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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Permit me a litte rant please...

130 replies

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/12/2021 13:49

...so that I don't explode at home!! Two stepsons have been with us for less than 24 hours - arrived at 5pm last night. In that time they have managed to generate an entire basket full of washing (not a small one) and drank most of the milk that I have in the house. Husband is blind to it so I have to instruct him to put the washing machine on while I hide in my office quietly seething. I mean how the fuck is it even possible to dirty that many clothes in less than 24 hours? AIBU to think they are saving this shit up for when the come to stay with us?!

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 23/12/2021 14:07

[quote chocolatesaltyballs22]@Howshouldibehave it's not. I also happen to be the only fucking adult in the household who is working today but apparently I still need to keep tabs on what needs doing.[/quote]
Why do you? Nobody's making you keep tabs.

Let them pile their own laundry up - it needn't affect you. It's not for you to sort out or even notice. Let them, or their dad, work it out when they run out of clothes.

The milk probably does affect you, but as the only one working today, you get to tell any of the other 3 people in your house to go & buy some.

ChargingBuck · 23/12/2021 14:09

@chocolatesaltyballs22

They have been shown how to use the washing machine. Several times. But they'd rather let the washing fairy do it.
This may strike you as a radical thought ... but you know the washing fairy is an optional role, no?

Stop bloody martyring yourself.
Cultivate the blase attitude of the men in your house.

And only do your own washing.

Howshouldibehave · 23/12/2021 14:10

Are they coming up to you saying, ‘Why haven’t you done all our washing and why haven’t you bought more milk-even though you’re working and we aren’t?’

What is actually being said by them to you?

My MIL used to say she ‘had’ to do everything, but she didn’t. Nobody asked her to-she just used to martyr herself.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 23/12/2021 14:10

I am sure my dh feels like you op. He has 5 dsc living with us full time. Never enough milk and always too much washing. He has learned to accept the chaos because he loves me. And them. If you are struggling then be honest. I don't feel any less for dh when he needs a breather!!

HideousKinky · 23/12/2021 14:12

I assumed they were children from your first post, not 14 and 21!!
Why are you washing for them at all??

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/12/2021 14:14

I'm not @HideousKinky - my husband is. Because they're treated like bloody children. The only reason I'm concerned is that if it builds up and he ends up doing it all in one go then I'll have nowhere to dry my stuff when it needs doing. I don't want wet washing all over the sodding house over Christmas.

OP posts:
WorriedGiraffe · 23/12/2021 14:14

I think YABU, they arrived at 5pm last night and you are mad that they didn’t put the washer on before lunch time today…. The washing won’t combust if left for 24 hours. Just tell them to put the washer on if you want it on by a certain time.

buckeejit · 23/12/2021 14:15

The washing fairy is enabling their shit behaviour then by doing the washing. What you permit, you promote!

Tell them clearly that they need to do their own washing & if they drink the milk they need to go out & get more.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2021 14:18

You’re finding reasons to be stressed. Close your office door, focus on your work, ignore them all.

Mrsjayy · 23/12/2021 14:29

You are winding yourself up into a tizz and looking for things to stress about !

Mrsjayy · 23/12/2021 14:31

Are you like this every time they come its only been 208sh hours .

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/12/2021 14:33

The eldest winds me up. Regresses into child mode whenever he's here despite looking after himself at uni. Comes here and doesn't lift a finger. I can just about cope with a 14yo being babied (although that's bad enough) but I can't be doing with a man child in the house. I don't have the time or patience for that shit.

OP posts:
RoyalFamilyFan · 23/12/2021 14:34

Buy more milk.
Tell your DP you are not doing the washing. So either he does it, or he tells them they have to.

HideousKinky · 23/12/2021 14:38

@chocolatesaltyballs22

The eldest winds me up. Regresses into child mode whenever he's here despite looking after himself at uni. Comes here and doesn't lift a finger. I can just about cope with a 14yo being babied (although that's bad enough) but I can't be doing with a man child in the house. I don't have the time or patience for that shit.
Have you said this to your DH?

Why does he have time or patience for it?

Franklyfrost · 23/12/2021 14:42

Getting an extra carton of milk in is hardly a huge hosting demand. No idea why you’re doing their washing. These things are not annoying, you just don’t like them.

RoyalFamilyFan · 23/12/2021 14:43

Nearly all 21-year-olds regress at their parents home. It is totally normal.

godmum56 · 23/12/2021 14:49

@chocolatesaltyballs22

They have been shown how to use the washing machine. Several times. But they'd rather let the washing fairy do it.
well what a shame it would be if they had no clean clothes........
itsgettingwierd · 23/12/2021 14:50

@chocolatesaltyballs22

They have been shown how to use the washing machine. Several times. But they'd rather let the washing fairy do it.
Because the washing fairy always does it.

Just don't.

BobbieT1999 · 23/12/2021 14:54

@chocolatesaltyballs22

I'm not *@HideousKinky* - my husband is. Because they're treated like bloody children. The only reason I'm concerned is that if it builds up and he ends up doing it all in one go then I'll have nowhere to dry my stuff when it needs doing. I don't want wet washing all over the sodding house over Christmas.
If that happens it gets dried in their room. Simple.
BoredZelda · 23/12/2021 14:59

but apparently I still need to keep tabs on what needs doing.

Do you, though? What happens if they have no clean clothes? They either wear dirty ones or they wash them themselves. Of course they would rather someone martyred themselves and did it, but if you don’t do it, it’s no skin off your nose. And shout as one of them to go and get more milk.

LoveGoldberg · 23/12/2021 15:00

These things are not annoying, you just don’t like them.

I love my step daughter to death, I actually think I like her more than anyone else in the world and we get on great….. I would still be annoyed by her filling a washing basket within 18 hours and not doing a fair share of chores, and she’s 10 not 21! By 22 I was living with her Dad and helping keep her alive, if I could do that while only being a year older then why can’t a 21 year old “help” with his own mess.

Annike4 · 23/12/2021 15:09

A 21 year old man and a 14 year old teenager should easily be able to do their own washing. The fact that they have left it out means they expect someone else (you) to do it. Your DH is spoiling his children and expecting you to join in. I wouldn't join in at all - let him take care of them - he has done the spoiling!

MintyGreenDream · 23/12/2021 15:11

"Dss do me a favour and get some milk from the shop would you please"

They should help replace what they have used

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/12/2021 15:11

@HideousKinky yes I have said this to their dad and he agrees with me whilst continuing to enable their behaviour. As for the milk, it's more the selfishness that pisses me off. Empty carton left in the fridge for someone else to find and worry about. Pure thoughtlessness.

OP posts:
Annike4 · 23/12/2021 15:13

I was just reading your thread again OP - these two young men are going to go on in life to expect a women to do their laundry forever, and probably cook their food! It's so depressing.
If I were you I would step right back and let your DH do absolutely everything for them- 14 and 21! Absolutely ridiculous.