Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid, in-laws and etiquette

93 replies

CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 16:57

In-laws alternate Christmas between us and sister-in-law. Step kid of sister-in-law has tested positive so in-laws can't go round to theirs on Xmas day. We're going to my parents. Do I need to invite in-laws to my parents now? I'm not good with social etiquette and stuff like this. My mum cannot stand father-in-law and generally the two sets of parents don't get on they just polite at birthdays and things. In-laws have other options like a nearby brother of mother-in-law s.

OP posts:
Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 25/12/2021 17:18

Sil has sent a short text saying merry Christmas, not much else. Normally we at least speak on Christmas day. Not sure why theyre being so off with us.

OP posts:
80sMum · 25/12/2021 17:26

Good heavens! What an unreasonable and petulant BIL you have! He seems very immature.

I'm truly astonished at the ridiculous ways in which way some people behave!

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 25/12/2021 17:33

Nothing surprises me with them anymore.

OP posts:
phishy · 25/12/2021 17:38

Basically you've shown that you are able to say no them.

People can be surprisingly annoyed when they realise you won't roll over for them.

Hope you had a lovely Christmas.

You've tried, don't call or message them again.

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 25/12/2021 17:42

So no call tomorrow?

OP posts:
Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 25/12/2021 17:44

Does anyone else struggle with social etiquette and behaviour? I might start a separate thread. I just don't feel like I ever "know" what to do in a situation of potential conflict or crisis. And rather than tell bil or sil to do one, I'd pander to people as I do t wan to cause upset.

OP posts:
BringBackCoffeeCreams · 25/12/2021 17:49

The balls in their court. Leave them to grow up and make contact with you.

phishy · 25/12/2021 17:50

Definitely don't call BIL/SIL tomorrow.

That's probably why they're acting so butt hurt and entitled, because they expect you to do all the running.

Did you speak to PIL?

billy1966 · 25/12/2021 18:02

Definitely do not call them.

Why you would even consider inflicting your in laws on your parents, your recovering father, is beyond me.

Your BIL sounds like a complete PITA.

Step back.

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 25/12/2021 18:05

Phoned PIL earlier and they were absolutely fine, hungover from Xmas Eve and not bothered at all.

OP posts:
CambsAlways · 25/12/2021 18:06

No

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 25/12/2021 18:06

I think I'll start a new post regarding me growing a pair!

OP posts:
Rainartist · 25/12/2021 18:10

No,you don't invite people to other people's houses. If you were at home then fine but you're not you're going out (doesn't matter where to, if you were going to a restaurant they couldn't tag along could they?).

They aren't alone they have each other!

HewasH2O · 25/12/2021 18:12

Can I let you in on a secret? Lots of people like not having to "do" Christmas every so often. It sounds as though your Mil & Fil are quite happy. Bil is just trying to transfer his (unnecessary) guilt to you.

Rainartist · 25/12/2021 18:12

Your bil needs to understand he can't control other people's actions

I get annoyed that one of my brothers has never hosted DM for christmas but I accept I can't make him invite her so say nothing...

picklemewalnuts · 25/12/2021 18:44

@CovidforCrimbo

Does anyone else struggle with social etiquette and behaviour? I might start a separate thread. I just don't feel like I ever "know" what to do in a situation of potential conflict or crisis. And rather than tell bil or sil to do one, I'd pander to people as I do t wan to cause upset.
I don't think you have a problem- I think the people you are dealing with are difficult. Generally it shouldn't be hard to know how to react to situations. When you are fretting and feel like you are walking on eggshells, that suggest the other people in the situation are demanding and difficult. It's not you, it's them!
Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 25/12/2021 19:02

Wow totally never looked at it like that pickle.

OP posts:
Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 26/12/2021 11:49

Still not heard anything. Quite rude really.

OP posts:
Blondebakingmumma · 26/12/2021 11:56

Your BIL is basically tantruming like a toddler because he didn’t get his own way. Ignore and DO NOT apologize. He is the one in the wrong. Don’t feel at all guilty because you’ve done nothing wrong.

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 26/12/2021 14:37

In laws have been and gone and have not been bothered by Xmas day at all. Not aggrieved that we didn't change our plans. But still nothing from sil.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 26/12/2021 14:48

So just ignore SIL and BiL.
They are waiting for you to 'give in', in some way. You mustn't.

Don't get drawn in to any power struggles. It's like you've been drawn into a tug of war- you feel obliged to hold on tight and hold your own and resist the pressure. Actually it's better to let go of the rope. You don't need to compete, just because they want to. Just drop the rope.

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 26/12/2021 14:54

I know you're totally right Pickle. I really want to phone or text as I hate feeling like I'm in trouble. But I don't need the hostility. I know I shouldn't phone but I just don't want to crack.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 26/12/2021 20:02

Just keep visualising yourself dropping that rope, and BiL and SiL falling flat on their arses!

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 27/12/2021 08:25

Little update we've heard nothing from them since before Xmas but in laws have. There's been lots of sil liking stuff on social media and adding season's greetings and merry Xmas to lots of other people but not us. I feel like we've been sidelined and I genuinely don't know why.

OP posts:
Furrydogmum · 27/12/2021 08:37

OP your husband dealt with BIL, your PILS are happy enough. What do your SIL and BIL bring to your life - in laws are a fact of marriage - if they are knobs (as yours seem to be) they don't matter! Stop giving them head space, maybe read some assertiveness self help to stop you tying yourself in knots.. Don't keep ringing/texting them, you're giving them power over your happiness.