Permit me a litte rant please...

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

...so that I don't explode at home!! Two stepsons have been with us for less than 24 hours - arrived at 5pm last night. In that time they have managed to generate an entire basket full of washing (not a small one) and drank most of the milk that I have in the house. Husband is blind to it so I have to instruct him to put the washing machine on while I hide in my office quietly seething. I mean how the fuck is it even possible to dirty that many clothes in less than 24 hours? AIBU to think they are saving this shit up for when the come to stay with us?!

@BitcherOfBlakiven wow, just skim read. Nasty, these are children.

It may be sound a bit pious but I think of all those alone, separated or bereaved from their families this Christmas and think you should be more grateful for having family around you. Milk and washing are small things in the scheme of life. Forget the washing for now, get some milk and a bottle of wine whilst you are there, sit down and try to enjoy their company.

Just ignore the washing - they'll retrieve it when they need it, so no harm done there, and send DH or go and buy more milk yourself- if you ask them to buy milk and they don't then that means you can't have tea/coffee either. So for the sake of harmony, buy more milk than you need and stick a few pints in the garden/freezer where it can't be easily found and drunk. Have a word with DH separately to speak to them about manners and expectations.

@Dodgyveneers 😂 yup

@ChargingBuck sorry that was absolute sarcasm btw. Just ask them to use the washing machine and buy more milk. 🤣

I see we're not allowed a little rant on here now. Ok then.

You deserve to have a rant, @chocolatesaltyballs22!

I do agree with the previous posters who have said that you need to just stop doing any of it for them. The washing fairy needs to go on strike, and you need to kick them out to the shops each and every time they use up something and don't bother telling anyone.

And I'd be direct with them (as it seems you can't leave that to your dh) - tell them point blank "I will not be doing your laundry for you - you know how to use the machine. Go and replace the milk you used up, and in the future, don't use anything up without replacing it. If you ever want to have a relationship with a woman, you will need to grow up and stop being man-children!"

Get. Your. Husband. To. Sort. This. Out.

FFS.

Put your washing on. Go out to a cafe. Ignore the manchildren. Do what the fuck you want. Don’t cook or clean or shop for them.

Get home, dry your washing. Ignore the selfish little shits.

I had to put up with stepbrothers who were indulged like these young men and it was disgusting. Thirty years on, they are still a waste of oxygen.

Call them out or disengage but give up the martyr stuff. They don’t care.

Your DSSs do sound pretty awful to be honest and it’s not fair that their biological parents get to spoil them and you, the step parent have to deal with the affect of that. So my advice to you is don’t. If they moan that there’s no milk or they have no clothes let their dad deal with it.

It's aaaaaall good people. I'm on the wine and it makes it aaaaaall better.

Nothing wrong with their dad going to get their favourite shampoo. Do you have children op? I would happily buy my kids the smallest of things when they are older, in fact I feel I would take pleasure out of doing so, they aren't kids for long and then go off to do their own thing, so if the opportunity arises I will gladly take it.
They are 14&21, am not surprised the milk finished. Ensure you have plenty of milk next time. 2 sons, I can see why so much laundry would come about, the clothing they wore when they came, their nightwear, the clothes they wore next day, they perhaps had to change vain in to something else, 2 boys of course the washing will pile up, have you seen how big and bulky boys jeans are! My two young boys fill up the laundry basket in one or two days, even my clothes pile up, in a short space of time

Still think about the charming thread from the poster who could not wait to have her 'baby' home for Christmas and how she wanted to spoil her (grown up daughter). So much love and understanding shown to the OP, and rightly so. Such a contrast to this thread. I wonder if a step dad came on MN to moan about his step daughters what the reaction would be.
Lots of recent research being publicised at the moment about the role ( and dangers) of step parents.
I am sure that there are lovely step mums and dads out there. Sadly, you don't hear about them very often. I always think about Fanny Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility begrudging the Dashwood girls everything and finally settling on they might have occasional use of a pony. I think the OP is modelled on Fanny Dashwood.
Jane Austen understood the pitfalls of blended families.

You do get that I come on here to rant so that I'm not a bitch at home, right??

@larkle

Still think about the charming thread from the poster who could not wait to have her 'baby' home for Christmas and how she wanted to spoil her (grown up daughter). So much love and understanding shown to the OP, and rightly so. Such a contrast to this thread. I wonder if a step dad came on MN to moan about his step daughters what the reaction would be. Lots of recent research being publicised at the moment about the role ( and dangers) of step parents. I am sure that there are lovely step mums and dads out there. Sadly, you don't hear about them very often. I always think about Fanny Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility begrudging the Dashwood girls everything and finally settling on they might have occasional use of a pony. I think the OP is modelled on Fanny Dashwood. Jane Austen understood the pitfalls of blended families.

You know Fanny Dashwood was the DIL / SIL right? Better take you’re in accurate Jane Austen references off to a nice MIL vs DIL thread

OP they sounds a nightmare. I wouldn’t dream of going to my mum and step dads and behaving like that even at that age! It’s just rude and they’re perfectly capable of doing their own washing

Do a deep dive and you’ll see more. I’m familiar with OP.

Same, read a post about these kids regarding their Christmas stay. The OP doesn't like them or want them there.

OP rant all you like but it is more about actively disliking them.

I don't know many 14 year olds that do their own washing. ( Except on this forum)

OP of course you are allowed to rant but as per yr last post about the bedroom now being your study it was clear that you didn’t want them to come. The washing is nothing to pay any attention to - I don’t get why you’re having angst about it. Your dh can sort out him / then picking up some milk.

I think the problem is that when you don’t want someone there (everyone not just op) then you’re on the look out for problems.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

They have been shown how to use the washing machine. Several times. But they'd rather let the washing fairy do it.

DON'T BE THE WASHING FAIRY then! They're letting the washing fairy do it because she always does. What's going to happen if you just don't do it? They'll realise they have no clean clothes and have to re-use some dirty clothes. Their problem. Not your problem. Then if they don't like it they'll soon realise they have to put a wash on.

Say to them now "by the way, I'm going to need to use the washing machine and drying space on X day, so if you need any washing done you'll either need to do it NOW, or wait until after X day." That's not babying them, that's just part of the general communication required when sharing a house with other adults. Then if they don't do it on time then tough.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

I see we're not allowed a little rant on here now. Ok then.

Rant away.

Don't do their washing or go and get them more things. Make sure you do your washing when you need to. If it means their stuff has to move then it has to move.

@whenthedoveslie

Do a deep dive and you’ll see more. I’m familiar with OP.

Same, read a post about these kids regarding their Christmas stay. The OP doesn't like them or want them there.

OP rant all you like but it is more about actively disliking them.

Bored, are you? So what if I've posted before. Shoot me.

You 'should' know by now @chocolatesaltyballs22 that if you're a step parent on this board you are a horrible cow regardless if your step kids are at times awful individuals enabled by a Disney dad.

We must bow down to step children at all times. Most that comment have no idea about how it is for step parents and the adage 'you knew what you were getting into' is bollocks. Very skewed views on mn regarding step parenting.

Indeed you are correct @WildFlowerBees and I've seen your post about you all now having to isolate because of the stepkids being sent over with covid. I would be bloody livid at that. Have a glass of 🍷 on me.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Indeed you are correct *@WildFlowerBees* and I've seen your post about you all now having to isolate because of the stepkids being sent over with covid. I would be bloody livid at that. Have a glass of 🍷 on me.

Ah no that's LadyCluck, my dh dropped on me this morning that adult dsd wouldn't just be coming for dinner no she's staying until Boxing Day. So glad I have a shit load of wine.

Ah yeah, getting you confused - sorry! Well either way you defo need wine.

They will never learn if you keep micro managing.
Totally ignore. The milk is easy, ask one of them to go buy some.