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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To use disabled toilet?

94 replies

Cheersto2022 · 24/12/2021 08:08

DD 5 still in nappies, can't use the baby changing tables due to weight and size and not everywhere has them. Changed in the disabled toilet the other day and got told off and to take her into a normal cubicle with me instead of using the disabled toilet inappropriately. It wasn't a combined baby change/disabled facility.

AIBU to use the disabled toilet? The encounter really upset me and now I'm anxious about going out incase DD needs changing :(

OP posts:

Sleepyblueocean · 24/12/2021 12:38

Your thoughts seem to be that are disabled people and their carers being able to use the only facilities they can use are less important than nice normals not being inconvenienced. Its one thing using the disabled toilet if you are desperate but just not wanting to wait - thats plain selfishness.

AliveAndSleeping · 24/12/2021 12:40

Yes, of course, you have a good reason to use the disabled toilet. Uggh..am so annoyed in your behalf. I'm sorry someone gave you grief

MorningStarling · 24/12/2021 12:42

YANBU - anyone is allowed to use any toilet they choose.

They're not "disabled" toilets by the way, they are "accessible" toilets. This difference is key, it means they can be used by anyone who has additional needs that mean they can't use the normal toilet. They're not "disabled" because someone might consider themselves "disabled" but still have additional needs (either permanently or temporarily).

WitchSharkadder · 24/12/2021 12:53

YANBU in the slightest. My son has a 'hidden' disability and we've been challenged over using the disabled toilets many times but I've developed a thick skin now so just tell people where to go. He's 19 now but still needs help with toileting. I can't take a 19 yr old in the womens with me and obviously I can't go in the mens. He became far too big for the baby changing from age 4ish so it's been disabled since then. Anyone bothered isn't worth your time for energy.

Offmyfence · 24/12/2021 12:53

Ignore people like that, in fact tell them to mind their own bloody business and shame on them for judging your child!

Samcro · 24/12/2021 13:08

@Sirzy

I assume as she is 5 she has additional needs anyway.

But either way due to her needs now it’s the only toilet she can access so your right to use it. Your not just nipping in for convenience or because you don’t want to queue. She needs the facilties it offers.

this

onlyjustme · 24/12/2021 13:58

YABU for calling it a "disabled" toilet.
It is an accessible toilet. Necessary for some. Useful for all! [But should be used by those that need it... which you clearly do!]

Welshmaenad · 24/12/2021 14:19

I'm disabled and get really arsey about people using the disabled loo when there's no need, but this is a need and wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Innocenta · 24/12/2021 14:22

@Sirzy

Part of the reason people do get tutted at is because so many do use them when they do need to which makes things so much harder for those who do have invisible disabilities.

The whole “accessible means they are for anyone” is the wrong message. It makes people think they can use it when they don’t need it. They are designed so people who have disabilities (hidden or not) which mean they can’t access the regular toilets can use them.

They are still tne only toilet in most places that people with disabilities can access so basic manners say don’t use them unless you have no other option. They aren’t a family toilet. They aren’t an “I have lots of shopping bags” toilet.

Places who put any thought into their design shouldn’t have the only baby change in them. That can cause major issues for people who need them due to their disability because places don’t put extra in to plan for the extra footfall they just make it harder to access.

And sadly the disabled toilets in most places are still inaccessible to many with disabilities hence rne changing places campaign

This is well put. You’re right: they’re not just there for everyone. Disabled toilets were hard fought for, and they exist because of disabled people. I agree with the general view on the thread that OP absolutely had/has the right to use them with her DD, given DD’s needs, but the discussion has unfortunately - as so often happens - once again wandered into minimising how important reserved and adapted facilities are for people who absolutely cannot access the “normal” ones. Disabled people must not be decentred in discussions about facilities that literally would not exist at all without our activism.

Offmyfence · 24/12/2021 14:33

@Welshmaenad

I'm disabled and get really arsey about people using the disabled loo when there's no need, but this is a need and wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

How do you know the difference?

amusedbush · 24/12/2021 16:16

@Welshmaenad

I'm disabled and get really arsey about people using the disabled loo when there's no need, but this is a need and wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Plenty of people (including me) have invisible disabilities - how can you tell at a glance if someone is entitled to use an accessible toilet?

Samcro · 24/12/2021 16:23

For the majority of people waiting isn’t an issue, whatever toilet they need?

that old chestnut.
some people like mine if they have to wait, will end up having a massive accident. that means a drenched seating system.
why do people who don't need to, think it ok to make disabled people wait.
(not op who has a child with sn)

Innocenta · 24/12/2021 16:31

@onepieceoflollipop

Hi OP - YANBU

My imagined strategy for dealing with rudeness or judginess from any strangers is to pause and smile brightly, make eye contact and say hello and perhaps how are you? - in a loud chirpy tone. Perhaps ask ‘do I know you?’ (the first part of this strategy worked for me recently when someone ranted at me as I drove into a car park)

It’s likely they will start to look puzzled at your slightly exuberant greetings.

I’d respond to any comments/queries from them such as whether you should be using a particular facility, with a suggestion that they first share their medical information with you. They are likely to decline in which case you can politely propose that if they won’t tell you their private information why on earth do they expect you to share yours? Then move away with a cheery wave! Makes them look a right silly billy

If someone tried this response on me, I'd share my medical information in full. Not quite the reaction you'd be hoping for!

But I'm a wheelchair user so mostly people just come out of the loo and apologise to me. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume they may have an invisible disability - but of course, not universally true.

bippityboppity87 · 24/12/2021 16:35

I always thought they were called "accessible toilets" So anyone who needs easy access, not necessarily because someone is disabled. They are called that in my work park anyway

You had every right to use them as you needed the extra space with your DC to change comfortably and safely. They were being totally unreasonable and rude

LindyLou2020 · 24/12/2021 18:00

@Bagelsandbrie

I was referring to the fact that legally, anyone can use accessible toilets.
I've never actually used one.
But I was informed that, if you're a girl or woman desperate for the loo, and there is a queue for the "ladies" and you can't wait otherwise you'd wee or poo yourself, then it is ok to use the accessible loo providing nobody with a disability is either using it, or waiting to use it.
Presumably the same would apply to men, but I've never seen a queue for the "gents" loos.
Hope that helps.

Nat6999 · 24/12/2021 18:03

I got moaned at for using a disabled toilet in a supermarket, I had wet myself, had to buy leggings & incontinence pants so I could change. The man wouldn't accept my word I was disabled so I stuck the carrier bag with my pee soaked jeans & underwear under his nose, he soon shut up.

JADS · 24/12/2021 18:21

Yanbu.

People are dicks. I got into an argument with a woman who told me I couldn't use a disabled space outside someone's house. I put her straight as I was having to take my blue badge entitled son to pick up my other child. The school run under those conditions is stressful enough without some tutting bitch. Thankfully he normally doesn't need to come with me.

Offmyfence · 24/12/2021 18:28

@Nat6999

You should never in a million years, had to have done that, but bloody well done!

Hope478 · 24/12/2021 19:33

@Cheersto2022

Yes, DD has additional needs/disabled.

An older lady challenged us, she wasn't waiting for the loo either.

Thank you for the reassurance, just a bit fed up of doubting myself as we have been questioned re her blue badge recently too. I'm hoping the bystander comments back off once she's a bit older.

You point out she's a busybody and get on with your day :)

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