To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

@Sundancerintherain

In the case of the office I worked in it was because our female line manager was a misogynist psycho who enjoyed making other women cry .

Quite.

OP's refusal to show any empathy at all to workers who are so overwhelmed they are crying in public makes me think this is a toxic workplace.

I've worked in an office environment for 15+ years and haven't ever seen a woman cry while working. In fact the only person I knew to have cried at work is DH when he had bad personal news.

This seems like a misogynistic troll tbh, with deluded beliefs that women are collapsing and hysterical all over the place.

@Copasetic

In all honesty, I’m not known for my empathy!

You don't say

Crying doesn't make someone weak. In fact, it's very healthy to let your emotions out in a way that doesn't cause any harm to yourself or those around you.

I bet you don't have the same judgemental attitude towards men who shout, rant and rave when they're angry or frustrated.

Christ almighty. "I'm not known for my empathy" is an admittal that you are actually of low emotional intelligence. It's not something to boast about!

@ttcpatronisers

Oh ffs people I've just explained - theu are crying because they've made a mistake in their job for example - or they are causing a problem or - they're having marital problems.

It is NOT a company thing - can we just accept that?

No.

Because PP have also worked in multiple offices OP, & know from their own experience that workplace crying doesn't happen in them with the regularity that you describe.

So your company is either a bit shit, or has an odd recruitment policy.

I've seen 3 people cry at work ever. One because her husband was dying, another because her dad had died and ones horse had died. I don't hold being human against people. All these instances were one on one, sharing personal news with people I also consider friends, and over a number of years. Oh, I also cried when I was told my manager was being made redundant. Again in a private room.

Sounds like you work in a mad house.

Also I work in an office of 800 people, previously in an office of 200...so this was a tiny percentage. I've never seen someone randomly crying at their desk!

It’s because men are allowed to be angry. Women (and girls) are socially conditioned to cry when they are angry because shouting is less accepted if you’re female.

@TerraNovaTwo it’s not a boast. It’s a fact.

The only times I’ve ever cried at work were at my last workplace. It was the most toxic place I’ve ever worked and I literally dreaded going in everyday. In fact, I only lasted five months in the end which is so unlike me as I normally last at least 6 years. I kept getting accused of things I hadn’t done and they wouldn’t let it go, it was horrid. I found out afterwards they’d done it to someone else before me who also left.

I think that you could work in an organization where there is more crying than other places and it not be down to the management but because of other factors such as the demographics of the workforce and the type of work.

I’m not much of a crier but on the odd occasion I cry I’m not sure I have much choice about it. I don’t think less of other people who cry but I guess I’d find a big emotive cry at work a bit awkward and ‘unprofessional unless for a very good reason.
I’d find man sulks or anger just as bad though.
Sometimes showing a bit of emotion can be a good thing.

Yes I agree with posters men have anger issues, that's a separate thread - I wasn't posting about that.

Inadvertently, you were.

Because this isn't to do with workplaces.
It's to do with the fact that women cry more frequently than men.
That is down to social conditioning. "Boys don't cry" etc, so even when experiencing similar stressors & emotions, women & men express those feelings differently.

I have never worked anywhere where the majority of the female staff broke down in tears though. In fact I can only remember a couple of instances, in a 4 decade career, so it's certainly unusual.

You aren't going to get a sensible answer on here. But I agree where I see massively more women crying than men I think it is weaponisation of tears normally and an attempt to make people feel sorry for them. Even if the workplace is crap (which the op assures isn't) then the absence of men crying shows they are handling the situation better.

You sound very angry, OP. Maybe people cry because you react to their mistakes the way you’ve reacted on this thread.

Have a bit of Yule log and chill the fuck out.

Glad I don't work in the OP's office where so many people are unhappy and where the ones they aren't lack empathy.

@BigYellowHat

The only times I’ve ever cried at work were at my last workplace. It was the most toxic place I’ve ever worked and I literally dreaded going in everyday. In fact, I only lasted five months in the end which is so unlike me as I normally last at least 6 years. I kept getting accused of things I hadn’t done and they wouldn’t let it go, it was horrid. I found out afterwards they’d done it to someone else before me who also left.

@BigYellowHat you didn’t work at the same place as me did you 😂

I'm a manager who has a team of about 30. Crying isn't commonplace but it is normally women who do it. I've never actually found it a problem. It's nearly always an expression of frustration leading to feelings of being overwhelmed, which could just as easily be expressed as anger. I know what I'd prefer to face, both as a manager and a colleague. 9 times out of 10, all that's needed is to allow that person time to vent, then sit down with them to sort it out. All my staff are professionals who want solutions long term but are human and need some support from time to time. Not an issue.
I suspect that expression of emotions through crying (which is less likely to impact negatively on others compared to say shouting, swearing or slamming stuff around) is likely socialisation led, but I think I once read that female hormones play a role in managing of tear ducts so we may also have a biological element involved. Don't know much about that though.

@Mouseonmychair

You aren't going to get a sensible answer on here. But I agree where I see massively more women crying than men I think it is weaponisation of tears normally and an attempt to make people feel sorry for them. Even if the workplace is crap (which the op assures isn't) then the absence of men crying shows they are handling the situation better.

Or men show their frustration and anger in other ways, like shouting, ranting and raving instead.

I've never met a man who cried at work. I have, however, met my fair share of men who think shouting and belittling people is the right way to show how frustrated they are.

[quote Copasetic]@TerraNovaTwo it’s not a boast. It’s a fact.[/quote]
That's nice.

Some people are cryers, some aren't. I do think that tears are often manipulative but the sex difference is because boys and girls are socialised differently. Big boys don't cry and all that crap.

Why are "people" crying so much at your workplace?

In four years at mine, with a staff of 120, I know of three occasions when someone has cried. One was struggling with a marriage break up and probably shouldn't have been in work, one had a bereavement and the other was the subject of a malicious grievance.

I don't think people should hold their emotions in, though I do agree crying openly at work is unprofessional, because of the reaction it tends to provoke in others.

It also really depends on why they are crying.

I have cried twice at work across a 20 year career. The first was when I worked in the City about 15 years ago, and after a client spent 10 minutes screaming abuse down the phone to me, it was disgusting. I was so shocked I burst into tears immediately after putting the phone down. My lovely boss at the time made the client apologise, which he did, but left within 6 months of that incident - yay!

The second was earlier this year, soon after I'd had a miscarriage, left my EXDP, sold my house and missed out on securing a new big job. I had a day packed full of meetings, and my DD's nursery called saying she had a high temperature. Everything I was feeling wobbly about came out in one big emotion in a side office, though my bosses PA noticed and had a word, and I was allowed to (gratefully) go home and collect my DD from nursery.

I’m not sure the fact that women cry more is social conditioning. As I said earlier I almost never cry but there have been times when I’ve felt generally more tearful and it’s been 100% because of hormones not because of changes in my circumstances. It’s an emotional reaction to a physical change. If we pumped men full of the same hormones then I bet they would cry too!

I think crying from women is just more publicly acceptable. I think more men than you know have likely cried at work, they just do it in a cubicle or something so that they don't have to deal with the social stigma (from men and women).

Well what's better? That people swear or shout or other behaviours? Or repress and then snap? Most of the time people cannot control when they cry in my experience. Why is it that people having normal human emotions feels uncomfortable and inconvenient for you? I agree it might not be professional in many contexts but sometimes it's necessary for people. People who work lose loved ones, have miscarriages, experience disappointment and fear and anxiety and all of this can lead to crying - usually when under other stresses too. For men, crying in public is a huge taboo as it's been drilled in since childhood to "man up", "big boys don't cry", "toughen up", "don't be a pansy" so they fear the social consequences of crying but I don't think that's a good thing at all, it means they have to repress normal human emotions. It doesn't mean men are tougher - it means they've been conditioned to feel shame for expressing their emotions, so they often don't, which to my mind is really sad and is why men consistently have higher rates of suicide or express emotion through displays of toxic masculinity.