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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid, in-laws and etiquette

93 replies

CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 16:57

In-laws alternate Christmas between us and sister-in-law. Step kid of sister-in-law has tested positive so in-laws can't go round to theirs on Xmas day. We're going to my parents. Do I need to invite in-laws to my parents now? I'm not good with social etiquette and stuff like this. My mum cannot stand father-in-law and generally the two sets of parents don't get on they just polite at birthdays and things. In-laws have other options like a nearby brother of mother-in-law s.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 23/12/2021 16:58

No.

TooWicked · 23/12/2021 16:59

Nope.

NewLifePending · 23/12/2021 17:00

Nope

Hadalifeonce · 23/12/2021 17:00

You can't invite someone to another person's house.

Seeline · 23/12/2021 17:00

No. It would be your mother's choice to invite them, and she is under no obligation to do so. If you were hosting it would be a different matter.

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 17:02

Seems so obvious now. Thank you.

I'm not good with social stuff and expectations when I start to panic I struggle even more

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 23/12/2021 17:02

No. Not your choice, and I certainly wouldn’t be asking DM to invite them.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 23/12/2021 17:03

No. You dont invite people to anothers house

xyzandabc · 23/12/2021 17:04

You're not hosting, you can't invite anyone to someone else's bash. If your parents wish to invite them, they can, but doesn't sound like they would want to do that.

If you really want them involved then offer to host and invite both sets of parents to you, but if they don't really get on then not much point in making everyone have a rubbish day.

There's 2 of them, not like you'd be leaving someone on their own, they might choose to spend it just the 2 of them, or go to brothers but they will be fine, you don't need to do anything.

Kite22 · 23/12/2021 17:04

No

Ozanj · 23/12/2021 17:05

No, but I think you probably should try to fit them in afterwards at some point during the festive season.

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 17:12

They'll be with us on the 26th

OP posts:
Ozanj · 23/12/2021 17:14

That’s fine then. No need to change your xmas plans

PatsyJStone · 23/12/2021 17:36

I’d say it’s too close to get extra food etc. that your parents would want to ensure there is enough, short notice. In short, no.

TheQueensCousin · 23/12/2021 17:46

To be honest it's not your invite to give that would be down to your DM. I'm sure they'll make their own arrangements, have a lovely Christmas 🎅

Mrstamborineman · 23/12/2021 17:48

Nope. They made plans that have not worked out. Not you’re problem.

Datsandcogs · 23/12/2021 19:37

No, not your place to invite them to someone else’s meal. Take advantage of not being home and so they can’t expect a last minute invite from you!

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 22:18

Getting guilt tripped now about them being on their own

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 23/12/2021 22:30

Ignore. It's not your turn, it's not your house, it's not your responsibility and it's not your fault.

tortiecat · 23/12/2021 22:30

@CovidforCrimbo

Getting guilt tripped now about them being on their own
Who is guilt tripping you? As pp have said you can't invite your PIL to your parents, as it's up to your parents to invite them; and your PIL can't expect you to drop everything and host them.
Frazzled2207 · 23/12/2021 22:33

No.
My parents have spent lots of Christmasses on their own and are fine with it.
If there was only one of them I’d be keen to make sure alternative arrangements were available but that wouldn’t extent to inviting them to my own parents if they didn’t get on!

Frazzled2207 · 23/12/2021 22:33

@CovidforCrimbo

They'll be with us on the 26th
Totally fine then
Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 22:34

They don't get on and my dad has recently had a nervous breakdown so extra guests would not go down well!
Guilt tripped by bil.

OP posts:
Fl0w3ry · 23/12/2021 22:36

You have already made plans with your own parents. It’s not your fault your in-laws plans have fallen through. If your parents don’t like your in-laws it would probably spoil your Christmas having them there anyway. Ignore the guilt-tripping. We have relatives who guilt-trip if they don’t get their own way. We have developed thick skins to it now. It’s not easy. Just smile, nod, ‘aww’ and don’t even hint that you would be willing to change your plans for them. It’s a bit late anyway, this close to Christmas. Your parents will have only bought the food they need for the guests they are expecting.

Lindy2 · 23/12/2021 22:41

No. Your PIL aren't alone as they have each other.

Carry on with your plans. Perhaps go and see them another day between Christmas and New Year but they don't need to come to your parents.