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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid, in-laws and etiquette

93 replies

CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 16:57

In-laws alternate Christmas between us and sister-in-law. Step kid of sister-in-law has tested positive so in-laws can't go round to theirs on Xmas day. We're going to my parents. Do I need to invite in-laws to my parents now? I'm not good with social etiquette and stuff like this. My mum cannot stand father-in-law and generally the two sets of parents don't get on they just polite at birthdays and things. In-laws have other options like a nearby brother of mother-in-law s.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 23/12/2021 22:51

Your dad's ill health trumps any guilt BiL may be trying to share out.
He's trying to avoid his own guilt.

Do not under any circumstances change your plans, as that would result in you and your parents missing out on a nice day.

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 22:54

Thanks everyone. You're all right. Bil said that they would change their plans. Difference is they all live closer. We've got a 90 minute journey between the two sets so not round the corner.

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 23/12/2021 22:57

No. You’re seeing them on Boxing Day. Leave it as it is.

Aubriella · 23/12/2021 22:58

What did BIO expect you to do?

And are PIL bending his ear?

sherridan · 23/12/2021 23:00

Please ignore the guilt trip, or maybe turn it back on your brother in law. If it's so awful for his (healthy and not expecting to have Xmas day with you) parents to be alone together, wouldn't it be so much worse to ditch your own parents with 2 days' notice, especially when one of them has been so ill?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 23/12/2021 23:03

No. They’re a couple so they’re not going to be on their own, they’ll have each other. Nothing to feel guilty about there.

hulahooper2 · 23/12/2021 23:05

No don’t invite them if they have another option , covid risk is a perfect excuse too

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 23/12/2021 23:07

Hate feeling like this. Being ignored now on texts. Bil says that he would change his plans if it was the other way round. But it's not a like for like situation.

OP posts:
ProudThrilledHappy · 23/12/2021 23:10

So BIL is expecting you to suddenly cancel on your parents and find everything needed to host his parents at short notice? Very unreasonable of him

LittleOwl153 · 23/12/2021 23:12

Then surely BIL can change his plans if its so important to him.....

Not your invite. Nothing you can do - even if you wanted to! Who's ignoring you? Surely just switch off and go to bed!!

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 23/12/2021 23:13

Just block your BIL. Don't message him anything. Tell your husband if you like. "Your brother was harassing me, so I've blocked him." Then carry on with your evening.

SockFluffInTheBath · 23/12/2021 23:14

@CovidforCrimbo

They don't get on and my dad has recently had a nervous breakdown so extra guests would not go down well! Guilt tripped by bil.
Technically BIL doesn't need to isolate, so he can go to them for the day so they're not alone. Sorted Xmas Smile
Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 24/12/2021 19:01

Bil has phoned up and asked why we can't have in laws.

OP posts:
Squeezita · 24/12/2021 19:03

What did you say?

Stay firm, they need to sort this themselves.

CatRatSplat · 24/12/2021 19:05

Tell him they would be going to an empty, cold house with no food at yours as you won't be there and it would be rude to a)invite them to someone else's house and b) rude if you changed your plans at such late notice leaving your hosts on a limb too. Alternativly don't answer the phone.

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 24/12/2021 19:06

Dh dealt with it and said we can't invite people round to other people's Christmases. He replied saying that he would and that my parents should want to help. Incidentally, mil is not bothered at all just bil. He said they do stuff for us and shouldn't be alone tomorrow.

OP posts:
MadeOfStarStuff · 24/12/2021 19:07

If it was one person on their own it would be nice to ask your parents if you could invite them. But they’re not on their own, they have each other.

It’s not your parents responsibility to fix their problem.

Chloemol · 24/12/2021 19:09

Tell bil to go and visit them then

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 24/12/2021 19:16

Sil not replied to message earlier asking if they're ok.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 24/12/2021 19:23

@CovidforCrimbo

Getting guilt tripped now about them being on their own
Why do your parents not like your ILs? I would definitely invite both my adult DC’s parents over if they were going to be unexpectedly alone, but I like them all, and we have a good laugh when we are together
Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 24/12/2021 22:51

They're just very different people. In laws can be very outspoken and it's just always a tense atmosphere. Feeling bad now again but I know it just wouldn't be worth the stress .

OP posts:
PerfectlyImperfectme · 24/12/2021 22:57

Don't give it another thought. Enjoy the day with your parents. You're seeing them 26th so not like they aren't seeing your family at all.
And it's a huge cheek and imposition on your parents to even have thought about it. Your Dad needs a Christmas with his own around so there is less pressure.
Enjoy your day & stop with the guilt - sure as hell bil won't be thinking about anyone but himself x

Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 24/12/2021 23:02

Thank you. I needed to read that.

OP posts:
Original poster
CovidforCrimbo · 25/12/2021 14:57

So tried to phone bil and wish a merry Christmas and not answering. Think we're in the bad books.

OP posts:
RowsOfHolly · 25/12/2021 17:08

Being in someone’s bad books doesn’t make you wrong.

He was just trying to offload a problem within HIS family to yours. Your DH needs to tell him to chill.