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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas morning Covid test being demanded

859 replies

Quarks69 · 22/12/2021 08:27

Is everyone else having these? My sister in law has demanded this from my side of the family as her elderly parents are going to be at the dinner. With a family of five and three are my busy teens I am worried that we could end up with no xmas day if one of us is asymptomatic (for the second year running obvs).

I do get that we are in bonkers times, but Was so looking Forward to seeing everyone, including my parents, that this is making me cross...isn’t this the point of the jabs!?

OP posts:
Missey85 · 23/12/2021 07:09

I don't see the problem your SIL is looking out for her parents and no you shouldn't go if you have symptoms

ilovesooty · 23/12/2021 07:11

@takenforgrantednana

@ YukoandHiro look i dont a rats arse which varient of covid she got 6 weeks back, the fact is that she got it. the point being is that i dont want to get it and she is the biggest risk to my health due to her actions now, she has refused to curb her parties and drinking sessions and because of that shes not coming into my house. the fact i mentioned her getting covid 6 weeks ago was to illustrate how her neglegent ways are
Are you just banning her for Christmas or for the foreseeable future?
5128gap · 23/12/2021 07:26

@takenforgrantednana

well at some point this morning my husband will be having a talk with our son regarding him and his girlfriends visit to our house on xmas day, basically we are banning her from our house, and even tho they will have done a lft on the morning im sorry that isnt good enough due to constant partying the last 4 weeks, she has been out every other night! i am high risk and even having to spend my xmas eve having tests done for my lung function. you would have liked to think that this girl who my son has been living with now for 10 years would have more sense unless she is deliberately wanting to ruin all of xmas for us? i have tried to talk to my son about this but got nowhere with him claiming that he is an adult and knows what he is doing, clearly he doesnt as he is going to allow his girlfriend to kill his mother! his girlfriend has already had covid 6 weeks ago and she had to be spoken to before she saw sense and stayed at home during her quarrantine where she had to the very last minute sorted a night on the town with the girls to celebrate!
I'm not entirely surprised she would choose to go out partying rather than prioritise Christmas day. I think banning them from your home indefinitely is best for you all in the long run.
BellaChagall · 23/12/2021 08:42

Takenforgrantednana you can't say your son's girlfriend got covid because of her 'negligent ways'. It's a virus, and thousands of people have got it. It doesn't mean they've done anything wrong. I can understand that you wish she would be more careful in the days before Xmas, but you really can't blame her for getting covid 6 weeks ago.

PeeAche · 23/12/2021 08:58

We had contact with a positive case 7 days before Christmas Eve. We're following government guidance now and testing daily for 7 days. But unfortunately we are running out of tests. We have 4 left so we're skipping today that we may all test tomorrow instead. (There are 4 of us)

I've ordered 2 more boxes and they haven't arrived. Not even been despatched. Also I've phoned around every pharmacy nearby and they have none.

I think there are no more tests to be had! Anyone else experienced this?

5keletor · 23/12/2021 09:07

@PeeAche have you tried a local library? There a 2 near me that have had a pile of at least 10 LFT kits every time I've been in over the past few weeks. Not sure if it'll be the same everywhere but worth a try!

takenforgrantednana · 23/12/2021 09:33

@ilovesooty i will be banning her until the message sinks in! my health is more important than her need to go for a drink in a pub with hundreds of strangers and a gang of girls that frankly she could talk to on the phone/via facebook, like a lot of us have had to do the pat 18 months and certainly the last few weeks to ensure we can be together as a family at xmas, so if she cant put the work in to ensure that then shes made it clear she really doesnt want/deserve to be included within our family

Benjispruce5 · 23/12/2021 09:38

Can you imagine the landfill waste from all these tests. Sad

Benjispruce5 · 23/12/2021 09:39

Btw I know we have no choice but it’s like always in my mind when I do one. I did see a guy make an LFT jenga game but it seems a bit unsanitary.Grin

3WildOnes · 23/12/2021 10:19

@takenforgrantednana It sounds like you might end up pushing your son away if you ban her from your house. Presumably he will choose to spend Christmas with her over you. Are you really willing to risk your relationship with your son over her going out with friends when it is perfectly legal to do so? What if you push them both away and end up having less of a relationship with your future grandchildren?

takenforgrantednana · 23/12/2021 10:29

[quote 3WildOnes]@takenforgrantednana It sounds like you might end up pushing your son away if you ban her from your house. Presumably he will choose to spend Christmas with her over you. Are you really willing to risk your relationship with your son over her going out with friends when it is perfectly legal to do so? What if you push them both away and end up having less of a relationship with your future grandchildren?[/quote]
@ 3WildOnes yes i am prepared for doing that, a relationship can be repaired, but you cnt do that if one of the people are dead! there are and never will be future grand kids involved in their relationship as she cant have kids

5128gap · 23/12/2021 10:42

[quote takenforgrantednana]@ilovesooty i will be banning her until the message sinks in! my health is more important than her need to go for a drink in a pub with hundreds of strangers and a gang of girls that frankly she could talk to on the phone/via facebook, like a lot of us have had to do the pat 18 months and certainly the last few weeks to ensure we can be together as a family at xmas, so if she cant put the work in to ensure that then shes made it clear she really doesnt want/deserve to be included within our family[/quote]
You are asking a great deal of a young woman who you clearly dislike, and she has given you your answer. Perhaps with more understanding on both sides a compromise might have been reached, but you are very rigid, and perhaps she is too. Your attitude towards her when you accuse her of trying to kill you is over dramatic and unfair, as is blaming her for catching a virus most if us will get; and you are centering yourself too much in her life if you really believe her socialising is a malicious act towards you. I understand you not wanting her in the house, but personally would be careful to deliver that message without the hostility you show here, otherwise your relationship with your son could be at risk.

3WildOnes · 23/12/2021 10:59

@takenforgrantednana presumably you are triple vaxxed so extremely unlikely to become seriously ill with Covid let alone die. I would think very carefully about how you approach this, I fear you might live to regret being so hasty. Relationships can be repaired but sometimes they never are.

PeeAche · 23/12/2021 10:59

@Benjispruce5 I couldn't agree more. All that plastic waste is awful. Like you, it's always in my mind too. 😟 I still do the tests and I don't see how they could be anything but plastic (and disposable) but I do hate it.

wtaf37 · 23/12/2021 11:02

How busy are your teens that they cannot take 1 minute to do the test?

takenforgrantednana · 23/12/2021 11:19

[quote 3WildOnes]@takenforgrantednana presumably you are triple vaxxed so extremely unlikely to become seriously ill with Covid let alone die. I would think very carefully about how you approach this, I fear you might live to regret being so hasty. Relationships can be repaired but sometimes they never are.[/quote]
@ 3WildOnes yes im 3x vaxed but oh how wrong you are, my threasehold is much lower than yours to start with, i cant afford to have my oxygen levels any lower or im in icu on a ventilator. being 3x vaxed is purely to live in hope that i dont end up in hospital, it doesnt mean that i wont become ill

ilovesooty · 23/12/2021 11:30

[quote takenforgrantednana]@ilovesooty i will be banning her until the message sinks in! my health is more important than her need to go for a drink in a pub with hundreds of strangers and a gang of girls that frankly she could talk to on the phone/via facebook, like a lot of us have had to do the pat 18 months and certainly the last few weeks to ensure we can be together as a family at xmas, so if she cant put the work in to ensure that then shes made it clear she really doesnt want/deserve to be included within our family[/quote]
I thought she was your soon to be daughter in law. In any case she's been with your son for years. If you're banning her from your house despite her willingness to test unless she carries out her social life to your standards I wouldn't be surprised if your relationship with your son is severely impacted.

7eleven · 23/12/2021 11:35

Just remember, she’s likely to be the mother of your grandchildren in the future….

FaoinDrualus · 23/12/2021 11:50

@Quarks69 - I’m spending Christmas with my elderly mum, and have been taking a test every second day. My sister and her kids will come for Christmas Day, and she has said they will test before coming over. Mum has not ‘demanded’ this, but I can see it makes her feel more secure. The majority of people I know and have spoken to about it are doing the same, testing before meeting up with family or friends.
The jabs are not 100% effective, nobody has claimed that they are. They do greatly reduce the chances of being seriously ill, not eliminate it.
For many people though, testing positive is just very inconvenient - more so than the couple of minutes it takes to take a test. So why not just take it, and save your family the stress.

If I was your SIL I would do the same as she has, it gives her and her parents some peace of mind and I think she has every right to ask.

Squeezita · 23/12/2021 11:50

@takenforgrantednana i understand where you're coming from, my mum is also clinically extremely vulnerable due to chronic asthma and a bout of COVID would send her to hospital for weeks.

So I don't blame you for not wanting his GF in your home.

However, hasn't your son also been out with his friends, drinking at the pub etc?

Wherehasthecommonsensegone · 23/12/2021 11:56

@takenforgrantednana

@ YukoandHiro look i dont a rats arse which varient of covid she got 6 weeks back, the fact is that she got it. the point being is that i dont want to get it and she is the biggest risk to my health due to her actions now, she has refused to curb her parties and drinking sessions and because of that shes not coming into my house. the fact i mentioned her getting covid 6 weeks ago was to illustrate how her neglegent ways are
You can get COVID even if you aren’t negligent. It sounds like she has been putting herself in situations that mean she’s more likely to get it but you saying her getting covid shows she’s negligent implies that the only way you can get COVID is if you’re negligent.

If her and your son live together, are you banning him too? If not, it sounds as though you just don’t like her and don’t want her there rather than concern about catching Covid.

wonderstuff · 23/12/2021 12:53

We will test before going to family including fil who is over 80, however dh asked him if he was doing the same and he won’t! I personally think that it’s likely everyone will get this new variant at some point in the next month but is responsible to try to avoid it if you can.

takenforgrantednana · 23/12/2021 12:59

[quote Squeezita]@takenforgrantednana i understand where you're coming from, my mum is also clinically extremely vulnerable due to chronic asthma and a bout of COVID would send her to hospital for weeks.

So I don't blame you for not wanting his GF in your home.

However, hasn't your son also been out with his friends, drinking at the pub etc?[/quote]
@Squeezita no actually my son hasnt, he has been working from home too. im not banning my son from our house just her, as she has shown little to zero thought for anyone and the consequences even her mum isnt vaxed (yes shes one of them) so his girlfriends actions are equally as bad for her own mum. ok her mum wont do the route im doing, but thats her choice (silly woman)

5128gap · 23/12/2021 13:12

Its entirely illogical to ban her on the grounds of risk to you, but not the person she shares a bed with. His risk level is as high as hers due to their contact. However, it seems its less about risk than wanting to punish her. Which would only work if she wanted to come.

FeelingSoGrinchy · 23/12/2021 13:16

@takenforgrantednana

From your other thread, I'd say that you are more at risk from your grandchildren who you have to provide childcare for last minute. And that maybe you are feeling especially bitter towards your son's girlfriend as she has friends.