Why would you pretend to be poor?

[Sndhehjzugwvs]

Someone recently disclosed to us their annual income. This was done very intentionally to make a point that they were struggling financially... This worried and concerned us.

We have been head scratching as to why they told us this because they absolutely know we do not have spare funds given our income.

Fast forward a couple of months and we find out that they have released very high six figure sum towards a business venture.

Why do some people play the poverty card when they are clearly anything but poor? Sadly, I bet we are not alone in knowing people like this.

We cannot fathom the reason for this disclosure. To be honest, we found it a bit sickening given the concern it caused us when in fact they are clearly more than ok financially. It is true: there is nowt so strange as folk!

We have some family members who are genuinely struggling financially and this false plea of poverty is just horrible when we know the reality of people who ARE struggling.

Why on earth do people not think before causing others unnecessary worry!

Wishing all a peaceful Christmas and a lighter, smile-filled 2022.

@BoredZelda. You have not read the thread properly it would appear. I have no funds at all to help but worry we certainly did.

@RoyalFamilyFan

Why would anyone think you would give them money? Surely people who are not family who ask for money are people you want to avoid?

Trust me, people expect it when they think you've got it.

Because they have limited cash...outcomes and Incomings. Dont judge someone till you walked in their shoes

@ttcpatronisers then I would want to be honest to identify those people and get rid of them.

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@ttcpatronisers then I would want to be honest to identify those people and get rid of them.[/quote]
Honestly, I think it's the majority of people.

As in, they expect you to get the round of drinks and just expect things they wouldn't if they thought you earned the same as them.

Or if Theres a crisis you're the one they come to first to 'borrow' money

I wonder if they were about to ask you for a loan and realised that you wouldn’t be able to afford it either, perhaps someone else has lent them the money after seeing how little they earn and they’ve used it towards a business.

@ttcpatronisers you are wrong. The village my in-laws live in has multi-millionaires and people like my family earning low wages. No one expects that.

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@ttcpatronisers you are wrong. The village my in-laws live in has multi-millionaires and people like my family earning low wages. No one expects that.[/quote]
How would you know?! You can't really speak for everyone else.

@RoyalFamilyFan it's also down to where you are from and circumstances/upbringing - that is what can bring a sense of entitlement to some people.

Also who you surround with/social circles etc will impact on the issues experiences in a situation like that

@ttcpatronisers okay, none of my extended family would.
I have a friend who has well over a million in assets. In our crowd, I have never known anyone expects her to buy for others.

A friend of mine grew up with incredible privilege and has re-written the narrative of their youth to fit in with some kind of "common people" complex. I've known them and their family for decades, but newer friends all believe they grew up in real hardship and marvel at how well they've done for themselves. It is such a strange fiction, but I don't feel it's my place to say anything.

[quote ChiefWiggumsBoy]@MrsLarry

Maybe you should read the first line of the OP again. These people are making it OP’s business.

I hate this type of person, and the type of person that justifies it even more.

“Capital is different to income”

Yes I think we all know this. But how dare a person who makes a choice to not liquidate assets compare themselves to a person living in literal poverty? The single mum who struggles to heat the house and feed the kids isn’t the same as the couple who made a choice to invest 80% of their income and now find themselves short of pennies at the end of the month.

It is crass. There was a person on a thread recently insisting that her and her husband who earned the better part of £200k a year were just existing - later posts she admitted she’s putting the max into pensions and other investments. Quite easy to change those things. But poor people can’t cut back anywhere to improve quality of life[/quote]
Very well said.

Released funds means they may have (re)mortgaged or otherwise secured a business loan against their assets eg house, and possible have a loan on top of that. This may be the best or only way of them earning a living.

I know various folks who have started some small and medium sized businesses in the last few years, and it's not easy. One person in particular had to make a significant investment in their new business after having been made redundant in the same industry. Another invests most of what they make in better equipment to grow the business. In both cases, day to day, they have to have the mindset that their personal expenses are frugal, because they are income poor and the business may need further funds injecting into it.

It's risky, people have to be very careful when they do this and a lot of other people don't understand this, see their car or their nice house etc and assume.

I don't know about pretending to be poor, but most people don't know and would not be able to tell my husband and I both have six figure incomes, we both pay quite a bit into pensions and overpay our mortgage, but we are not flash, we do not engage in conspicuous consumption etc. Someone might guess we earn £100k between us but the figure is three times that. My brother earns £400-500k a year, only a few people (me, my husband, our mum and two of his friends) have any idea what he earns. Again outwardly you might think he earned good money, but he pays into pension and investments, he overpays his mortgage, but he drives a ten year old car, wears normal clothes, doesn't go on expensive holidays, or go out and be flash etc. I am sure when he moves in a year his wealth will be a bit more obvious, but he will still go down the pub with friends, wearing Levis jeans and a no brand T-shirt and no-one would have a clue.

Now the why is because being a high earner makes some other people act oddly, it encourages hangers on, some people get jealous or entitled, they treat you differently because you have a comfortable income. There is also very little need to discuss money most of the time, it would seem crass to go around telling people one was a high earner when there is no need. Though I know that neither, my husband, my brother nor I would claim poverty, but neither would we make proclamations of our income.

@Faretheewellmyfairyfay of course we understand this, we are not stupid. People borrow against their house and/or take on debts to secure a better future. Whether it is to start or invest in a business. or study, or move across the world. It really isn't rocket science.
But it is still a choice being able to do that.

. Though I know that neither, my husband, my brother nor I would claim poverty, but neither would we make proclamations of our income.

Exactly this

@MatildaIThink I have zero issue with people not discussing income or wealth. It is when people lie I think there is an issue.
I think a lot of people don't really pay attention to other people anyway, they are too focused on themselves. I do pay attention. So while I don't know peoples levels of income unless they volunteer it, and I don't need to know, I can see when people are fine financially, when they are not, and when they are struggling but pretending not to. And plenty of people with money dont do conspicuous consumption. But they also rarely cut their own hair or go to the absolute cheapest hairdresser or buy ASDA clothes. And if they have money and do these things, then they are always very obviously mean.

For me, it would entirely depend on the context. I've known some very wealthy people who presented themselves as somewhat struggling because they had been taken advantage of so often that they preferred not to have it happen again. Others who did not want to be befriended simply for status. Some had plenty of assets, but were cash poor. And a few who were just plain mean-spirited.

But why present themselves as struggling? Most people do not present themselves as struggling. It is not the norm to do that. Most people don't talk about what they earn.

@MatildaIThink
My DH has earned serious money over the years and we decided to enjoy it. I simply don’t care if anyone thinks we are flash! We have substantial savings, several properties and very nice cars and used to have wonderful holidays, pre covid. I like my clothes and my jewellery. We have extensive savings portfolios. But…….

The key isn’t what you have. It’s what sort of person you are. We have had the same friends for 40 plus years. They clearly know we have more assets than them but that doesn’t make us awful people or not worthy of friendship! It’s all about valuing people as people, not what they have or indeed choose to hide. Who cares if you have diamond earrings or overpay the mortgage. We don’t have one! Personally I preferred the earrings but no one ever thought that was an issue regarding friendships.

@TizerorFizz that is how it is in my friendship group.
TBH there are users of people however much money you have. I have seen those people and people on MN talk about it all the time. It is a life skill to identify and stay away from those people.

I think you simply know who is genuine in the end. Friendship isn’t about money.,

I think differences in money can cause issues as not everyone can afford to do the same things. But as long as you are all sensitive and willing to be flexible it is fine. The issues arise if those with money absolutely refuse for example to go anywhere except expensive restaurants.

@ttcpatronisers I’m in a similar situation. It was better when no one nice talked about money.

I'm not sure if them telling you their low income was to make you worry about them, unless they were actually saying things like we can't afford to eat / pay the rent?