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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To use disabled toilet?

94 replies

Cheersto2022 · 24/12/2021 08:08

DD 5 still in nappies, can't use the baby changing tables due to weight and size and not everywhere has them. Changed in the disabled toilet the other day and got told off and to take her into a normal cubicle with me instead of using the disabled toilet inappropriately. It wasn't a combined baby change/disabled facility.

AIBU to use the disabled toilet? The encounter really upset me and now I'm anxious about going out incase DD needs changing :(

OP posts:

Bagelsandbrie · 24/12/2021 08:09

Your dd has additional needs. You are perfectly fine to use the disabled toilet. People just often don’t understand hidden disabilities.

(I say that as someone who is disabled myself on the highest rates of PIP long term and who also has a disabled child…)!

SlowBoiledFrog · 24/12/2021 08:10

Agree, your dd has additional needs, there isn't the space to change a 5 year old in a normal cubicle.

Totalwasteofpaper · 24/12/2021 08:11

Use the disabled toilet and tell whoever it is giving you grief to mind their own business. They don't know you or what disabilities you / your child have

PinkPlantCase · 24/12/2021 08:12

Who told you you can’t use it?

Carry on using it OP it sounds like you have a very legitimate reason.

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 24/12/2021 08:12

As above - you are fine to use the disabled toilet for your child.

I get glares now that I walk our 12yo son into the disabled toilet (because I need him to lay down so that I can change his pad). If he's behaving, you'd presume he was simply a quiet child - his ASD and SLD are not visible.

Porcupineintherough · 24/12/2021 08:13

Your dd isnt a baby she has additional needs. Totally appropriate for you to use the disabled toilet.

Goldentimes · 24/12/2021 08:14

If you were using disabled toilets for baby changing or even for a toddler I would say yabu. But I take it there is some ongoing issue your daughter is 5 and in nappies so in that case I would class her as having a disability or additional needs and fully entitled to have the use of the disabled toilet

NoMoreSkipsSmell · 24/12/2021 08:14

I hate this OP! I used to have an ileostomy and looked well, but couldn’t change my bag in the regular cubicle. I just used to not and smile or if someone was particularly rude, I’d show them my bag

amusedbush · 24/12/2021 08:15

I understand why you would be shaken by that - I would be too, and I have hidden disabilities. However, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

It is an accessible toilet for people with additional needs, which your DD has. That rude, uninformed person can fuck off, frankly.

Suzi888 · 24/12/2021 08:15

I thought that was why there was a changing table in there? I always used them was I not meant to?

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 24/12/2021 08:15

Isnt it that disabled toilets have facilities for the disabled but aren't exclusively for their use or something like that

Who told you off and did you explain that your daughter has a hidden disability?

Sirzy · 24/12/2021 08:17

I assume as she is 5 she has additional needs anyway.

But either way due to her needs now it’s the only toilet she can access so your right to use it. Your not just nipping in for convenience or because you don’t want to queue. She needs the facilties it offers.

Goldentimes · 24/12/2021 08:18

@Suzi888

I thought that was why there was a changing table in there? I always used them

was I not meant to?

You shouldn't be using them just for baby changing no. They are there for people who cannot use regular cubicles due to disability

Sprogonthetyne · 24/12/2021 08:21

Your daughter is entitled to use the space, she has an additional need that cannot be met in the normal facilities, that's what disabled toilets are for.

They wouldn't expect an incontinent adult to manage in regular toilets, or even a teen/older child. Total unfair of them to dismiss a disabled, just because of the persons age.

Clarice99 · 24/12/2021 08:22

People who 'police' toilets for disabled really annoy me.

Not all disabilities are visible and no-one has the right to make a judgement under any circumstances.

I have 'hidden disabilities' and carry a card to say I need the toilet urgently, but I just use a 'what the fuck has it got to do with you?' when challenged as my card is only pulled out, if necessary, in stores that don't have public toilets.

You were absolutely right to use the disabled toilet. Please don't let this incident put you off and work on a sharp retort for future comments because it's likely this recent one won't be the last as some people just can't resist having a dig.

Suzi888 · 24/12/2021 08:26

@Goldentimes some are joint baby /disabled aren’t they? Small changing tables you pull down from the wall only big enough for a baby… I’m sure they are I honestly never knew this! I remain no one ever said anything to me, maybe I was lucky enough that no one was ever waiting…

Bagelsandbrie · 24/12/2021 08:27

@Suzi888

I thought that was why there was a changing table in there? I always used them

was I not meant to?

Some disabled toilets are a joint baby change / disabled toilet - it really depends on the sign on the door and where you go. If there are separate baby change facilities you should alway use those where possible and leave the disabled toilet for those who are disabled / need the changing table for disabled children and their carers to use.

BlusteryLake · 24/12/2021 08:27

You have every right to use the disabled facilities for your daughter. I honestly don't understand what these people hope to gain from challenging people they know nothing about, when there isn't even a problem in the first place (ie I assume there wasn't a massive queue of other people needing the facility more than you?).

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 24/12/2021 08:30

You were totally in the right using the disabled toilets to change your daughter.

Just tell the busy bodies to mind their own business.

I have IBS and have used the disabled on occasions where I cannot wait or might need to sort myself out. I use regular toilets outside of flare ups. I just ignore the dirty looks, its none of their business.

If if helps you can buy radar keys, I got mine off amazon, stops alot of stress when I'm out now I know I can always access a toilet!

greenlynx · 24/12/2021 08:30

We call it a disabled toilet and it’s got a picture of a person in a wheelchair but in reality it should be accessible toilet for people who can’t use ordinary toilet. You can’t use ordinary baby changing facilities due to weight so you use accessible toilet, nothing wrong with it imo. My DD has disability but she can sometimes manage using ordinary toilet sometimes not. I wouldn’t begrudge you using accessible toilet, people have different additional needs.

Original poster

Cheersto2022 · 24/12/2021 08:36

Yes, DD has additional needs/disabled.

An older lady challenged us, she wasn't waiting for the loo either.

Thank you for the reassurance, just a bit fed up of doubting myself as we have been questioned re her blue badge recently too. I'm hoping the bystander comments back off once she's a bit older.

OP posts:

Sleepyblueocean · 24/12/2021 08:37

I once had someone loudly tut and pull a face when I was escorting him out of the disabled toilet when he was about 12. The fact that he was walking out with his mum holding onto him should have given them a clue but no, some people have no understanding. Ignore them.

GoodnightGrandma · 24/12/2021 08:37

@Totalwasteofpaper

Use the disabled toilet and tell whoever it is giving you grief to mind their own business. They don't know you or what disabilities you / your child have

This

clpsmum · 24/12/2021 08:38

@Cheersto2022

AIBU to use the disabled toilet? The encounter really upset me and now I'm anxious about going out incase DD needs changing :(

I have a disabled son. Disabled toilets are not exclusively for disabled people they are accessible for disabled people but can be used by all. It's only disabled parking that is exclusively for disabled people

N0tfinished · 24/12/2021 08:41

I use them with my 14 year old. He's toilet trained but needs supervision- I couldn't send him in to the mens alone, he could abscond or get into other trouble. He also needs help with wiping and hand washing. We are perfectly entitled to use them, and so are you.

I would use them myself too if he were with me. He can't be left unsupervised at all.

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