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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Mother In Law from hell

129 replies

Mama8474749 · 24/12/2021 19:25

AIBU?
Last week, my mother in law spoke to me and told me social services will be in touch as my child is malnourished (all coz she wouldn’t eat the food that she’d given her). I took it on the chin despite being extremely upset, she’s not malnourished, in fact she’s a couple of pounds over and eats well some days, and some days less so (find me a kid who doesn’t)

I’ve now just had word that unless we take lateral flow tests in the car outside (she wants to watch through the window of said car so she knows we’ve done it) and she won’t let us in to her house tomorrow.

I’ve been super careful with Covid and my hubby tested positive after seeing her when she’d had a close contact trace from a flight so feel it’s a bit pot and kettle.

AIBU in telling her to take a long walk?

OP posts:
SpaceshiptoMars · 24/12/2021 20:23

Practically speaking, you need a flat surface to leave the LFTs on to 'cure'. Also, they need to be done at room temperature. Neither of which necessarily apply in a car.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 24/12/2021 20:25

Make a show of testing in the car.
Then lie and say they're all positive; what a shame.
Go home and enjoy Christmas without her.

blissfulllife · 24/12/2021 20:26

@Prescottdanni123

I would do the lateral flow test in the car as required, wind the window down, shout "Oh fuck, it's positive," and then drive off.
This!
DeliriaSkibbly · 24/12/2021 20:26

I have no idea why you would go to this woman's house.

She telephoned Social Services and reported you.
She doesn't trust you - hence wanting to watch through the window as you do the test.

As others have said, you say you want to 'keep the peace' but where, really, are you going to draw the line in the sand as to what is acceptable.

Make it clear to your husband that neither you, nor the children, are going to see this woman again until, and unless, there is a sea change in attitude coupled with a fulsome apology (hint: apologies do not contain the word 'but').

Your husband should be supporting you through all of this. Time for him to grow a backbone.

itsgettingwierd · 24/12/2021 20:28

@TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes

If this thread is real, what is it with threads atm? Is there a shortage of backbones this year?

Why ON EARTH are you allowing yourself to be treated like this? Seriously - GET A BACK BONE ND TELL HER TO SHOVE IT
Understandable to do a LFT, but she has to see you do it through the car window?

You are ridiculous if you allow a woman who has threatened to call SS on you, to dictate this, like you are a child

Agree with this.

It seems so many are taking advantage of the fact Christmas was cancelled last year to make massive demands on this year and using the "bit we haven't celebrated with you for 2 years" as a guilt trip.

My mums having chemo so we always test before seeing her. Dc and I tested this evening. Rang mum to say negative (phew) and did she want us to test again in morning? (No!)

She would never ask us for proof - she trusts us.

I'd just be telling her that straight. "You clearly don't trust us so why would you even want to second Xmas with us?"

CallMeRachel · 24/12/2021 20:28

She’s a control freak!!! Runnnnnnn and keep your child well away from her clutches now while you can.
Asking visitors to do a test is fine, sensible but actually. Demanding they do it outside in their car so she can supervise is a step too far.

NameChangeCity123 · 24/12/2021 20:30

@bunhead34

Why do you want to go to someone's house who phoned social services on you?

Tell her to get fucked

This x1000000
VexedofVirginiaWater · 24/12/2021 20:32

So she wants you to drive to her house, test in front of her and if it's positive you just have to drive back and you've wasted how long of your Christmas Day? Why did your OH even countenance this. "Sorry mother, either I test at home and depending on the result I come over, or I don't come over at all." In fact as pp have said "Sorry mother but I won't spend time with the person who maliciously reported me to SS - what else did you expect?"

ShellieEllie · 24/12/2021 20:34

I just wouldn't bother entertaining her crap. I'd rather stay at home and have cereal or a boiled egg for Christmas dinner than deal with that nonsense. She'll be really miffed (I could use a much stronger word!) if you don't go. Throw it back at her and say you'll save her the stress of you visiting by not going.

Lindy2 · 24/12/2021 20:35

I'd have no problem with doing a lateral flow although I would state that these will be done at home and don't require supervision.

The comment re social services though I would not forgive, which would mean the lateral flow issue wouldn't come up as I would not be visiting.

starfishofbethlehem · 24/12/2021 20:36

I'd rather stay at home and eat dry bread than visit someone who is basically accusing me of lying about test results

Dita73 · 24/12/2021 20:40

Can’t believe you’d even consider going to see the old cow in the first place. Sod that. Stay at home

Mumof3confused · 24/12/2021 20:42

Where is your husband in all this? I wouldn’t dance to her tune, the crazy requests will never end. Most likely if will keep getting worse unless you put your foot down.

smartiecake · 24/12/2021 20:43

Is she doing her LFT on the doorstep so you can see her do it?
I would not be doing the LFT'S in the car. She could totally get to feck on that one!
Just say no! You are adults capable of doing them at home and she has to trust you.

DingDongDenny · 24/12/2021 20:43

I would never see her again after she pulled than stunt with contacting or threatening to contact SS - what a witch

Gilly12345 · 24/12/2021 20:44

Have a nice day tomorrow in your own home, I wouldn’t make any plans to see her for a very long time.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 24/12/2021 20:45

OP she doesn;t deserve you or your children, Raise the bar and keep your self respect, Protect you and the kids from her wickedness, You deserve far more than this shite,,who the hell does she think she is?

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/12/2021 20:46

"I’ve now just had word that unless we take lateral flow tests in the car outside (she wants to watch through the window of said car so she knows we’ve done it) and she won’t let us in to her house tomorrow."

This tells me that it is not about fear of you passing covid to her, it is control. She wants to be able to tell you what to do, and you do it. That's why you doing the test at home isn't good enough for her. She wants you to feel as if she sees you as a liar (she doesn't) so that she can use it to manipulate you later. She wants you to feel humiliation every time you deal with her.

I'd either tell her you're doing the test in the house and that's all there is to it, or - I'd most likely tell her you won't be seeing her at all ever again.

Fredstheteds · 24/12/2021 20:47

Why would you want to engage with her?

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 24/12/2021 20:47

Dont go. Ever again.

Minster2012 · 24/12/2021 20:49

Well she sounds like a joy...Totally with the saying no brigade "enjoy your day MIL" add to it if you want "I've logged out negative LFTs from today on the nhs website"

Booklover3 · 24/12/2021 20:50

No I wouldn’t be doing that.

Gretaburley · 24/12/2021 20:51

I’m in my 60’s now and I regret putting up with this behaviour from both my dm and mil.
My advice is to decide what makes you, your dh and dc happy and do that.

NowEvenBetter · 24/12/2021 20:59

You’re going to go ‘for the kids’? Don’t blame it on them, own your feebleness, your husband should have put an end to this shit, where is he in this farce?

dropthevipers · 24/12/2021 20:59

Presumably she has not suddenly gone bonkers, in which case stunts like this are par for the course? Shove it, and her-do you need this crap?