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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off with DP

96 replies

fountainofyouth2 · 21/12/2021 15:11

DP has broken up from work and has now decided that the garden desperately needs leaf blowing...

Whilst our DD(1) refuses to have a nap and DS(6 weeks old!!) has yet another crying fit because he's got severe reflux and is in agony.....

All whilst I've had 2 hours sleep all night, got a million things to do for Christmas, house is a shit tip and washing piled everywhere. Apparently right now is the perfect time to leaf blow! Not like we don't have other priorities.

AIBU for thinking now isn't the time and the garden can wait? Hmm

OP posts:
SameToo · 21/12/2021 15:13

It’s an utterly pointless task. I’d be annoyed.

RightOnTheEdge · 21/12/2021 15:13

YANBU! What did he say when you pointed all this out to him?

Original poster
fountainofyouth2 · 21/12/2021 15:16

@SameToo

It’s an utterly pointless task. I’d be annoyed.
I always wonder why people bother leaf blowing! Isn't that the winds job?! GrinConfused
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/12/2021 15:16

He's leaf blowing, you're Mumsnetting.

Not an awful lot getting done is there? Xmas Grin

Seriously though, once he's finished he needs to pull his weight indoors.

Original poster
fountainofyouth2 · 21/12/2021 15:17

@RightOnTheEdge

YANBU! What did he say when you pointed all this out to him?
Tbh I'm quietly stewing and haven't said anything yet.
OP posts:
madisonbridges · 21/12/2021 15:19

What's wrong with leaf blowing? It's not pointless. Leaves get soggy, don't move anywhere and can cause fungal and damp problems.

EmpressCixi · 21/12/2021 15:20

Removing leaves isn’t pointless if they are on your grass, they’re killing it. If they are on a gravel drive, they’re encouraging weeds.

I do hate leaf blowers though. Polluting and noisy.

But at least he’s getting things done. What are you doing? Probably same as I am. Sitting with my feet up, a cup of hot chocolate and being lazy.

mamas12 · 21/12/2021 15:21

Would fuck me off to
So
You need to tell him that job x and job y needs doing and which One does he want to do then do it
After that then present him with the choice of two more to chose from ( you prob know which pair to offer him so that you get to do what you want )
Keep doing it till you need a rest and tell him you need the rest so no noise

CheddarGorgeous · 21/12/2021 15:22

Tell him! don't silently seethe.

FrenchBoule · 21/12/2021 15:23

YANBU OP but

Stop stewing and speak to him directly. Tell him that there is stuff to be done in the house.

Topseyt · 21/12/2021 15:24

I've always considered that leaf blowing is one of those jobs that will do itself if you leave it long enough and we get enough wind.

For the remaining ones, there is always the first exercise of the lawn mower next spring.

As an aside, I saw a clip on the news yesterday of Michael Gove out with a leaf blower in his Surrey constituency. He looked rather comical.

longtompot · 21/12/2021 15:28

My neighbour blows the leaves on his lawn. It's noisy and stinks as he uses a petrol blower. I'd rather he raked them into a line and then mowed them (with his smelly and noisy petrol mower) so they break down quicker and feed the lawn.

OneRuleForThem · 21/12/2021 15:31

@fountainofyouth2
Tbh I'm quietly stewing and haven't said anything yet.

Automatic YABU

Original poster
fountainofyouth2 · 21/12/2021 15:34

He's now building a telescope ffs!

Nothing against leaf blowing just the timing of him deciding to do it now when I could really use a hand with the DC and household stuff.

Feel like I constantly have a mental running to do list that doesn't seem to even cross DP's mind Sad

Still feeling all the post partum hormones too and I feel so sorry for DS who is either feeding or crying in pain Sad waiting on the GP for a prescription for some omeprazole but it's a special order and unlikely to be in before Christmas.

OP posts:
ChocolateCakeYum · 21/12/2021 15:36

Op shouldn’t have to say anything. Her DP should be stepping up and actually helping out with the tasks family, not pissing around with a leaf blower avoiding it all.

Lock him out OP (I jest, maybe smack the blower around his head instead).

EmpressCixi · 21/12/2021 15:37

Just talk to each other. Our to do lists are joint and we are always working through them as a team. Why would whatever is on your kind automatically also be on his mind? No one is a mind reader in real life. You have to actually communicate (nicely) to work as a team.

Original poster
fountainofyouth2 · 21/12/2021 15:38

@ChocolateCakeYum

Op shouldn’t have to say anything. Her DP should be stepping up and actually helping out with the tasks family, not pissing around with a leaf blower avoiding it all.

Lock him out OP (I jest, maybe smack the blower around his head instead).

I did accidentally lock him out, force of habit trying the back door as I walked past and locked it Grin
OP posts:
EmpressCixi · 21/12/2021 15:40

@ChocolateCakeYum
Clearing up dead leaves is a family task, unlike complaining on Mumsnet about which tasks your DH is doing.

If she thinks something is higher priority, of course she has to say something.

ChocolateCakeYum · 21/12/2021 15:44

[quote EmpressCixi]@ChocolateCakeYum
Clearing up dead leaves is a family task, unlike complaining on Mumsnet about which tasks your DH is doing.

If she thinks something is higher priority, of course she has to say something.[/quote]
Cleaning up leaves is a waste of bloody time.

Men shouldn’t need a task list, they’re adults maybe instead of asking to do this that and the other perhaps she should ask him to adult, 🤷‍♀️

LostForIdeas · 21/12/2021 15:44

Tim to give the baby, litterally as well as the tioddler so you can get the more urgent things done.

Why are you letting him get away with murder?
You are seethung but are not stoppig him to do all that. Why do you think he will suddenly get the message and be enlightened that it is ot the most helpful thing to do just now?

Seriously, tell him he deals with the baby and toddler whilst you get some sleep. Ir whilst you tidy the house. whatever.
But dont let him do whatever he wants 'bnecaue he hasnt realised all the other things that needs to be done'
(Cue he DOES KNOW. He just doesnt wan to do that and is chosing something more interesting to do instead)

PumkinEye · 21/12/2021 15:47

Make a list of things that need to get done, not just a mental one.

LostForIdeas · 21/12/2021 15:48

Btw I agree with yoyu @ChocolateCakeYum.
But failing him knowing, the OP has to give him a clear message instead. Not asking to help. Not telling him to do
But telling him he is now in charge of . I like the baby and toddelr one because
1- it's a good ay for him to rea;lise how hard it is
2- it's easier to tell him to find out how to do it (The baby is crying - well yes I can hear that. You'll have to find a way to calm him because I don't kbnow weither)
3- the OP can then chose to do whatever she wants to do (as the baby is relly the sticking poiunt that stops her from doing ) so she can chose what is the most important/urgent/what she fancy doing

Muchmorethan · 21/12/2021 15:50

No point moaning on here. Do something about it.

HollowTalk · 21/12/2021 15:51

@WorraLiberty

He's leaf blowing, you're Mumsnetting.

Not an awful lot getting done is there? Xmas Grin

Seriously though, once he's finished he needs to pull his weight indoors.

She has a six week old baby and a toddler!
LostForIdeas · 21/12/2021 15:52

[quote EmpressCixi]@ChocolateCakeYum
Clearing up dead leaves is a family task, unlike complaining on Mumsnet about which tasks your DH is doing.

If she thinks something is higher priority, of course she has to say something.[/quote]
Except that the OP is probably doing that whilst holding the baby upright etc... which she cant stop doing.

Now of course, she could stop MNtting and stare at the wall instead. But I am not sure it''s an efficient way to solve the problem.

As for the leave blowing, the issue is NOT whether its a family task or needs doing. It's the timing. Its the fact he is chosing to do what he fancies doing wo asking the OP if she needs a break from the dcs. Or needs sleep. Or if there is something urgent that needs to be done that he didn't know about (or chose to ignore).

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