Surprise on Christmas Eve- AIBU??

[GingernutConspiracy]

Having a family crisis on Christmas Eve 😩
Parents live a 4 hour drive away from us and our immediate family is small - just them, my brother and myself. My parents only come to visit a few times a year and with Covid it's been even less (they're in their 70s) I'm a single parent of an eleven year old and have, like everyone else, been living in bubbles throughout out all. I have a career I love, I work full time and have to book time off long in advance - I got 5 days for the xmas hols. We finally make it to Christmas, all double vaccinated with them getting the booster 2 weeks ago and me yesterday. They wanted to treat everyone and have dinner in a hotel (my Mum always prefers this also). My daughter was only just too young to get her vaccinations but as we've all been so careful in the lead up to Christmas, we waited for the big 'pay off' over the holidays. I let them know I wasn't feeling great the evening before and we confirmed meeting early on Christmas Day, them being here to watch my daughter open her presents drinks etc. So around 11am today, no warning, I am having a lie-down with a mild reaction to the booster and someone starts banging on the front door. After a few minutes, I open it and there they are without warning asking why Im 'still' in my dressing gown. They also passed me presents that were from my brother which made me ask why he couldn't exchange with the rest of us on xmas day. Turns out he had told them he had made other plans and now wouldn't be joining. They demanded I hand them our presents for him, which I did and off they went. Right after, I both texted and called my brother but he hasn't replied, even at 11pm. Later on, I was on the phone with my parents who confessed to me he had told them he is a non-vaxer etc. When they pressed him for more info he apparently laughed it off as if it were a joke and then told them he HAD gotten both jabs after all. But he couldn't show any cards or proof of this, in spite of knowing full well for well over 6 weeks that he wouldn't be able to get into the hotel for the xmas dinner. We have had our cards laminated and our Covid passports are at the ready. Loads of planning has gone into it all. He wasn't wearing a mask and they told me they'd spent about 3 hours in his house. I asked my parents whether they believed his claim to be vaccinated and they say yes, but I have a nagging suspicion he has lied and put them (and potentially also then us) at risk. I am now at a loss at what to do re.tomorrow. Do I go along anyway to the dinner with my unvaccinated daughter? When I expressed my worry, my mother basically told me I'd ruin Christmas and blamed me for what's happened etc (she tends to always do this generally). I feel really unsure. I'm prepared with plenty of food etc at my house so worst case, at least we wouldn't be stuck but then they say they won't bother going to the dinner if I don't show up. He certainly won't be going either way, without proof of vacs, as the hotel won't let him in! I am outraged by this and stressed to the max. It feels like everything hangs on me for xmas day. What the hell would you do??? 🙈

* [title edited by MNHQ] * **

@PyongyangKipperbang it's highly unlikey that the hotel have imposed 'only the vaccinated' policy for Christmas. Op, doesn't actually mention LFT.

I think its more a case of op has just made that up.

And if they do have the policy, he isn't going. So op can still go. So there's no issue.

Its very odd that the family are so awful, but op was looking forward to this, right up until she found dmour his vaccine action status.

Then the other stuff is a huge problem.

Your covered

With that massive dripfeed-why would yo go?

They don't care about you.

Wouldn't you rather be at home with your daughter-wouldn't she?

@MimiDaisy11

I believe that having umpteen vaccines suppresses your own immunity so I decide against having any

As part of the campaign to get people vaccinated there should have been some education on how vaccines work. Some of the stuff people come out with.

I completely agree regarding the need for science education.

Of course vaccines don't suppress your immunity!!!

There’s so much going on here. Overall why would you agree to see your brother when he acted that way and you’ve had no apology. He sounds unstable. The way he just acted with your parents? Doing the unvaccinated/vaccinated laughing thing sounds like he’s at risk of another meltdown? I’d go for dinner in the hotel as your brother is unlikely to show but don’t let him into your house.

@GingernutConspiracy

I should have added a bit to the back story - the last xmas before lockdown I had everyone staying at mine for a week or so. I love family xmas, cooking, baking etc, it used to be my favourite time of year but not now. My brother had a mental breakdown on xmas day and went berserk at everyone before grabbing me (nearest person unfortunately) locking me in a bathroom screaming absolute madness and then attempting to strangle me, with my daughter outside crying Mummy the whole time. I did get out safe and no one was harmed thankfully but I left soon after and diid not return until NY. He did seek some kind of help afterwards, but I've never had an explanation or apology and to this day my mother blames me for somehow 'provoking' him - she now takes any opportunity to guilt trip me with this incident and when things don't go her way, she somehow makes it all about her...it's a sodding nightmare. If I'm honest, I enjoyed lockdown as it meant I got to have xmas my way, quiet and peaceful and lovely, before back to work.

You left your own home from Christmas Day to New Year's Day, why? Surely your brother should've left? Do you have a DH, did he go with you or stay put?

Are you in England because I don’t understand why you would have to show Covid passes to get in for a meal at a hotel.

I have eaten out regularly, last week in a hotel restaurant and there wasn’t any restrictions

Also if you are ill have you done even a LFT . You know being vaccinated doesn’t stop you from getting Covid. It just makes you less likely to be really ill with it.

If I'm honest, I enjoyed lockdown as it meant I got to have xmas my way, quiet and peaceful and lovely, before back to work

Then, that's what you do! It doesn't matter it isn't illegal to meet up this year, it's okay to spend Christmas the way you want!

Personally I wouldn't go, for the simple reason that your parents and your brother all sound like twats.

You over acting. Just go to the meal and enjoy seeing your family. Your dd been exposed at school more in the run up

Do you actually like these people, and really want to spend time with them? If so, go for the meal. You may be safer in a public place with your DB. If you only agreed to it out of a sense of loyalty you may want to reconsider. Covid seems to be the least of your problems. You may be a single parent, but do you have friends? Could you make your own "family" for future occasions? These don't sound like people I would spend time with, nor would I want my DD witnessing such behaviour. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Bloody hell that’s one of the biggest drop feeds I’ve ever seen. No wonder you have all kinds of anxiety around going to the meal. I think in your position as long as your daughter isn’t too traumatised in regards to seeing your brother, I would go to the meal but seek therapy in the new year and put some firm boundaries in place. Your mother sounds awful.

These people sound awful and abusive, OP.

Don’t spend Christmas with them

I would ignore the voting in light of your update, OP.

I think people just voted on the basis that you could go out to dinner as your brother won’t be there.

But your brother could kill you next time, avoid him and your parents at all costs

I wouldn’t go on the basis they’re twats. Even from your OP I detected that they were twats, the drip feed just confirms it.

Why would you want to go out and have lunch with these people. The antivaxx stance is a red herring, although FWIW I have no time for the antivaxx brigade and would have no issue in telling them what I thought.

But I’d just tell them I wasn’t going given the last Christmas you all had, and then when they laid on the guilt I would tell them that you wouldn’t ruin any more Christmases and would go NC.

What?! I don’t get the problem. Go for dinner.

You laminated your covid vaccine cards???

What's really weird is that op has posted before about how she decided christmas day was the day to let rip at her MIL and her uncle (who was having a break down) dragged her into a bathroom and shouted at her. Whilst holding her against the wall.

This was at a relatives house. Which she fled and never went back to.

So either op is talikg a load of bollocks and op doesn't have anything better to do over Christmas than make up fake situations or Op has a history of relatives who have mental breakdowns at Christmas and drag her into bathrooms and her having to flee. Or she has just changed the story and said its her brother so the whole covid thing seems reasonable.

Seems they aren't the only toxic ones in the ops family.

OMG OP, please don't spend Christmas with any of these awful people. In fact, please cut them off completely for your safety and the safety of your DD.

Your DB should have been arrested and sectioned last year. Your family should have done this. I'm just amazed they have brushed this under the carpet. He tried to kill you!

Please stay at home and have a peaceful Christmas with your DD and every Christmas from now on. Doesn't matter what food you have in your DD will not mind. Having her mummy safe is more important.

I hope you have a restful Christmas and the new year is better than the last.

@Doesntfeellikexmas

What's really weird is that op has posted before about how she decided christmas day was the day to let rip at her MIL and her uncle (who was having a break down) dragged her into a bathroom and shouted at her. Whilst holding her against the wall.

This was at a relatives house. Which she fled and never went back to.

So either op is talikg a load of bollocks and op doesn't have anything better to do over Christmas than make up fake situations or Op has a history of relatives who have mental breakdowns at Christmas and drag her into bathrooms and her having to flee. Or she has just changed the story and said its her brother so the whole covid thing seems reasonable.

Seems they aren't the only toxic ones in the ops family.

Hmm, maybe OP changed the details in that post so as not to be outing? It wasn’t her thread, she posted on the worst Christmases thread:

“My MIL is a real passive aggressive - was making constant comments etc directed at me, my life etc all day - it got to the evening and I just couldn’t control myself a minute longer so bluntly told her what I thought of her, as well as not to speak to me like that etc. The uncle (who had been sitting rocking in a dark corner watching everybody) suddenly jumped up, ran across the room, grabbed me, pulled me into a bathroom and locked the door with us both in there. He screamed abuse in my face & ranted gobbly gook while holding me against the wall & refusing to let me out. He hadn’t washed in days so just stank on top of it, was a major chain smoker etc. Now bare in mind this is a 6 foot adult and I’m about 5”4. Not a single person answered my ‘calm’ calls for help but eventually after10 or so minutes he seemed to mellow and I made a break for it. I got in my car and left right after that in spite of if being at night - without even saying bye - haven’t been back! Was pretty terrifying!”

I didn't say it was her thread?

Why would the op add she fled her own property for 7 days here, when she made a point of saying she never went back on the other.

Its convenient that it's now a different relative. And the relative it now is, means that people are now agreeing with her. After she was being told she was bu.

The point is there's a lot more to it. Or maybe less.

Seems like a huge drama over not very much, to me.
I hope you manage to have a nice Christmas regardless.

And the relative it now is, means that people are now agreeing with her. After she was being told she was bu.

Told she was being unreasonable about that previous post??
Seems unlikely.
It's very possible that she changed the details the first time - and it was 2 years ago.
She's not claiming that it just happened.