Permit me a litte rant please...

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

...so that I don't explode at home!! Two stepsons have been with us for less than 24 hours - arrived at 5pm last night. In that time they have managed to generate an entire basket full of washing (not a small one) and drank most of the milk that I have in the house. Husband is blind to it so I have to instruct him to put the washing machine on while I hide in my office quietly seething. I mean how the fuck is it even possible to dirty that many clothes in less than 24 hours? AIBU to think they are saving this shit up for when the come to stay with us?!

My teens drink pints of milk. It’s really not a big deal. Certainly not worthy of a rant. One of them or their father can just go and buy more. Milk isn’t that expensive.

The washing- not sure how they’ve got so much to wash but let them crack on. It doesn’t affect you if they have no clean clothes.

Wet clothes all over the house - throw them away.

No milk - you need an advance strategy for this one, mini fridge somewhere they won't know about for YOUR milk. No milk for them but you can have all the tea, coffee and cereal you like.

God I can feel it. Stop helping any of them . Look after you.

@Thehogfatherstolemycurry

Tell 1 to do the washing and send the other to the shop for milk.

Or alternatively daddy can get milk with the special shampoo and run a wash when he gets back. They only do it because they get away with it, and I include your DH in they.

I read a thread earlier today from a woman expecting her 'baby' home. That is how she described her eighteen year old daughter. It was a sweet thread. So much support and understanding. So different if the 'baby' is male. No understanding or kindness just cries of 'manchild'.
Don't get worked up OP. Just let it go and smile. Your husband and stepsons really won't mind. They may even do something.
Relax and look after yourself. No one likes a martyr.

@heldinadream

Wet clothes all over the house - throw them away.

No milk - you need an advance strategy for this one, mini fridge somewhere they won't know about for YOUR milk. No milk for them but you can have all the tea, coffee and cereal you like.

God I can feel it. Stop helping any of them . Look after you.

Throw their clothes away? Like in the bin? For being present where Op wants to hang hers?

You don't sound very caring to be honest. Those poor boys 🙁

@larkle you're forgetting the fact that I didn't give birth to these manchilds(?!) either...so much easier to let it go when it's your own kid. (BTW by own (female, 18yo) 'baby' doesn't get away with this shit!

@chocolatesaltyballs22

They have been shown how to use the washing machine. Several times. But they'd rather let the washing fairy do it.

So don't do it, and tell them you're not going to. When they complain they've got nothing clean to wear, point out that the remedy lay in their hands.

@Ionlydomassiveones

Laundry should not cause this much angst. Why are you assuming the role of ‘laundry fairy’? That’s the problem here. Yes they or your DH should do it - so no biggie then. Why are getting wound up about their dad doing stuff for them?

Because as a previous poster pointed out they will grow up thinking that women will always do this shit for them. And because I don't want wet laundry all over the house over Christmas. And because they must literally have taken off every single item of clothing they were wearing, and then some, in order to make a full wash load in less than 24 hours. I mean, how?!!

@chocolatesaltyballs22

They have been shown how to use the washing machine. Several times. But they'd rather let the washing fairy do it.

Not the washing fairy, no. A woman. They'd rather let a woman do it.

Just leave your DH to sort it. Him doing washing and getting milk isn’t a huge deal, surely? (or prompting his sons to do it).

I think It’s pretty normal to enjoy being looked after a bit when you go home from uni. I know I used to really look forward to being fussed over by my parents. I still turned into a fully functioning adult 🤷‍♀️.

Rant away @chocolatesaltyballs22 delegate delegate delegate!
Personally I would throw the laundry back into their room.
It is so lucky that dh is a soft touch. He will be happy to sort it all.
Deep breath and onward.

I have said before that the youngest said to me only a couple of years ago when he was 12 , after taking a dump in the toilet, 'you might want to go and clean the toilet as I've left a bit of a mess.' This is what I'm dealing with. (I did not clean his shit btw, I made my husband educate him in the ways of cleaning up his own shit).

@chocolatesaltyballs22

They have been shown how to use the washing machine. Several times. But they'd rather let the washing fairy do it.

More fool you if you do then.

@Just10moreminutesplease

Just leave your DH to sort it. Him doing washing and getting milk isn’t a huge deal, surely? (or prompting his sons to do it).

I think It’s pretty normal to enjoy being looked after a bit when you go home from uni. I know I used to really look forward to being fussed over by my parents. I still turned into a fully functioning adult 🤷‍♀️.

This...

Chill out and delegate to your husband.

At least try to make it a happy Christmas. Sometimes, small niggles have to be overlooked for family harmony.

And, at the risk of being slated, there is much, much worse going on in the world than what you are 'enduring'.

just to make you feel better, my own dc regularly fill the wash basket up and drink all the milk but as their parent that’s part of family living regardless of age. They do their chores but I do the majority.
I don’t understand why you are moaning, surely you just shout out of the kitchen/ study wherever, someone needs to go get milk. Why is it more complicated than that

@chocolatesaltyballs22

I have said before that the youngest said to me only a couple of years ago when he was 12 , after taking a dump in the toilet, 'you might want to go and clean the toilet as I've left a bit of a mess.' This is what I'm dealing with. (I did not clean his shit btw, I made my husband educate him in the ways of cleaning up his own shit).

I am not a naturally violent person, but if anybody ever said to me, no matter their relationship to me, they'd end up with a toilet brush firmly wedged in their lower colon.

Does your husband actually sit back and allow his children to talk to you in this way?

Because as a previous poster pointed out they will grow up thinking that women will always do this shit for them.

Only women who choose to marry adults like them. Like your DH for example.

@giggly

just to make you feel better, my own dc regularly fill the wash basket up and drink all the milk but as their parent that’s part of family living regardless of age. They do their chores but I do the majority. I don’t understand why you are moaning, surely you just shout out of the kitchen/ study wherever, someone needs to go get milk. Why is it more complicated than that

Did you see the OP's post where she mentioned that the empty carton had been put back in the fridge?

Do you honestly think that people with such a glaring lack of self-awareness or consideration for others would then respond favourably to a suggestion to go and buy more milk? These two don't sound the sort who would put themselves out for anybody else for a second...

*I am not a naturally violent person, but if anybody ever said to me, no matter their relationship to me, they'd end up with a toilet brush firmly wedged in their lower colon.

Does your husband actually sit back and allow his children to talk to you in this way?*

He wasn't in the room at the time, but he did step up and show him what to do (after I had told him in no uncertain terms that the only person's shit I clean up is my own). But in other ways he allows them to be babied.

Thing is it causes friction between us because it's like I'm complaining about them all the time. He doesn't do anything about their lack of helping out (for want of a better word) unless I say something.

"If either of you want more milk, don't forget that the Co-op shuts at 8 tonight. There's some cash in the pot on the dresser."

Job done.

"Do you want to put a wash load on now or this evening? Just checking as I need the machine for my towels."

Job done.

@Jacaranda75

Does it really matter? Just wash them and don't worry about it. There are bigger problems. And you don't want the DSS's to feel unwelcome.

Why on earth should she ?

Guests have tea made for them. Family and friends stick the kettle on. They’re family so they can bung a wash on without having to ask if they can use the washing machine. How does the 21yo get clean pants when he’s at uni?

Has anyone actually asked you to do the washing?

Surely DH can buy milk while he's getting the shampoo.

You're silently seething and looking to martyr yourself. If you want them to act like adults, treat them like such and have an actual conversation with them.