they pressed him for more info he apparently laughed it off as if it were a joke and then told them he HAD gotten both jabs after all. But he couldn't show any cards or proof of this, in spite of knowing full well for well over 6 weeks that he wouldn't be able to get into the hotel for the xmas dinner. We have had our cards laminated and our Covid passports are at the ready. Loads of planning has gone into it all. He wasn't wearing a mask and they told me they'd spent about 3 hours in his house. I asked my parents whether they believed his claim to be vaccinated and they say yes, but I have a nagging suspicion he has lied and put them (and potentially also then us) at risk. I am now at a loss at what to do re.tomorrow. Do I go along anyway to the dinner with my unvaccinated daughter? When I expressed my worry, my mother basically told me I'd ruin Christmas and blamed me for what's happened etc (she tends to always do this generally). I feel really unsure. I'm prepared with plenty of food etc at my house so worst case, at least we wouldn't be stuck but then they say they won't bother going to the dinner if I don't show up. He certainly won't be going either way, without proof of vacs, as the hotel won't let him in! I am outraged by this and stressed to the max. It feels like everything hangs on me for xmas day. What the hell would you do??? 🙈

* [title edited by MNHQ] * **

OP posts:
MrsBlondie · 24/12/2021 23:37

Just go for dinner at the restaurant?! If your brother turns up and gets in then he joins you.

museumum · 24/12/2021 23:39

I don’t understand why you’re so worried - presumably your daughter has been in school with loads of other unvaccinated children?
Yes your brother might have had it asymptotically and passed it to your parents and there’s a small chance in 24 hours they could become infectious but really it’s all very unlikely.

Vapeyvapevape · 24/12/2021 23:40

Go and have dinner at the hotel, you’ll be fine.

LynxGiftsetAndSocks · 24/12/2021 23:40

if it were me i'd be having a date with that emergency food you have in....

sounds awful, i'd ditch it all

Coughee · 24/12/2021 23:42

I'd go for dinner for sure. Like you say the hotel won't let him in without some kind of covid pass.

sadpapercourtesan · 24/12/2021 23:42

What would I do? I would tell them my dc and I would not be attending the dinner, and wish them a Happy Christmas. Then I would switch off my phone and have a lovely, quiet, emotional-blackmail-free Christmas with my child.

They're all behaving outrageously. You are the ONLY person in this scenario who has done nothing wrong - and you are the one getting the blame. And it isn't the first time, is it? Make it the last.

daisyjgrey · 24/12/2021 23:43

I don't really know what the issue is, except that your brother sounds like a pain in the arse.

Just go to dinner at the restaurant like you planned?

greenlynx · 24/12/2021 23:43

Sorry it’s a bit unclear what exactly you are worried about re dinner?

ExtremeIroning · 24/12/2021 23:43

Jesus just go to the dinner

Newschapter · 24/12/2021 23:44

He doesn't need to have been vaccinated.

All he has to do is show proof of a negative LFT.

Hellocatshome · 24/12/2021 23:44

I wouldn't be worried about going to the restaurant as either your brother gets in or he doesnt and if he does and he is unvaccinated then thats no different to your daughter being unvaccinated really. I think your family sounds a bit dysfunctional though when would your brother either a lie or b say such a stupid thing as a joke?

Blueroses99 · 24/12/2021 23:45

Most places I’ve been to accept proof of double vaccines (eg Covid pass on app) or negative lateral flow - is the hotel the same? Is you brother willing to take a test before the dinner?

SleepingStandingUp · 24/12/2021 23:45

I don't understand.

You're worried that because he's unvaxxed he's also asymptomatic and has given your parents covid and they'll give it to your daughter? And this worry is based on HIM being unvaxxed. But your parents are presumably boosted. So whatever extra risk you think he is for being unvaxxed, surely you also believe your parents aren't at risk because they are? You can't have it both ways.

In reality any of you could have picked it up anywhere and your daughter has presumably been in school with hundreds of unvaxxed kids and potentially teachers too.

You're completely over reacting.

Go to the meal.

M0rT · 24/12/2021 23:46

If your brother is not feeling unwell then your parents and you and your daughter don't seem to be at any more risk going for a meal in a restaurant then you were always going to be in a public place.
If your brother can't go to the restaurant without a Covid cert then that's not your responsibility.
The anti vax conversation is best avoided in families, no good can come of it.
Happy Christmas 🎄

Mummy1608 · 24/12/2021 23:49

I think you wouldn't be at any extra risk going to the resto because as a PP said, even if your parents caught it off him it'd be a few more days before they'd be infectious.

However I did vote yanbu because they sound exhausting and I hate surprises of any kind let alone surprise visits. Ugh yanbu to be annoyed they sprang in on you a day early, why couldn't they just ring you beforehand?!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 24/12/2021 23:49

You’ll already be spending it with your unvaxxed DD, I can’t see spending it with an additional unvacxed person makes it that much worse but it doesn’t even sound like he’s going to be there so I don’t really get what the issue is?

The likelihood that he’s asymptomatically got covid, spent 3 hours with your triple-jabbed parents today and given it to them quickly enough that they could have it to the point that it could have any effect on your dinner tomorrow is incredibly slim.

Presumably your daughter has just spent the last term at school around 30+ other unvaxxed kids every day, I would say the risk there was far greater than it will be spending a few hours with your vaccinated parents just because they’ve had contact with your brother.

WorriedGiraffe · 24/12/2021 23:52

I don’t really understand, if he’s not going then why wouldn’t you go? Even if he is going, why wouldn’t you go? I’m not sure I understand the problem. You can’t be that scared of catching covid if you are eating out on Christmas Day, but you’ve had your booster so you are far safer. And your child is a child and so also relatively safe.

waterrat · 24/12/2021 23:53

You seem to be very very worried about covid to a level personally I am not so I can only speak from my perspective.

All the vulnerable people in your family are now vaccinated. Your daughter is not at risk hence why she hasn't been offered the vaccine.

Your daughter and you can just get on and live your normal life. I wouldn't personally care if my sibling was unvaccunated and I think you are getting het up about nothing

Mumzoo5070 · 24/12/2021 23:53

Guess what, even if he is vaccinated he could still get it and spread it.

Talipesmum · 24/12/2021 23:55

Infuriating of your brother, but go to the dinner. If he is covid positive (no reason to think he is other than he’s unvaccinated), and even if your parents did potentially pick it up from him (though good chance they might not have as boosted etc) then they are v unlikely to be infectious enough the very next day to pass it on to you. So I don’t think your risk has increased. Certainly no more than your daughter being at school as normal.

You can be mad at him for being an idiot, and probably lying about it, but go to the meal and enjoy seeing your parents. Don’t let this spoil that part.

FiremanSid · 24/12/2021 23:58

I gave in to extreme family pressure last weekend and went to a family meal in a pub. No one asked us for any covid passport or any proof of vaccination (we're in England) so I'm not sure why you're expecting anyone to be restricted from entry.

I tested positive for covid yesterday. SIL went to her work Xmas do a few days before the meal and most of us at the dinner have caught it from her. All adults were at least double jabbed. I had my booster a month ago, but I still caught covid. I wish I hadn't gone. There's a lot of covid around right now. I wouldn't take the risk.

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 24/12/2021 23:58

You go for the dinner. Your daughter has been mixing with plenty of unvaccinated children at school (unless there’s a big drip feed coming about home schooling), and likely mixes with unvaccinated people in shops etc all the time.

Your brother would be able to go the restaurant with a negative lateral flow even in ten absence of a vaccine (again, unless there’s a big drip feed coming about where you live).

You’re overreacting.

Thepineapplemystery · 24/12/2021 23:59

Just go. I'm not really sure what any of the back story has to do with tomorrow? You go with your parents and your brother either joins or doesn't depending on the hotels requirements.

CeibaTree · 25/12/2021 00:00

Sorry I've read your OP and don't quite understand your dilemma- surely it's just your brother who won't get in without a covid passport or whatever they are called. Can't he just do an LFT? Why are you and your daughter thinking of not going?

Totallydefeated · 25/12/2021 00:01

Sorry, I’ve read your OP through twice now and I’m still not sure what you’re so stressed about?

If your brother isn’t allowed into the restaurant tomorrow, the rest of you can still enjoy the meal, no?

Your brother poses no more risk to you or your parents than your DD (probably less).

Just because somebody is unvaccinated does not mean that they are suffering m from Covid and contagious at all times. And without minosmind the effect that Covid has on some, the vast majority are not badly affected by it even when unvaccinated and you and your parents are vaccinated. Your DD is young enough to face no more than an absolutely minuscule risk from Covid even though unvaccinated.

Are you very very anxious about Covid?

I just can’t see the big issue.

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