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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give free stuff to people who can’t even say please

87 replies

Iwasintoyou · 22/12/2021 15:26

Giving away some free items brand new but thought as it was near christmas I would help people out. Woman commented is this available. I said yes she then said I can pick up tonight. Aibu to not want to give it to her dh thinks I am personally think please doesn’t cost anything and makes a difference.

OP posts:

Hesma · 22/12/2021 15:29

Totally agree with you, some people are rude and grabby

Ossoduro · 22/12/2021 15:31

I wouldn’t give it to her, i can’t stand the way people communicate when you try and give free stuff away. Free stuff seems to attract the rude people. I’ve taken to listing things that I want to give away for a nominal amount - say £3 - £5. I find the entitled people who can’t say please don’t seem to want to pay anything. Then when a polite person arrives to fetch it you can still give it for free.

Doodledeedum · 22/12/2021 15:33

If this is on FB marketplace then 'is this available' is an automatic button to show interest.
Obviously any further convo could be more polite but then up to you who you give it to.

WhyMeLord · 22/12/2021 15:36

Not terribly polite but then again, if it was worth anything to you you wouldn’t be giving it away for free. Think of her as doing you a favour by taking the item off your hands at her own expense.

Personally I’d always say please but I think in this scenario it’s more hassle to you for the sake of teaching her a lesson ie saying no but still advertising it as available then others asking what’s going on then thinking you’re a mental for objecting to her “rudeness” I couldn’t be bothered with all that. I prioritise my easy life over almost all things.

LuckyAmy1986 · 22/12/2021 15:37

I wouldn't give it to her either!

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/12/2021 15:40

You can give it or not give it to whoever you want.

It does seem.a bit odd though that there are conditions attached to something that's free amd supposedly first come first served.

I mean ultimately its doing u a favour ( you no longer have to have it cluttering up your place or take a trip to the tip) as much as it's doing them a favour.

I mean yeah I'd not be rude to anyone there's no need but then I.work.with the public so if I refused to serve anyone who didn't say please or thank you we'd have alot fewer customers.

I dont think you are unreasonable fir hoping people might be polite.

Sadly you are a little U for expecting strangers to behave in a way you wouod like/expect/impose as an unknown condition

That just doesn't happen unfortunately

Cofifeefee · 22/12/2021 15:40

It's up to you who you give it to. If I wanted to get rid of something, I would give it to the first person that could pick it up but if you would prefer to spend your time deciding on the character of the person, you're free to do so.

ignatiusjreilly · 22/12/2021 15:42

Think of her as doing you a favour by taking the item off your hands at her own expense.

I don't understand this way of thinking. She is not doing OP a favour. OP could just stick it in the bin, but instead she is trying to do something nice and help someone in need.

SmallElephant · 22/12/2021 15:43

The thing is that lots of people need to get rid of stuff when they do a clear out. Even if it's free, it's also sort of doing you a favour if you are trying to de clutter and just want it gone.

toconclude · 22/12/2021 15:45

@ignatiusjreilly

Think of her as doing you a favour by taking the item off your hands at her own expense.

I don't understand this way of thinking. She is not doing OP a favour. OP could just stick it in the bin, but instead she is trying to do something nice and help someone in need.

Depends on the size. I couldn't have put the bookcase I Freecycled in the bin!

Josette77 · 22/12/2021 15:45

I think you are being a bit petty.
The first one is what marketplace sends, and other than that I'm just thrilled when stuff is picked up.
She might be in a hard place and not thinking straight..

Suzanne999 · 22/12/2021 15:48

100% agree with you. I offer stuff on local Freecycle and a polite please, thank you means that person gets offered my stuff.

Icantfindmykeys · 22/12/2021 15:53

My Asda shop arrived with my Turkey. It was meant to be fresh but about a quarter of it is frozen solid. I tried explaining to their customer service who can’t grasp my concern.
Am I right that I either have to freeze the whole thing now or it will go off if the part that is frozen is defrosted and sits in the fridge for 5 days. I thought you had to cook meat within 24hrs if it has defrosted??
I’ve 4 vulnerable adults to Christmas lunch and I’m frightened to chance it.

Goldilocks99 · 22/12/2021 16:02

This is absolutely standard FB marketplace speak. The first is a template. The second practical.
PettP. Petty. Petty.
Although if you are going to bail out have the guts to say why. Otherwise she'll be nomorethe wiser that it was some kind of weird moral test she failed.

Snoken · 22/12/2021 16:16

I would not care in the slightest if there was a please in there or not. I am trying to get rod of something, someone is willing to come to my house and collect it. Win, win as far as I am concerned. It could also be a person from a different cultural background, some are just much more direct.

Itsmybaby · 22/12/2021 16:23

I wouldn’t give it her personally

solania · 22/12/2021 16:23

@Doodledeedum

If this is on FB marketplace then 'is this available' is an automatic button to show interest. Obviously any further convo could be more polite but then up to you who you give it to.

You can change the automatic FB marketplace reply to your own customised version. I did that ages ago to something more polite than the standard! OP YANBU

jpbee · 22/12/2021 16:28

It wouldn't really bother me, but I've probably got used to it at work (email communication with language barriers). I'd still let them have it,

ToffeeNotCoffee · 22/12/2021 16:29

Think of her as doing you a favour by taking the item off your hands at her own expense.

Yet another thread about people not being grateful enough for free stuff being given way.

Yet another, 'eye roll' from me.

On Freecycle people always say please and thank you. Just a polite, 'is this available' is enough for me. They inevitably say thanks.

I've even had a couple of people follow up their collection of the item to say how pleased they are with it.

a nice gentleman's watch which only works in daylight (yes really, don't ask) I made this clear. The man's wife told me how pleased he was with it after he had collected it. I like it because it came from one old man (my Dad) to another old man.

an old t.v. that a Dad wanted for his son to play games on. He drove a 30 mile round trip to collect it and was really pleased to have it.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 22/12/2021 16:30

I only do this is no-one polite responds. I don't want to waste stuff so will give it to a rude person rather than put it in the bin but it does irk that some people have not learnt basic manners.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 22/12/2021 16:32

I agree with you OP. I always give preference to the people who say please and thank you. They also tend to be the ones who message afterwards to say thank you. It means a lot.

Walkacrossthesand · 22/12/2021 16:36

Oh dear, I suspect I've been unintentionally rude in FB marketplace transactions! The tone of my messages is friendly and doesn't assume that the lister will give/sell it to me, but I'm not sure that the word 'please' itself, makes a huge difference.

For me it's more about saying 'when would it be convenient for me to collect it ' rather than 'I'll come & collect it tonight'...

CrumpledCrumpet · 22/12/2021 16:36

I tend to find the people who can’t be bothered being polite can’t be bothered showing up.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/12/2021 16:39

Yes, the first response is a template/ button

The second is rude though. “Can I pick it up tonight?” Is already so much better than “I can pick it up tonight” - she’s just assumed you’re happy to give to to her and will be in tonight!

TyrannosaurusRegina · 22/12/2021 16:48

I agree with you OP. I'd rather a polite person got ahead in life ie got favoured, than a rude person. I'd rather just bin the item tbh than give it away to someone with no manners.

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