Covid, in-laws and etiquette

[CovidforCrimbo]

In-laws alternate Christmas between us and sister-in-law. Step kid of sister-in-law has tested positive so in-laws can't go round to theirs on Xmas day. We're going to my parents. Do I need to invite in-laws to my parents now? I'm not good with social etiquette and stuff like this. My mum cannot stand father-in-law and generally the two sets of parents don't get on they just polite at birthdays and things. In-laws have other options like a nearby brother of mother-in-law s.

Wow you know it’s nothing to do with what actually happened but everything to do with the fact you put your foot down. Looks like they don’t like you to (perfectly reasonably) say no to them. They are showing their true colours. Why do you want to be close to these selfish, passive aggressive people?

It is perfectly socially acceptable to ignore your twat if a bil until next Christmas! Don’t pander to their petty bullying, don’t call, don’t text, don’t adjust any plans to work better for them.

I don't understand what you want them to say tbh?

I read it as he’s annoyed/guilty they got covid and he’s redirecting those emotions at you because you didn’t fix his problem for you. But that’s not your job!

Also, every single one of my friends/family (including me!) that were having in-laws or people round for Christmas Day made the arrangements knowing they might change and they might end up home alone - that’s the risk you take at the moment and everyone had planned accordingly (had food in freezer if needed, for example)

You are over thinking their responses.
Honestly, dont give it another thought.
Was'nt your problem on xmas day, still is'nt today.
Just crack on as normal and be glad you are rid of dramatic BIL and SIL

Your sil is putting her own guilt about getting covid and ruining Xmas into you

Ignore her childish ways She is obviously very immature. Do you often have issues with her?

Yes in the past we have when.

Sorry not sure how to reply to one person. That was for when.

@lap90

I don't understand what you want them to say tbh?

Thanks for the presents and merry Christmas would be nice. Spent about £130 on their kids/stepkids.

You do know why they are being stand offish. They are unreasonable to try an guilt trip you. Pil were fine on Christmas day and you have seen them since.

Now you need to do the hard nit and modify your own reaction. Bil/sil are in a huff, you need to not care. You've done nothing wrong, dh isn't bothered, pil aren't bothered. Let it pass. Do not chase them as it will only fuel it.

If it suits you be mature and behave normally when they do. Until then take some deep breaths and remind yourself "I've done nothing wrong, pil are fine. Bil huff doesn't matter and will pass"

I've been a nob and sent a text message. I'm off out today with some friends and didn't want it nibbling away. Sil has responded but tone is not the same. Please don't flame me. I know I'm an idiot.

You're not an idiot, you're someone who cares too much what other people think.

Sil has responded even if not as warmly as usual so it sounds like she isn't so angry she wants to fall out either. Hopefully you can take that as reassurance and enjoy the rest of your day.

Also tone from sil may he due to something completely unrelated to you not hosting pil. Perhaps not feeling well herself, cabin fever as stuck in house. Post Christmas lull and disappointment all over and didn't get to do what she had planned.

It was lads post that made me think. I'd not said thank for the presents so I sent one saying that and hope everyone is well. Reply was everyone ok and isolation ending soon hopefully with negative lfts. Glad little one liked gifts.

"Not sure why they're being so off with us."

Well, it's pretty obvious they're pissed off that you wouldn't conform to their will. Tough luck.
I'd back off for a while and not engage.

Well, they are fed up and COVID affected. Possibly feeling bad about the ILs.

Stop needily fishing for approval. You made a reasonable decision, the PILs were FINE.

Honestly, sensitive people pleasers who need affirmation can be as tiresome as demanding bossy types.

Enjoy your day today and MOVE ON.

I agree with other PP
Stop mulling this over and over.
It's done. Move on with your day!

You'll never get what you want in reply from BIL and SiL as BIL at least sounds self centred and full of hot air about what he expects other people to do to, regardless of how unreasonable his expectations are. Don't play this game. You didn't. It's done. You've had PILs for Boxing Day as planned. Fab. It's done and over

Been out with friends and back home now. Had a chance to sort my head out and feel good now