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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would you pretend to be poor?

188 replies

Sndhehjzugwvs · 22/12/2021 10:14

Someone recently disclosed to us their annual income. This was done very intentionally to make a point that they were struggling financially... This worried and concerned us.

We have been head scratching as to why they told us this because they absolutely know we do not have spare funds given our income.

Fast forward a couple of months and we find out that they have released very high six figure sum towards a business venture.

Why do some people play the poverty card when they are clearly anything but poor? Sadly, I bet we are not alone in knowing people like this.

We cannot fathom the reason for this disclosure. To be honest, we found it a bit sickening given the concern it caused us when in fact they are clearly more than ok financially. It is true: there is nowt so strange as folk!

We have some family members who are genuinely struggling financially and this false plea of poverty is just horrible when we know the reality of people who ARE struggling.

Why on earth do people not think before causing others unnecessary worry!

Wishing all a peaceful Christmas and a lighter, smile-filled 2022.

OP posts:
Alarmset · 22/12/2021 15:29

No one I know realised how comfortably off I am. They know I have a decent job and can probably guess at the salary, but I bet they don't realised how high it is and they definitely don't know that my mortgage is paid off and I have substantial investments.

It's not that I'm pretending to be poor and incertianly don't want anything from anyone, I keep it to myself because it's none of their business, but also because many of my circle aren't as sorted and I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Suzanne999 · 22/12/2021 15:31

@Shiningpath

Income is different from capital.
Exactly. I have a small income & I’m happy with that. Would look paltry to many but my outgoings are low. Capital ( proceeds of business sale, bigger house sale after DH died) is squirrelled away for grandchildren or any emergencies in my life or DDs and families.
MintJulia · 22/12/2021 15:37

I was taught not to discuss income with anyone except my boss and the tax man. Bad manners. Certainly not family since it comes across either as boasting or a begging bowl.

I'm as vague as possible with new friends too.

But remember people's perception and reference points are different. I think I am comfortable. My SIL would regard me as poor if she knew. Everyone's idea of wealth is different.

oftenbaffled · 22/12/2021 15:58

What about this scenario
Very common

Property rich i.e substantial equity due to low property prices years ago
low income

So they could have been absolutely correct. The did have a low income. They then released the equity in order to start a business venture, presumably in an attempt to increase their income.

I highly doubt you were very worried about them, given you starting this thread

oftenbaffled · 22/12/2021 16:03

If you didn't doubt them originally when they said their low income

Presumably... they drive an old banger, never holiday, never spend on jewellery and treats etc

So it supports idea they released equity in an attempt to incresase their income

Supersimkin2 · 22/12/2021 16:10

Mean and/or greedy.

Either way, it’s your wallet they’re most interested in.

DrSbaitso · 22/12/2021 16:10

Context really matters.

DrSbaitso · 22/12/2021 16:14

@WowIlikereallyhateyou

I prefer people to think i am doing just about ok. I have a thriving business, and we jointly have a very high income,but I certainly wouldnt want my customers knowing that. I wouldn’t want to alienate anyone for sure.
May I ask what the business is? I would have thought customers would feel reassured that they're dealing with a business that's doing well, but I guess there might be some exceptions.
CouncilHousedAndViolentBaby · 22/12/2021 16:15

@middleager

Jarvis Cocker said it best: "because you think that poor is cool."

Some people with decent incomes - and I see it on here all the time - like to plead poverty when they are comfortably off! Maybe to fit in/pretend they are "one of us."

This
OnGoldenPond · 22/12/2021 16:18

Possibly they are funding this business venture with a specific loan which can only be spent on the activity specified in their application? The funds would certainly not be available for day to day spending and they have possibly added every penny of their savings towards getting this venture off the ground.

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 22/12/2021 16:58

DrSbaitso , my business is in healthcare. I wouldn’t want to alienate people and I think there is a difference between looking confidently professional and being seen to show off, for example i visit people in their homes and have a new, quality car,but not showy. I had a loan vehicle once, which was high end, and was immediately asked by some about its cost. Some people see it as doing well, some sadly view it negatively. You can’t win them all, so better to go with the middle ground in my opinion.

EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad · 22/12/2021 17:00

I thought this thread was going to be about that time multi millionaire Xenia got caught larping as a poor person 😂

Original poster
Sndhehjzugwvs · 22/12/2021 17:07

Gosh what a lot of replies. Thank you. Am working my way through catching up. They have released funds from investments apparently. Not investing in a business they run. And to those who have doubted how concerned we were about their financial position, you are just plain wrong.

OP posts:
JisForJellyfish · 22/12/2021 17:17

You hear it on mumsnet too. People saying they 'only' make 50k a year etc. Try being on minimum wage. Seems quite common in the middle class. Very good wages and pretending they're not! I can only assume if they think that's the bottom of the food chain, people on lower incomes don't qualify as real people, probably deserve to be poor and isn't quite the same as their situation of just not having as much as they'd like. I've noticed on mumsnet they usually point out they're university educated, probably to point out they don't deserve such a 'low' income.
I don't know anyone like this in real life, or not that I know of anyway.

Grenlei · 22/12/2021 17:18

I used to know someone who was always saying they had no money, couldn't afford to heat their home, struggled to replace DC shoes/ uniform, couldn't afford to run a car, you get the picture.

I knew they worked FT, but from what was said it was clear only earned a modest sum, and most of that went on rent (due to living in London). I didn't give them money luckily but did give some nice Christmas presents, cosmetics I knew they couldn't afford as money was tight.

Then I found out they were a higher rate taxpayer earning more than I did. And they were living rent free as the property was owned by a family member. So that was £60k a year they had coming in, didn't stop them crying poverty though.

I am now VERY sceptical of anyone with a financial sob story.

oftenbaffled · 22/12/2021 17:20

I supposed sceptical

Because if was really worried about a friend’s financial circumstance, and you are clearly very close if you really were very worried! And then…
If they told me they’d released an investment to invest in a business venture…. I would be over the moon for them.

Whereas you just seem thoroughly pissed off

Chunkymonkey13 · 22/12/2021 17:22

This is my parents, they came from frugal parents themselves and then we didn’t have a lot of money when I was young. By the time I was a teenager my dad had a few promotions and mum was working so very middle class but they still act like they don’t have a lot of money.

Storminamu · 22/12/2021 17:25

Tight, and have no concern for those who actually are poor. I talked to a woman recently who said that she was "not wealthy, just ordinary". She and her husband are bankers and their son is at an international boarding school.

CaMePlaitPas · 22/12/2021 17:28

You do it to keep the tax man at bay.

dundydee · 22/12/2021 17:56

I can only assume if they think that's the bottom of the food chain, people on lower incomes don't qualify as real people, probably deserve to be poor and isn't quite the same as their situation of just not having as much as they'd like.

Yes, I see it a lot of MNs. Lots of responses seem to be quite miffed at the OP

CantGetDecentNickname · 22/12/2021 18:42

At the time when our DCs were moving from state primary to secondary schools, some parents decided to send their DCs to private schools. They mostly kept very quiet about it. I remember one mum looking very sad with downcast eyes whispering "of course it's very expensive" as if this was a traumatic thing for them and they'd be struggling in managing to send DC1 there, who then proceeded to send DC2 there as well! I think it is partly so they are not seen to be wealthy and they almost feel they have to apologise for it. I doubt they feel guilt towards the feelings of less well off people, I think they just don't want to be thought of as snobs or seen as "middle class" or whatever. It was uncool to be considered middle class back when I was at school and even though we are older, I think it has stayed.

None of them pleaded poverty though, which is something else.

RoyalFamilyFan · 22/12/2021 19:38

@oftenbaffled but they have lied to the OP. Why would you be happy to discover your friends have lied to you? I would never trust them again.

oftenbaffled · 22/12/2021 20:12

They said their income was low

They released an investment that was likely tied up and unavailable until a definitive date I.e. end of bond. So when it became available, they invested in their business venture

I can’t see the lie

And as the op believed them In the first instance, I’m guessing they don’t go on luxury long haul, or drive a premium car, children at private etc

LittleRoundRobin · 22/12/2021 20:43

@EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad

I thought this thread was going to be about that time multi millionaire Xenia got caught larping as a poor person 😂
Grin
LittleRoundRobin · 22/12/2021 20:45

@Sndhehjzugwvs Why do people pretend to be poor when they're not

For the same reason some people pretend to be wealthy/rich when they're not like some do on here Wink