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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give free stuff to people who can’t even say please

87 replies

Iwasintoyou · 22/12/2021 15:26

Giving away some free items brand new but thought as it was near christmas I would help people out. Woman commented is this available. I said yes she then said I can pick up tonight. Aibu to not want to give it to her dh thinks I am personally think please doesn’t cost anything and makes a difference.

OP posts:
Yogaandcocoa · 22/12/2021 18:28

I was also going to say the "is this available?" message is a standard message on Facebook.

But otherwise I agree with you.

I listed an item worth less than £10 on Facebook marketplace Abbas some people were so rude or asking for it for silly amounts and saying they planned to give it to someone needy.

The thing is if I knew if someone who could use the item I'd give it to them but on principle didn't fancy giving it to these cheeky people.

lanthanum · 22/12/2021 18:43

@Doodledeedum

If this is on FB marketplace then 'is this available' is an automatic button to show interest. Obviously any further convo could be more polite but then up to you who you give it to.
Maybe FB marketplace could provide an "is this available, please?" button!
StarfishDish · 22/12/2021 18:49

I'm always polite but find some sellers can be rude too! This was a conversation I had...

Hi, is this still available please? 😊
Ye.
Could I have it then, please? 😊
Ye.
What is your address please?
Gave postcode
Are you available at the weekend?
Ye.

I gave up after that and messaged 'I'm really sorry but my husband managed to get one. Sorry to waste your time.' to which they responded 'No worries. Thanks for letting me know.'

🙈

Yogaandcocoa · 22/12/2021 18:56

@StarfishDish

I'm always polite but find some sellers can be rude too! This was a conversation I had...

Hi, is this still available please? 😊
Ye.
Could I have it then, please? 😊
Ye.
What is your address please?
Gave postcode
Are you available at the weekend?
Ye.

I gave up after that and messaged 'I'm really sorry but my husband managed to get one. Sorry to waste your time.' to which they responded 'No worries. Thanks for letting me know.'

🙈

Having only sold one thing on marketplace, I got lots of messages and many of them were time wasters so I can kind of understand but I also found this with some sellers.
Liervik · 22/12/2021 18:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Icantfindmykeys · 22/12/2021 19:05

So sorry ! I realised after I’d posted!!

megletthesecond · 22/12/2021 19:07

Yanbu.
I only acknowledge and offer to people capable of asking in a complete, polite sentence. They're the ones who don't muck me around.

Cyw2018 · 22/12/2021 19:12

@Liervik

I had a woman very politely ask me for a pram I just wanted to be rid of, she ended up getting all the baby stuff I didn't need, dropped off to her house because she doesn't drive. Manners cost nothing, they may be doing you a favour, but you are still helping them out. If I ask for free stuff on FB I ask "is this still available please" it takes 2 seconds. Although I'd probably leave it a few hours and see if you get anyone else interested.
I always put "collection only, I will not deliver or meet up" on my posts now.

However, the only time I have delivered was a cosleeper cot, because it is an essential piece of baby equipment (and was big and taking up valuable space in my house) therefore I was more than happy to deliver it locally. She also asked politely.

The one thing that drives me mad is when I put the full postcode in the advert and then get asked "where are you?", surely if they have a computer or phone to use Facebook then they also have Google maps.

Goldilocks99 · 22/12/2021 19:16

The one thing that drives me mad is when I put the full postcode in the advert and then get asked "where are you?", surely if they have a computer or phone to use Facebook then they also have Google maps.
It's hard to get back to the original and once you have started a message if you are not on the ap. Have confirmed this with other buyers and sellers.

Goldilocks99 · 22/12/2021 19:16

Original ad*

Ilovesandwiches · 22/12/2021 19:25

Manners cost Nothing!

coffeetofunction · 22/12/2021 19:28

Manors cost nothing....

Lokdok · 22/12/2021 19:35

@Whatwouldscullydo

You can give it or not give it to whoever you want.

It does seem.a bit odd though that there are conditions attached to something that's free amd supposedly first come first served.

I mean ultimately its doing u a favour ( you no longer have to have it cluttering up your place or take a trip to the tip) as much as it's doing them a favour.

I mean yeah I'd not be rude to anyone there's no need but then I.work.with the public so if I refused to serve anyone who didn't say please or thank you we'd have alot fewer customers.

I dont think you are unreasonable fir hoping people might be polite.

Sadly you are a little U for expecting strangers to behave in a way you wouod like/expect/impose as an unknown condition

That just doesn't happen unfortunately

Such an odd mentality. Giving things away is a kindness, charity. You are not doing a favour when you take it off their hands! They could sell it for the same amount of hassle, or give it to charity shop or chuck it out which would be easier for them. How horribly ungrateful.
KirstenBlest · 22/12/2021 19:39

@coffeetofunction

Manors cost nothing....
If only...
Ohdofuckoffcovid · 22/12/2021 19:42

I hate it when they say, I’ll have that, no please or thank you

ToffeeNotCoffee · 22/12/2021 22:30

*1) most of the free stuff where I live is obviously people trying to avoid huge haulage costs to get rid of the item (Garden sod, old fences/gates, old sofas, old bed frames etc... worth nothing). If they are helping you out by taking something you need rid of without costing you money they don't need to throw yourself at their feet and beg.

  1. You are lucky enough to be in a position of giving something worth money away because you can afford to as a charity act. If you are doing it for this reason expecting anything back (even just to pick and choose people based on what you decide should be 'suitable' behavior) means your hearts are in the wrong place and you are only doing it to lord your power/privilege over others and make yourself feel better.*

This^

hibbledibble · 22/12/2021 23:00

Yanbu. Manners should be compulsory, whether something is free or not.

It's rediculous how hard it is sometimes giving away good items for free.

Thwackit · 22/12/2021 23:26

@Cyw2018

Tried to give away a pair of really lovely DrMarten boots that needed resoling but didn't fit me comfortably after pregnancy... This is what followed...

I did manage to eventually give them to someone pleasant and capable of using basic manners.

What the actual…I mean, that’s outrageous!
TheVolturi · 23/12/2021 07:52

I hate this too. I usually reply along the lines of, I'm not sure if you are new to the site, but the rules are that when requesting an item you are polite and courteous!

Goldilocks99 · 23/12/2021 08:42

@TheVolturi

I hate this too. I usually reply along the lines of, I'm not sure if you are new to the site, but the rules are that when requesting an item you are polite and courteous!
You sound charming. You get a thank you when they come and take it away. Let them eat cake, but also be pointlessly unnaturally polite first. FB marketplace doesn't have a please in the auto message. They set the tone. If you don't like it take it up with them. Oh please can I have your old junk magnanimous radiant lady?
CallMeRachel · 24/12/2021 02:41

I think manners or lack of is a generational thing.
Mid 30’s downwards don’t seem to see the need for any imo.
I choose who I give things to. Rude people don’t get. It should be a life lesson but the Penny never seems to drop…yanbu

Goldilocks99 · 24/12/2021 11:16

So many time waster sellers on FB marketplace. They don't get a please till we're past the template stage.
Of you want to teach people a lesson, you have to inform them what you are doing, sellers and buyers flake so often you're message will not be clear.
This endless thankery is pointless, it's embarrassing. There was a thread the other day where a mum was cross that her child's sports coach gave an in person thank you to her child for a thank you present, rather than a note or text.
What's next, a thank you note for a thank you note?
Please realise how unnecessary all the angst is. One thank you suffices. Thank you.

Goldilocks99 · 24/12/2021 11:17

*your.

NandorTheRelentless · 24/12/2021 11:22

@StarfishDish

I'm always polite but find some sellers can be rude too! This was a conversation I had...

Hi, is this still available please? 😊
Ye.
Could I have it then, please? 😊
Ye.
What is your address please?
Gave postcode
Are you available at the weekend?
Ye.

I gave up after that and messaged 'I'm really sorry but my husband managed to get one. Sorry to waste your time.' to which they responded 'No worries. Thanks for letting me know.'

🙈

What's wrong with that? They answered your questions
BorderlineHappy · 24/12/2021 11:49

We have a usually lovely group for the area
A woman put up a post and asked for boys trousers.
I had about 6 pairs with tags still on them and I offered them.
She didn't drive and it was a bit of a trek for her.

So I agreed to drop them down,
She never turned up,never rang me.

Turns you off helping people.