To not go to ILs on Christmas day?

[Exhausted18]

We are supposed to be going to ILs house for Xmas. We have 2 DC, including a newborn. Have found out DNiece who will also be there, has a viral illness. AIBU to not want to go with a newborn and risk the baby catching something? PIL are used to having their sons and grandchildren around them and are piling on the pressure, saying DNiece is "practically better now". (She only got sick 2 days ago).

DP is acting off with me now. I'm pissed off and feeling walked over all the time with them. There's backstory there (of course there is..). Im prepared to be told I'm over reacting, but please be kind, I'm having a rough time at the minute and feeling very isolated. Thanks.

It doesn't sound like your DN is particularly well either ATM from the description of her symptoms, certainly more than a sniffly cold and should perhaps be kept at home for her own sake too. Wouldn't be taking a newborn, YANBU.

But that's how corona has been presenting? Sore throat and cough? Has she done a pcr?

How selfish and awful op.

Trust your instincts it's what has kept the human race going for however long.

I never understood the rush to cover a new born baby in germs.

Please don't go, OP.

If your DH wants to go that's his choice, but when he returns don't let him anywhere near your newborn until he has showered and changed his clothes.

You can visit in the New Year or whenever DN is better.

Seems your ILs haven't heard that we are in a pandemic

Trust your instincts and stay home. You won’t enjoy it if you are worried about your baby catching the virus and then getting ill.

if your partner is off with you, then be Eff off with him. What is it with this "Grandparents get their way" thing?

It being Christmas Day is not a forcefield against viruses being passed on so DP /PILs are being ridiculous.

Zero chance I would take a newborn nor DCs to a get together with someone's child who has a stonking "virus"
Covid or any other virus that includes fever and respiratory symptoms can be very serious in newborns

Just out of curiosity
how she's been diagnosed with just "a virus" ?.. , GPs don't ring up over and say "oh that's not a cold it's a virus", especially as her symptoms also sound suspiciously like omicron .., and are covid enough with cough to trigger PCR test.

5 weeks is so young and to have colic as well! Even without the worry of DN’s viral illness you’d be completely within your rights for not going just on the basis that having a newborn is an incredible amount of work.
Not to mention it’s quite hard to get a GP or hospital appointment right now and A&E is rammed. If your DC did get poorly it’d be terrible having to wait in line at Christmas.

I imagine DH is feeling a lot of pressure to go from his parents but it’s important for him to back you up on this and he should be doing so.

I’d say don’t go, just say sorry but you’re exhausted / DC already has colic and you’ll have to take a rain-check for another year.

I think having a 5 week old that is not sleeping would be a perfect reason to not be going anywhere for Xmas. Now add in the virus, plus we know the hospitals are stretched and there is another virus doing the rounds. Forget it.

If they are very local cold you meet up with them for a walk in the morning or afternoon?

Could you all meet up on News Years Day for lunch instead? DN should be better by then.

* BIL said viral ... high fever, cough, congestion, refusing to eat and very sore, swollen throat.*

Two of three covid symptoms

• omicron runny nose, sore throat and loss of appetite

To be honest whether covid or any other virus - it'd be dangerous to expose so small a newborn to that and why would you want either of your Other young DCs to be exposed and then share it with their new baby sibling

Your BIL is a terrible & selfish parent to take his DD that ill to mix with others for the sake of a day. She should be wrapped up at home in comfort . Your whole family could do Xmas mark 2 in a weeks time when she's better., or zoom call in for xmas meal

Your DP is an idiot - If he goes on the day , I'd suggest he stays at ILs afterwards for a while so not to share whatever virus it was... !!

I wouldn't be going anywhere with a newborn on Christmas Day, virus or not!
Why not invite them to yours on Boxing Day instead (without niece!)?

Few issues here - risk of your new baby getting ill

Dh isn't supporting you. You are being guilt tripped by in laws.
Dh is being mean since he doesn't fo the night wakings so you will be left up at night and dealing with a poorly baby in the daytime.

Stay put. Keep the boundaries.

Don’t go. My DD4 had all these symptoms 2 weeks ago and was utterly miserable. She only managed to eat a bowl of ice cream in 2 days as her throat/tonsils were so sore and swollen. I took her for a PCR test which came back negative. It took her a few days to feel better. Thankfully my 9mo didn’t catch it but it would be horrendous for a newborn! And to the pp blaming lockdowns and parents sanitising everything for poorly toddlers at the moment, there have been so many bugs going round that most kids seem to be catching something most weeks. DD has had 2 weeks since September where she hasn’t been ill and she has been at nursery (with all its germs) since 7 months! It’s nothing to do with sanitising, it’s a year of distancing meaning that immunity is lowered compared to normal.

I was blase about viruses and newborns until my then 3 day old ds2 caught a cold from one of his sibling's friends. He developed bronchiolitis and spent the next week in an oxygen box in hospital, he subsequently suffered from viral wheeze then asthma throughout his childhood.

It is seriously not worth the risk.

I am so so glad you have decided to say “fuck that” and stay home. You sound exhausted - a lovely, cosy, easy Christmas at home is just what you need! Plus if what the kid has is this really hideous cold that is going around then you want to do all you can to avoid it. It’s def not Covid (we’ve had pcr tests done) but it is the worst we have ever ever felt! And nothing seems to really help - eg paracetamol doesn't touch the sides!

Hope you have a lovely chilled time with your little family.

I can't believe your in laws are planning to take their dd out of the house at all. Pandemic or not, she should be kept at home not out and about spreading germs. How selfish and inconsiderate.

Has she been PCR tested?

Your BIL is a terrible & selfish parent to take his DD that ill to mix with others for the sake of a day. She should be wrapped up at home in comfort . Your whole family could do Xmas mark 2 in a weeks time when she's better., or zoom call in for xmas meal

Exactly what I was thinking. She needs to be at home in her own bed, poor thing. OP, no way would I be going and your husband is very selfish, even more so given that all of the work falls to you. What fun if the children became ill, but it would make no difference to him.

@FluffMagnet

Absolutely not being unreasonable OP. I had a cold this year when I had DS (definitely just a cold too, as confirmed by the multiple PCRs I had to take before and at hospital!) that I picked up from DD. I was not as ill as your DN either, and was on about day 7 or 8 of the virus at birth. DS ended up spending his second week of life back in hospital suffering from bronchiolitis, and I had been breastfeeding. It was bloody horrific. I can't believe relatives are willing to risk this with a newborn, especially the father!

Oh gosh we had exactly the same! I hope your DS is well recovered now. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fear of seeing my newborn being intubated because they had repeatedly stopped breathing and the lower levels of intervention had stopped working. Thankfully all ok now but it could so easily have gone the other way.

There is a lot of RSV going round young children this year as the lockdowns last year stopped it circulating. It can be extremely serious for young children, especially tiny babies. It’s possible to be contagious with RSV even after symptoms have cleared (I think the usual timeframe is 10 days for illness of which your infectious for 3-8 days but can be several weeks in certain circumstances).

Glad to hear you’ve decided to stay home with your children. It might be worth showing your husband the effects of RSV and bronchiolitis so he understands the seriousness of respiratory illnesses in tiny babies.

Wondering if the condition that makes it impossible for DH to get up at night is being the proud owner of a penis in a house where there is another adult in the house without one.
for you OP.

I have a similar issue to you OP ..not with a baby though and I totally understand the pressure you are feeling. I was the spawn of satan yesterday for asking a simple question (health relted and vitally important) and the tantrums and tears and stomping and shit yes down right shit I recieved was honestly so upsetting and shameful, My advice do whts right for you,for your little one believe in yourself and your own instincts, Happy Christmaas to you though I bet it doesnt feel like it much if you have it coming at you from all sides as I have and congratulations on your new arrival,

I think when you have a new baby there's a strong biological urge to stay home and nest. You also sound understandably knackered. There's nothing wrong with that, are arrange an alternative date and enjoy a quiet Xmas at home.

I’ll never forget the Christmas I met up with my family and my niece arrived with vomiting and diarrhoea.
We knew nothing about her being unwell until the first puke. Then her parents confessed she had a bug.
Unfortunately we were due to go on holiday 2 days later and all caught it too. Our holiday was completely ruined!

Absolutely don't go.
Protect your baby.

OP, sort out your contraception you have had enough children with this waster whose medical condition 🙄prevents him getting up at night.

I'd LOVE to know the name of this condition?

Have NEVER heard of one that means you can't get up at night.

Does that mean he can't go to the loo at night too?

Waster.

Mind yourself.