DH refusing to buy me what I ACTUALLY want - AIBU to find this frustrating?

[Greysealemperorpenguin]

A fairly everyday but not-cheap item of mine broke and this is a pain and inconveniences me all the time.

I’ve asked DH for a replacement for Christmas and he keeps deflecting, saying he’ll mend it (he won’t and even if he does it isn’t the same.)

AIBU to find it a bit frustrating?

I'm sorry for your frustration OP, but I have to say this thread is giving me such a laugh! 🤣

I've another solution- return DH's gift, buy yourself the bag, tell him to use his budget to buy himself something that he'd like as he clearly doesn't wish to consider what you actually want and need

This is why I buy my own gifts never disappointed and I always get what I wanted.

As he's being a dick, if i was you I'd return whatever I'd bought for him (if you spent as much as £70 on him - hopefully not !)
Then use that money to buy the bag and give it to him as his Christmas present.

If he won't get you what you want, get him what you want then take it "as you probably have no use for this, just as I had no use for the sodding hair straighteners you bought...."

Argh, should have refreshed before sending
Cross post with liveforsummer....

@TempNameChangexx I did the same thing as there were a couple before mine suggesting the same thing too. Combo of crap internet signal and the fact I'm distractible and take ages to type and send 😆

@liveforsummer
I can't even blame it on my internet !
Just menopausal brain fog and thinking "ooh I'll just do this before I post" then coming back 20 mins later or whatever...!

Maybe he feels he wouldn't be sure of buying one that you'd like?

Could he give you a gift voucher for wherever you could buy it from?

Return what he gives you and use the money to buy what you want.

Why can he afford £100 on hair straighteners but you can't afford £70 on a bag? Do you not share finances?

@CeeceeBloomingdale

He's being an arse, he should have bought what you asked for. I'd be tempted to return his gift and use the funds to buy the bag. We also have separate finances so understand where you are coming from.

Excellent idea 😁

I hear you @Greysealemperorpenguin
Goodness knows why posters don't seem to be able to grasp this very simple situation, or that you can't just go and buy an expensive bag .
I hope you have a lovely Xmas regardless of what he gives you.

The cobblers can do a great job fixing bags. If you want a new handbag though then that's a nice gift even if the old one gets fixed, it's rather odd he won't get it for you.

@IncompleteSenten

I hate it when people ask you what you want then tell you why they aren't getting it. Bloody ridiculous.

But, this is Mumsnet, where the op is always wrong so yabu, you're entitled, at least you're getting a gift, I haven't had anything nice since 1976 and my husband wipes his arse on my wishlist. He's trying. Just buy it yourself from your magical money tree. I haven't read any of your posts where you say you can't afford it and I won't be either. Let's talk about your financial arrangements and your sex life, they're what I really want to focus on.

nailed it!

I told mine he could buy me a new frying pan because mine is knackered, he said he was not buying me that for Christmas. Will probably get me a load of rubbish I don't want instead. He'll complain that I don't tell him what I want, can't win.

@Chely
You actually want a frying pan for Christmas? Just get one from a charity shop! No wonder men don’t respect women! Ask for something special!

@JustUseTheDoorSanta, Have you actually had a handbag repaired by a cobbler? If so, how much did it cost?

Given that we do not now the nature of the repair needed or even if the bag is repairable, how would you know it can be repaired.

I took a pair of shoes to the cobblers and they said they couldn't repair them

YANBU, OP.

What's the point of asking someone what they want and then refusing to get it? That's just rude.

May be different if the bag is horrendously expensive, but it doesn't sound as though it is.

@shethatmustnot

It's a strange perversion of our materialist and ego-centric society that we think of Christmas as an opportunity to tell everybody what we want and expect them to get it for us. That was never the idea behind it.

If that is what was happening you'd have a point, but it's not.

What's the point in asking "What would you like for Christmas?" only to then decide something within budget isn't an acceptable choice so buy something else?

YANBU @Greysealemperorpenguin

He's being an arse - and if he's got you nothing then he's being a complete arse

@namechange30455

Why can he afford £100 on hair straighteners but you can't afford £70 on a bag? Do you not share finances?

How is that difficult to understand?

He has £100 budgeted for Christmas present for the OP.
The OP, presumably, has £100 budgeted for him for Christmas.

The OP doesn't have £170 to buy him a present and herself a bag. Hence asking him to spend his budget on the bag.

[quote WhoppingBigBackside]@JustUseTheDoorSanta, Have you actually had a handbag repaired by a cobbler? If so, how much did it cost?

Given that we do not now the nature of the repair needed or even if the bag is repairable, how would you know it can be repaired.

I took a pair of shoes to the cobblers and they said they couldn't repair them[/quote]
Several times for different bags. New catch was £5, repairing leather hole and putting a patch can't remember maybe £7 or £8, new zip extortionate maybe £20. I wouldn't bother for a cheap bag, but for a good quality bag that I like it's worth repairs, same as shoes. (Except Radley bags, they replaced for broken zip after over a year, so I'd take it there first if it's Radley.)

[quote TizerorFizz]@Chely
You actually want a frying pan for Christmas? Just get one from a charity shop! No wonder men don’t respect women! Ask for something special![/quote]
I want a good one not a shit one.
I don't need owt special, don't go anywhere to need special stuff.

If you end up in the position of buying a new bag, check John Lewis sale when they do the final reductions. I got a bag for £80 last year that was £300 originally, a rather nice Coach one.

He is trying to tell you that he won't spend £70 on a bag even if you want and need it. He doesn't think its worth that amount or his values won't allow it. But £100 on straighteners means you will look nice for him.