To not go to ILs on Christmas day?

[Exhausted18]

We are supposed to be going to ILs house for Xmas. We have 2 DC, including a newborn. Have found out DNiece who will also be there, has a viral illness. AIBU to not want to go with a newborn and risk the baby catching something? PIL are used to having their sons and grandchildren around them and are piling on the pressure, saying DNiece is "practically better now". (She only got sick 2 days ago).

DP is acting off with me now. I'm pissed off and feeling walked over all the time with them. There's backstory there (of course there is..). Im prepared to be told I'm over reacting, but please be kind, I'm having a rough time at the minute and feeling very isolated. Thanks.

If you're in-laws we better people they would be advising you to stay away. Don't take the risk just stay home

Fuck that, and I'm so glad you stood your ground! I really hope that you BIL has had a PCR test done on his DD. Also, I can't believe that he thinks that it's a good idea to take her out to mix with people (unless of course, she's had a negative PCR).

All very well other family members getting shitty with you because they think THEIR wishes trump that of the health of a baby, but they're not the ones who'll be looking after your DC if they catch anything. They can therefore piss right off!!

All of these stories of little babies ending up in hospital are very worrying. Thank you all for sharing and for your kind words and thank you those who think IABU too, I appreciate hearing those thoughts too. BiL said not Covid they had negative pcr tests but it definitely sounds nasty all the same.

To those saying I just don't want to go and implying I don't like them it's really not the case. As I said they live 2 mins away, we see them all the time. They just don't like hearing no and I admit I find then a bit overbearing at times. I'm especially fond of DNiece and was looking forwarding to seeing her open her present from us. I think the offer of having them over on NY if all is well is a good one so I will suggest it. OH can do the cooking though.

Lazy bastarditis made me laugh, thank you for that. I didn't want to get into specifics so apologies for being vague. It's more the various medication he's on then the condition itself, it causes weird sleep behaviours, too much to go into but it culminated with him passing out in a chair while holding him and not waking despite the baby screaming and that was the last straw for me. To be fair he was gutted and very embarrassed and he does pull his weight during during day when he's not at work. He wasn't like this with our first but he was not on medication then, I really don't think he can help it.

If it’s so important for the OP’s household to be there, maybe the poorly niece should stay away? She’s the one causing the problem!

Protect your newborn OP.

We just had ds in the hospital struggling to breathe with a viral infection, there's some nasty ones going round this year hes now on steroids and inhalers. I'd stay home with a baby so young.

Don't go. When DD was 6 months she caught a virus and had to spend a night in hospital, it was horrible. Your inlaws are being selfish.

Having a newborn is, by itself, a good enough reason not to go. But it does sound like a really terrible idea to put your baby at risk when it's so easily avoided. I had a five-week-old baby with colic and a cold (so much less severe than this virus sounds), and it was pure misery. I would do anything necessary to avoid a repeat of that!

After Christmas, when you are feeling stronger, it might be a good idea to have a proper talk to your partner, about how much extra you do to make allowances for him, and how little you feel you get back in the way of support and consideration.

Maybe he can’t help it on the sleep front. Then he should bloody well be supportive of your carrying the load for both of you!

You're the mother of a 5 weeks old baby - exshausted and worried. No, you're not unreasonable - they are. A respiratory virus can be very serious for a newborn while only causing an older child to get a cold. You said your husband is unable to help with the night wakings. That means he should at least support you during the day, not critise you and add to your worries. Do whatever you need, and take care of your children first, not your inlaws. They'll survive.

Definitely don't go! Our nephew got a ' just cold' when he a newborn and ended up in hospital.

What is it with (some) men and putting their family above their own child's safety? Seriously, what the actual fuck?

Tell him to fuck off with a huge bag of clothes.

@TheDrWillSeeYouNow

Its up to you, but babies do need to be exposed to germs to build their immune system. I'm seeing so many toddlers born in lockdown whose parents sanitised absolutely everything, who now started nursery and get sick All The Time as they never got a chance to develop their immune system.

Not at 5 weeks old they don't