To not go to ILs on Christmas day?

[Exhausted18]

We are supposed to be going to ILs house for Xmas. We have 2 DC, including a newborn. Have found out DNiece who will also be there, has a viral illness. AIBU to not want to go with a newborn and risk the baby catching something? PIL are used to having their sons and grandchildren around them and are piling on the pressure, saying DNiece is "practically better now". (She only got sick 2 days ago).

DP is acting off with me now. I'm pissed off and feeling walked over all the time with them. There's backstory there (of course there is..). Im prepared to be told I'm over reacting, but please be kind, I'm having a rough time at the minute and feeling very isolated. Thanks.

If her husband catches it then he's going to pass it on, isn't he?

Ask your partner why he isn't doing everything possible to protect his newborn baby.

I would not go, what if your niece has RSV and your baby gets it and ends up in hospital with Bronchiolitis. They are just the right age for that.

Good luck. I hope you feel able to stick to your instincts.

Well done. Stay strong.

I hate it that families try to guilt trip their relatives into seeing them at Christmas. The health and well being of you and your children is more important than pacifying your in-laws for just one day. Your husband is being selfish in not backing you up.

I agree that if you don't let them walk all over you now you are setting a good example to your children and are creating a strong precedent.

The RSV risk is very real. DD spent 3 weeks in hospital with it when she was a baby.

I remember chasing visitors out of my house when they sniffled (single mum, two newborns). It’was hard dealing with even a cold - their little snotty noses that they can’t blow themselves! Which is just to say - I understand where you are coming from!

Always interested in these scenarios

What’s your relationship generally like with In laws?

Because I’m guessing that even without this situation, you weren’t exactly keen to go!

A newborn baby doesn’t develop the ability to mouth breathe for about 3 months. Colds are much more distressing to them than to us because they don’t breathe through their mouths automatically- they have to start to suffocate due to their blocked noses to trigger the survival instinct to gasp air through the mouth. They do survive, because of the gasp reflex but the constant need to trigger it is distressing and exhausting for them.

@GetOffTheTableMabel I didn’t know that, poor babies.

I used to take my newborn to toddler groups for my first born

The sniffles, coughs etc permeated the room.

So my guess is

You don’t want to go irrespective of this situation

Which is fair enough

But be honest with yourself and your partner

@Fendidntdrake

Can your DP just call on them for a couple of hours?

Why? The virus won't care how long they are there for Their 'wants' do not top trump the need to protect your child from illness They are rude to expect you to go. Most people would expect you to cancel and quite right too

BIL just said "viral" when he called this morning but the poor child had high fever, cough, congestion, refusing to eat and very sore, swollen throat.

WTF!
My initial reaction was it was you were being OTT it was probably a normal toddler cold, stuffy nose and after 5 days would be fine.
But fever, and swollen sore throat, refusing to eat - does her food taste OK? I think I'd be getting them a PCR.

I'll admit to ignoring / relying on lat-flow test what appear to be normal colds but the temperature and food thing would really make me think differently.

Please don't go.

Let your dh know that he is causing you all this distress when really he should be looking out for you. He is meant to love you after all.

You are definitely in the right here. You and your hormones are protecting your newborn. Good job.

I’m staggered that they are bringing such a poorly child out.

If one of mine suffering like this, they’d be tucked up in their own bed on Christmas Day and we would open presents around her bed, and I’d be looking after her for much of the day

Bloody hell, no newborns DO NOT need to ‘build up’ their immune systems by being exposed to horrible and distressing viral illnesses 🙄

My DS had all of these symptoms yesterday (and was sick), so I took him for a PCR test. Until he's better, no way would I let him near anyone vulnerable, so you are definitely not being unreasonable, OP. I'll see how he is today, but planning to cancel my parents coming for Christmas lunch, as it feels too risky. We are also due to go to a hotel in Wales on Boxing Day for 3 nights in order to visit family, but no way would I go if DS still unwell. If necessary, my husband can go on his own!

I'm glad you're staying put. You can visit another time.
Intrigued to know what your partner's illness is that makes him unable to get up at night!
I presume he manages to get out of bed in the morning!

You have a newborn. Even without any illness if you don't want to go out visiting that's absolutely fine.

I wouldn't be visiting someone with your niece's symptoms as an adult right now let alone taking my new baby.

I absolutely would not. There are a lot of children in hospital with RSV that leads to bronchiolitis, and other viral wheezes, at the moment and it's awful for them. I have been in with my daughter half a dozen times these last few months and there's wards of kids struggling with these viruses that you and I wouldn't even notice. Especially when so tiny, they are very vulnerable. I always felt that once they get to three months I could at least give them some calpol when they are poorly, that I relaxed a little bit about illnesses.

Op, did i miss your post explaining your dhs condition as lazy bastarditis?

No way. Protect your newborn.

Why on earth is your BIL planning on taking a sick child anywhere???

You’re doing the right thing, well done you for acting responsibly. 🌻🌻🌻

A friend of mine had a newborn in the SCBU recently after having caught a cold. Luckily he’s fine now but it wasn’t fun for her.

You hunker down OP with your baby. It might be pleasant for you if he does go on his own for a while. Merry Christmas.

Maybe offer to go out for a walk? But decline the offer to go in their house.