DH refusing to buy me what I ACTUALLY want - AIBU to find this frustrating?

[Greysealemperorpenguin]

A fairly everyday but not-cheap item of mine broke and this is a pain and inconveniences me all the time.

I’ve asked DH for a replacement for Christmas and he keeps deflecting, saying he’ll mend it (he won’t and even if he does it isn’t the same.)

AIBU to find it a bit frustrating?

I never get the point of asking someone what they want then getting them something else.

Why bother?

But then I never understand all this point proving that goes on around gifts. Buying something different just because you find asking for something rude or want to not be told what to do. Conditional on passing some test the recipient isn't even aware they are having to take.

If its within agreed budgets and he asked you then he should just bloody get the bag.

@Thirtytimesround

Yanbu. Every yar DH asks me what I want, and then if I tell him he proceeds to tell me why I shouldn’t want that. 🤨

Same here. I asked for an orbital sander and he said "oh I'm sure we can cobble something together from stuff in the garage". I'm getting a bag, ironically. Sorry OP

Ffs OP.

Keep the bloody straighteners you don't need and make do with a broken bag, will you?!

Outrageous!

Just buy it yourself.

Is it your everyday work bag. Then even if it is expensive, it's cost effective, works out as pennies per day. Of making you happy.

Return hair straightness. Buy bag.

Accept straighteners “aww thanks”. Return to shop for refund and buy much wanted bag. Job done.

He’s returned the straighteners already, asked me what else I’d like, I told him, like a PP husband he told me why I shouldn’t want that.

But I can see this will be the thread of one sentence replies all inferring how thick and stupid I am

Merry Christmas.

I hope you get a NEW bag OP and that it's the one you're after. Have a lovely Christmas

Ask for a small cheap something to open and vouchers for a shop that sells the bag you want.

Then go out in the sales by yourself or with a friend and spend a leisurely couple of hours choosing and buying your new bag.

You certainly aren't either thick or stupid @Greysealemperorpenguin. Neither are you unreasonable.

Make sure you get that bag for yourself in the new year. It may well be in the sales. Buy a cheap supermarket shop one week - make him eat beans or freezer leftovers, omelettes etc for the week - and get some cashback.

You matter and your wishes are important too.

Hope you have a happy Christmas regardless. 🎄x

As long as he can afford it, then I see your frustration!

Ask for a small cheap something to open and vouchers for a shop that sells the bag you want

Isn't it lovely how even at Xmas women still have to do all the planning, thinking and problem.solving for the men.

How much easier than " I'd like this bag please " do they want it.

Don’t rely on other people to buy you the stuff you need. Just buy it yourself and tell DH not to get you anything.

@Greysealemperorpenguin, you can't argue with stupid.

The posters are telling you that you should accept the hair straighteners graciously, even though you have no need for them. Your DH used £100 of family money, yet you are expected to either pay to repair a £70 bag , when it might be expensive or impossible to do so, replace it with more family money, which you haven't got because your DH spent it, or replace it with a cheap one that would just about do the job.

I went against the grain and said YABU. Just buy it yourself and sod him.

Well I would say that if she has to tell him to buy the bag it's not a present from him anyway and they'd be better not doing presents so she can just buy her own bag, but it appears that there's more to this than that, because if their finances were fair, then they wouldn't be in a situation where he can afford to spend money and she can't.

So if he refuses to buy the bag, but gets her vouchers, then at least she gets her bag without having to pay for it, which is what she wants.

Just buy a replacement! Why is it so important that it has to be a "gift"? I put gift in inverted commas because, as you're married, it's presumably your money as well as your husband's that would be used to buy the item. Which one of actually orders it is irrelevant, surely? As it's you who wants/needs it, it follows that you would buy it. That makes more sense to me.

I'm a bit concerned that you need your husband to acquire for you the items you need. There's something very odd about your family finances.

Omg I cannot be doing with people like this. Him not you! Why even bother to pretend you care about what I want? Also if you are crap at presents just accept it and buy from the fucking list!

Can you not afford to buy it yourself?

What kind of gift is it if it is a requested practical item replacement? Why bother saying it is a Christmas present?

@Greysealemperorpenguin

Not everyone can just afford to go out and buy what they want. Especially at Christmas.

You are married, if he can afford to buy it so can you. I would consider it financial abuse if my husband withheld funds from me.

This thread is so frustrating!
She’s already said at Xmas she doesn’t have the money to just replace the bag herself!!
And it’s the kind of thing that would make a good gift…it’s not like she’s being forced to ask for a new toaster for Xmas cos theirs is broken 🤦🏻‍♀️

Just replace it ???

I hate it when people ask you what you want then tell you why they aren't getting it. Bloody ridiculous.

But, this is Mumsnet, where the op is always wrong so yabu, you're entitled, at least you're getting a gift, I haven't had anything nice since 1976 and my husband wipes his arse on my wishlist. He's trying. Just buy it yourself from your magical money tree. I haven't read any of your posts where you say you can't afford it and I won't be either. Let's talk about your financial arrangements and your sex life, they're what I really want to focus on.