To use disabled toilet?

[Cheersto2022]

DD 5 still in nappies, can't use the baby changing tables due to weight and size and not everywhere has them. Changed in the disabled toilet the other day and got told off and to take her into a normal cubicle with me instead of using the disabled toilet inappropriately. It wasn't a combined baby change/disabled facility.

AIBU to use the disabled toilet? The encounter really upset me and now I'm anxious about going out incase DD needs changing :(

@Suzi888

I thought that was why there was a changing table in there? I always used them was I not meant to?

Of course you use the accessible toilet to change your baby. That’s why there is a changing table in there

@Goldentimes of course you can use them to change a nappy if there is a changing table and it's a designated changing area or in the op's position or disabled. It's a shared space

You're right, she's not.

I need to use them for DC6 but as we're usually out with younger DC we all have to go in. Luckily there are lots of signs now about hidden disabilities but there's still always one who has to mutter.

@Sleepyblueocean

I once had someone loudly tut and pull a face when I was escorting him out of the disabled toilet when he was about 12. The fact that he was walking out with his mum holding onto him should have given them a clue but no, some people have no understanding. Ignore them.

Or tell them to fuck off. It might stop them interfering again.

I have Crohns so am allowed a radar key and it's all about speed of access to a loo, and the ability to clean myself properly if needed. I look perfectly able-bodied and should not have to explain my dodgy bowel-workings to some entitled stranger.

I think the signage should be enhanced to say disabled and additional needs or something.

Sorry OP that you got moaned at carry on using the loo you need for DD. And happy Christmas!

Of course your ok to use it

It never even crossed my mind when my DS was younger and I needed to change him. If the disabled/ assistance toilet is available - we’re going to use it.

@Cheersto2022

Yes, DD has additional needs/disabled.

An older lady challenged us, she wasn't waiting for the loo either.

Thank you for the reassurance, just a bit fed up of doubting myself as we have been questioned re her blue badge recently too. I'm hoping the bystander comments back off once she's a bit older.

Who made her the disabled toilet police?! Ignore them OP. Don't even give them headspace.

@Suzi888

I thought that was why there was a changing table in there? I always used them was I not meant to?

Of course you are. Whether they should be in those toilets is another debate, but thats where they are, so you don't have a choice but to use them!

Of course you are perfectly correct to use the disabled toilet. Your DD has additional needs that cannot be met in a small cubicle.

If there is a next time then just tell the cheeky fuckers trying to police you that they are not entitled to her private medical history.

I think they should be named accessible toilets. Not every disability is visible, I think people should keep their bloody gobs closed. If someone tuts at me they get an earful back.

Your use was reasonable.

I'm sorry you were made to feel you did wrong, OP. You did nothing wrong in using those toilets.

They're accessible toilets, for use by people who can't use the main ones. That includes a whole list of people, not just those with an immediately obvious disability. You're well within your rights to change your daughter's nappy in there, regular loo cubicles don't have room to swing a bloody cat in.

Part of the reason people do get tutted at is because so many do use them when they do need to which makes things so much harder for those who do have invisible disabilities.

The whole “accessible means they are for anyone” is the wrong message. It makes people think they can use it when they don’t need it. They are designed so people who have disabilities (hidden or not) which mean they can’t access the regular toilets can use them.

They are still tne only toilet in most places that people with disabilities can access so basic manners say don’t use them unless you have no other option. They aren’t a family toilet. They aren’t an “I have lots of shopping bags” toilet.

Places who put any thought into their design shouldn’t have the only baby change in them. That can cause major issues for people who need them due to their disability because places don’t put extra in to plan for the extra footfall they just make it harder to access.

And sadly the disabled toilets in most places are still inaccessible to many with disabilities hence rne changing places campaign

If the facilities are for those who need them fit accessibility, and you can’t use the baby changing elsewhere as you’ve said (you clearly explained why), of course they are for you. That’s the whole point!

I don’t think some people have read your post properly OP - it’s not that the only baby change was in there, but you can’t use the ordinary ones.

@Leftbutcameback

I don’t think some people have read your post properly OP - it’s not that the only baby change was in there, but you can’t use the ordinary ones.

I don’t think anyone has said she was wrong to use the accessible facilties given her child is disabled have they?

It's perfectly acceptable to use it. Your child has additional needs. Also I don't believe there is any law against anyone using a disabled toilet should they need to. Be they disabled or not. If that I the only toilet available

Deviating from OP's main issue a little, my understanding is that anyone without a disability or additional need can use a toilet for "the disabled" as long as there are no people with disabilities waiting to use it.
I was told this whilst on a training course to do with the Disability Discrimination Act.
It can be helpful when there is a queue for the womens' loos and the "disabled" toilet is vacant.

@Cheersto2022

Yes, DD has additional needs/disabled.

An older lady challenged us, she wasn't waiting for the loo either.

Thank you for the reassurance, just a bit fed up of doubting myself as we have been questioned re her blue badge recently too. I'm hoping the bystander comments back off once she's a bit older.

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and depending on ho you feel either completely blank the offending person or reply my daughter is disabled and leave. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

In a decent society we only use disabled facilities if we need to (you do!) and we don’t question other people’s use of them!

@Sirzy

Part of the reason people do get tutted at is because so many do use them when they do need to which makes things so much harder for those who do have invisible disabilities.

The whole “accessible means they are for anyone” is the wrong message. It makes people think they can use it when they don’t need it. They are designed so people who have disabilities (hidden or not) which mean they can’t access the regular toilets can use them.

They are still tne only toilet in most places that people with disabilities can access so basic manners say don’t use them unless you have no other option. They aren’t a family toilet. They aren’t an “I have lots of shopping bags” toilet.

Places who put any thought into their design shouldn’t have the only baby change in them. That can cause major issues for people who need them due to their disability because places don’t put extra in to plan for the extra footfall they just make it harder to access.

And sadly the disabled toilets in most places are still inaccessible to many with disabilities hence rne changing places campaign

Here’s the problem though- how do you know lots of people use them for no reason. I was disabled for three years although thankfully an operation improved it sufficiently that I didn’t need to use disabled toilets anymore. During that time I had a baby and a toddler. There is a weird assumption by some people that you can’t be a parent and disabled. I wasn’t likely to discuss my horrendous birth injuries (including broken bones) with a stranger. But I absolutely needed to use disabled toilets.

You don’t know which is why you should never comment to any individual.

But as a society we need to make individuals aware of the impact their “just nipping in” can have on others.

It isn’t a convenient option for anyone and people taking that view make it so much harder for those like OP who need it.

Disabled toilet facilities are awful as it is without people making it worse to save themselves a few minutes in a queue or having to walk upstairs.

@LindyLou2020

Deviating from OP's main issue a little, my understanding is that anyone without a disability or additional need can use a toilet for "the disabled" as long as there are no people with disabilities waiting to use it. I was told this whilst on a training course to do with the Disability Discrimination Act. It can be helpful when there is a queue for the womens' loos and the "disabled" toilet is vacant.

But if you can wait for the normal toilet and don’t specifically need to use the disabled toilet why would you do this? Whilst you’re in there someone who genuinely needs the disabled toilet might be forced to wait for you to finish when otherwise they might not have needed to, even more so if everyone used it.

Hi OP - YANBU

My imagined strategy for dealing with rudeness or judginess from any strangers is to pause and smile brightly, make eye contact and say hello and perhaps how are you? - in a loud chirpy tone. Perhaps ask ‘do I know you?’ (the first part of this strategy worked for me recently when someone ranted at me as I drove into a car park)

It’s likely they will start to look puzzled at your slightly exuberant greetings.

I’d respond to any comments/queries from them such as whether you should be using a particular facility, with a suggestion that they first share their medical information with you. They are likely to decline in which case you can politely propose that if they won’t tell you their private information why on earth do they expect you to share yours? Then move away with a cheery wave! Makes them look a right silly billy

With the obvious exception of conditions that encourage urgent need for the loo, why shouldn’t people with disabilities wait for the loo? If there’s a queue out of the door for the ladies, as there often is, it’s allowed to use a disabled toilet, so it makes sense that people do so. Someone comes and has to wait five mins for it. So what?

And before someone says ‘what about the person with an urgent need’ - that issue would be the same whoever was using the toilet.

@7eleven

With the obvious exception of conditions that encourage urgent need for the loo, why shouldn’t people with disabilities wait for the loo? If there’s a queue out of the door for the ladies, as there often is, it’s allowed to use a disabled toilet, so it makes sense that people do so. Someone comes and has to wait five mins for it. So what?

Because why should someone who has an urgent need have to announce this (to skip a queue) because there’s more of a queue for the disabled toilets because non disabled people decide to use it? If there’s a queue of genuinely disabled people waiting to use the disabled toilet then that’s life isn’t it, my disabled son could wait no issue, but I have an urgent need disability, I can’t wait and I’d be really annoyed if someone who could otherwise wait for the normal toilet had essentially made me soil myself by choosing to use the disabled toilet when they didn’t need to. If people can use the normal toilet then they should do so. It’s that simple.