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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use disabled toilet?

94 replies

Cheersto2022 · 24/12/2021 08:08

DD 5 still in nappies, can't use the baby changing tables due to weight and size and not everywhere has them. Changed in the disabled toilet the other day and got told off and to take her into a normal cubicle with me instead of using the disabled toilet inappropriately. It wasn't a combined baby change/disabled facility.

AIBU to use the disabled toilet? The encounter really upset me and now I'm anxious about going out incase DD needs changing :(

OP posts:
NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 24/12/2021 10:30

[quote Suzi888]@Goldentimes some are joint baby /disabled aren’t they? Small changing tables you pull down from the wall only big enough for a baby… I’m sure they areBlush I honestly never knew this! I remain Blush no one ever said anything to me, maybe I was lucky enough that no one was ever waiting…[/quote]
Some are both disabled & baby change, some are not. Given you no longer need them I'd stop worrying about it!

emuloc · 24/12/2021 10:33

@Cheersto2022

Yes, DD has additional needs/disabled.

An older lady challenged us, she wasn't waiting for the loo either.

Thank you for the reassurance, just a bit fed up of doubting myself as we have been questioned re her blue badge recently too. I'm hoping the bystander comments back off once she's a bit older.

Why on earth would you be doubting yourself? Your daughter either has a disability or she does not. You know that. Just ignore rude people, or you can explain why you are using the disabled toilet if you want to.
FionnulaTheCooler · 24/12/2021 10:35

I know its easier said than done OP but try to ignore the judgemental numpties and let the comments wash over you. My friend has a child with autism who is a few years older than yours and needs to use the disabled toilet as people using the hand dryers in the other toilets will often cause a meltdown. My friend has had comments so many times about her child not looking disabled, she's at a stage now where she just doesn't give a fuck any more, if they have a problem with it that's their problem to deal with not hers.

Sleepyblueocean · 24/12/2021 10:43

"With the obvious exception of conditions that encourage urgent need for the loo, why shouldn’t people with disabilities wait for the loo?"

Teenage ds shouldn't have to wait in his soiled pad because someone is in there who doesn't need to be. Besides it being uncomfortable and causing rashes, I don't like being punched and hit when he gets distressed about it.

NameChangeCity123 · 24/12/2021 10:51

Hope all these posts have given you some reassurance OP. You do you, so what your daughter needs you to do and never mind judgemental old women who have no right to comment

Curtainpoleloop · 24/12/2021 10:57

Toilets marked as Disabled are kitted out so they are easier to use if you have additional needs - that’s what makes them “disabled” - they are NOT for sole use by those with additional needs

WorraLiberty · 24/12/2021 11:03

You shouldn't be using them just for baby changing no.
They are there for people who cannot use regular cubicles due to disability

This isn't true at all.

If the accessible toilet is the only one with baby changing facilities, then yes of course you're meant to use it to change your baby's nappy.

SpellBounds · 24/12/2021 11:13

@Cheersto2022

Yes, DD has additional needs/disabled.

An older lady challenged us, she wasn't waiting for the loo either.

Thank you for the reassurance, just a bit fed up of doubting myself as we have been questioned re her blue badge recently too. I'm hoping the bystander comments back off once she's a bit older.

Eurrgh it's always entitled people like this who have the time to stand around commenting on things that don't even effect them. Get. A. Life. Next time give her abuse in reply!! "My child is disabled and this is a disabled toilet and none of this has anything to do with you!". So rude I can't bear people like that. Carry on as you are OP.
SpellBounds · 24/12/2021 11:14

@WorraLiberty

You shouldn't be using them just for baby changing no. They are there for people who cannot use regular cubicles due to disability

This isn't true at all.

If the accessible toilet is the only one with baby changing facilities, then yes of course you're meant to use it to change your baby's nappy.

Absolutely correct. The "disabled toilet" is often combined baby change and disabled- its very rare there are separate ones even though that would be better for everyone.
Twizbe · 24/12/2021 11:31

The whole point of the accessible toilet is that it's accessible.

That might mean you can use it for any access need not catered for in other toilets.

OP was fine to use it as her daughter had an access need. A parent with a baby in a pushchair can use it as they have an access need etc

7eleven · 24/12/2021 11:56

@Sleepyblueocean

"With the obvious exception of conditions that encourage urgent need for the loo, why shouldn’t people with disabilities wait for the loo?"

Teenage ds shouldn't have to wait in his soiled pad because someone is in there who doesn't need to be. Besides it being uncomfortable and causing rashes, I don't like being punched and hit when he gets distressed about it.

Of course, but he could be waiting if there was a person with a disability in there any way. For the record, I stand in the queue, but it is correct that the toilets are not exclusive.
Sirzy · 24/12/2021 12:00

The toilets should be exclusive,

In most places disabled people have ONE toilet they can access (which is often unsuitable anyway) yet people still try to argue that people should be able to use it simple to avoid having to queue.

At most it shows a massive level of ignorance to the daily struggles people with disabilities face.

Original poster
Cheersto2022 · 24/12/2021 12:05

Have to admit my eyes have been opened over the last 12-18 months on just how difficult it all is. Pretty grim when a person needs changing and the only option is on the floor in a fairly unclean toilet Sad

OP posts:
7eleven · 24/12/2021 12:12

@Sirzy

The toilets should be exclusive,

In most places disabled people have ONE toilet they can access (which is often unsuitable anyway) yet people still try to argue that people should be able to use it simple to avoid having to queue.

At most it shows a massive level of ignorance to the daily struggles people with disabilities face.

Having spent some time in a wheel chair with a broken leg, I was shocked at the services that weren’t available to me. Not important ones particularly, things like hairdressers etc but it was an eye opener.

From a time management point of view, I still think that 25 people in a queue for three loos, whilst an access loo stands empty is daft though. For the majority of people waiting isn’t an issue, whatever toilet they need?

Sirzy · 24/12/2021 12:16

I think you would be surprised what a high majority of people with a disability who need to use the accessible toilet will have some sort of urgency issue.

Then there is the other issue of the state of them anyway given the amount of people who end up needing to be changed on the floor we really shouldn’t be increasing footfall just so people don’t need to queue!

GeorgiePorge · 24/12/2021 12:17

I do find all this policing of 'disabled' toilets crazy. They are there for those that can't use the other toilets provided.

OP of course you are right to use it the regular toilets don't fit your need. When they have baby change facilities (and many do) then clearly they are also designed for baby change. Since having a baby I have had to use them a couple of times as only room big enough to get the pram in... my local m&s has a baby change without a toilet... so fine to change baby but no idea what I'm meant to do when I need the loo and shopping alone as no way in hell I would leave him outside the cubicle or with a stranger.

I think a lot of people need to find a bit more tolerance and understanding and failing that just mind their own business.

Fallible · 24/12/2021 12:21

I know exactly what you mean op. My daughter is the same age and is toilet trained but has ASD, she is petrified of hand dryers and public toilets in general and really needs a lot of calm and support to use them.

We have a radar key now so I take her into the disabled. If anyone said anything I'd probably tell them to fuck off.

Sleepyblueocean · 24/12/2021 12:22

"Of course, but he could be waiting if there was a person with a disability in there any way. For the record, I stand in the queue, but it is correct that the toilets are not exclusive."

Yes he could and that is unavoidable but if someone thinks it is fine for people to get distressed and hurt because selfish fuckers can't be arsed to queue, then there is something wrong with that person.

7eleven · 24/12/2021 12:29

I can assure you that I’m neither a selfish fucker, nor is there anything wrong with me. Perhaps I’m a bit more capable of rational thought.

KeepApart · 24/12/2021 12:29

I'm not sure I really understand

You say your DD is disabled in your second post, of course she is allowed to use the disabled toilet? She has additional needs

Anyone who specifically needs to use tbe facilities a disabled toilet provides over a normal toilet should use them, that is what they are for. You shouldn't need to justify to anyone why you are using them

Sirzy · 24/12/2021 12:31

@7eleven

I can assure you that I’m neither a selfish fucker, nor is there anything wrong with me. Perhaps I’m a bit more capable of rational thought.
But not capable of thinking of others it seems.

It’s not rational to think it’s ok to use accessible toilets because your too lazy to queue.

7eleven · 24/12/2021 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Sirzy · 24/12/2021 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

KeepApart · 24/12/2021 12:36

The problem is a lot of people needing to use an accessible toilet will have either urgency issues or mobility issues that make it difficult to queue. There are some disabilities that won't prevent waiting for the toilet of course, but as normally they only provide one accessible toilet it's better to keep it as accessible as possible for as many needs as possible, and part of this includes keeping it relatively free for those who cannot queue for the toilet

Waiting for one person to leave is quite different to a queue of say 30 people. Of course there's a chance the toilet is in use, but it's not quite the same as a massive queue.

7eleven · 24/12/2021 12:37

Well that would be ironic, because I’m actually disabled myself.