We’re a week into the holidays - it really doesn’t matter which holidays as it’s the same every time - and I’m already fully worn down by the mental load of doing all the thinking for everyone.
DH does do things, but only if asked. He has zero initiative. Every day he’ll ask me what we’re doing and what’s for dinner. Dishwasher, picking up clutter, laundry, kids getting clean; none of these things happen unless I specifically request them. Why am I the guardian of Getting Shit Done?
This isn’t a monster I’ve created and am only now complaining about having to live with either. I do not martyr myself on the pyre of family life. We discuss this regularly, I frequently down tools, and my default response is “I have no idea darling.” It’s not as though he doesn’t know how much it pisses me off. I’m also not a massive clean freak with high standards; I work twice the hours he does during term time (I’m a teacher, he’s a TA) so I don’t have time to be fussy about stuff.
For context he is mildly dyslexic and 100% uses this as an excuse for being disorganised. We have a house full of Alexas to set reminders on for this reason. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a 45 year old man to think for himself but there has been very little progress on this in the two decades we have been together! Obviously his mother did everything for him. When we moved in together he didn’t know how to use a washing machine: she used to come and pick up his laundry from his flat on a Friday and deliver it back again on Sunday 
So the questions are (a) AIBU and should just learn to live with it?
Or (b) am I not BU, but in which case, how do I ‘fix’ this?