nicknames for neighbours

[TheCreamCaker]

Do any of you have nicknames for friends and/or neighbours? Over the years, we've had:

The Lottery Queen (she once won a few thousand and bragged about it for years)
Internet King (used to sit on his PC in the window - with no shirt on)
Father Ted (got a mass of white hair)
Roman Helmet (hair in that shape which is plastered to her head)
Mr Muscle (very petite and short man)
Honey Monster (huge woman with a moustache)
Big 'tache Slipper Man (no description needed)
The Mole (neighbourhood watch lady)
Barry the Bag (always shopping)

Private Eye (nosy cow next door, can tell you what number 19 did last Wednesday at 3pm and how far along number 5's divorce is)

The Gays (affectionately, not homophobic!)

John Major (looks a bit like John Major... inventive)

Binbags (Big row once, he was seen leaving with his stuff in binbags. He must have moved back in at some point, they clearly hate each other)

Head Girl (Runs the street Whatsapp group. Aggressively pursued non-clappers last year, every Thursday. Most ostentatious window displays for Christmas/Halloween)

The Borrowers (They're not small, they just ALWAYS borrow stuff - every other day the group whatsapp is 'Can I borrow a bucket/some flour/a high chair/a hair dryer/some scissors/some paper/an iron?'. Their house must be devoid of any stuff whatsoever. They have fancy cars but apparently no household items at all)

@saturdaymorningyawn

We lived opposite a lady we used to call Makka Pakka as she used to clean and paint the stones white (on a Regular basis) in her front garden.

I'm howling at this

The annoying neighbour with the 8 kids, married to the nice neighbour with the 8 kids
Knows it all
The watching woman
Attic woman
Weird bum woman
The old old lady, who lives with her daughter, the young old lady
The alternative couple
Nice moped lady

Chinless Wonder - a bloke that used to live 3 doors down until a couple of weeks ago, who was thick as shit, but thought he was something special. He really didn't have a chin either.

Curtain Twitcher - lives a few doors up, across the road. During lockdown, you'd see her curtains move when you walked past her house. I'd walk past multiple times in a day on purpose.

Wayne and Waynetta - no idea who they are, but they live right down the end of the road. House is a shit pit, always a rollie hanging out their gobs. They are minging.

When I was a kid we called the man near us Eddie the Eagle. He always knew what was going on in the street and looked a bit like his namesake!

There was also G. I. Jim who was like a knock off G.I.Joe! He was in the army and a complete plonker. Every week he’d chase the bin men with the bags he’d forgotten to put out. Every. Week.

The Lardies
Mr & Mrs Essex
Mr & Mrs T

We have a neighbour who used to wear a full on football kit on match days socks included so he was obviously full kit wanker but then he levelled up when we saw him wearing a tshirt saying “Always Going Deep” so that became his name from then on. Don’t actually know his real name 🤣

Neighbour in the house before last was nicknamed "The Tombliboo" because he was so wee and when his family visited they were all wee as well and used to move around in a little flock chirping like Tombliboos. They were lovely though, it wasn't supposed to be a derogatory nickname although I'm sure he wouldn't have though it was.

At the next house we had Cruella and the Wank Badger. She was a fucking horrible person who drove like a rally driver in a small cul de sac where kids played out. The whole road called her this, it wasn't our invention.

Wank badger was because he was an unpleasant wanky man with a mallon streak in his hair.

Only have Chuckles and his idiot parking twat girlfriend where I am currently (all other neighbours are lovely and inoffensive) but in my last place there were:

The Hills Have Eyes
Her With The Hair (a mullet)
That fucking fishwife bitch (nasty piece of work) and Son of Dork (her idiot son)
Liz the gossip
The nice family with the collie
Mike the Jag
Van Thug and his wife Mary the Misery, they had a vile daughter too.

I was so glad to leave. I imagine they thought I was a snobby up-myself blow-in because they'd all been born in the village and never left. Nothing went unnoticed, my other nickname might have been "Gentleman Callers" because I occasionally invited platonic male friends round for a meal.

Humpty Dumpty- the street big head who upgraded his car every six months and had a gardener for a small patch of fake grass and two bushes in his garden. Then let slip to another neighbour everything was paid for on credit cards. 🙄

Cerise - an older lady who clearly modelled herself on Pink with the same short spiky hair and hot pants showing off leg tattoos...

We have Popeye the Sailorman and the howlers
Kath and Kim next door
Frosty Knickers, very unfriendly
Fly Tipper arseholes
Mrs Merton and Malcolm (90's reference there!)
The Gobshites
Cliff Richard and Una Stubbs- moved out recently (they converted a bus into a mobile holiday home)
Mr and Mrs Whippy, they once had a load of massive deserts delivered to us by Uber Eats by mistake
Dog Man
Pit Lane, he's always got a car in a state of disrepair on his drive

My parents have :-

News of the world (local gossip)
Smokey joe (heavy smoker who’s house smells of cigarettes when you walk past)

We have:-

Princess *** (name would out me !). Acts like she owns the place.
Them at no.1 (house has had 3 owners in as many years.)
We also used to have Skip man who moved a few years ago. He owned a skip company and brought the full skips back to his house presumably to check if anything worth keeping then drove the still full skip back out the street.

Bitch witch - noisy party bint next door on one side

Fat lad - because he is, on the other side (and cant close a door inside or outdoors without slamming it).

Amazonian woman across the way - she's really tall and well built.

Most of the others we don't really think about. I hate to think what they call us

My brother has:

Sicknote - always off sick from work, but mainly due to hypochondria

Bowling Pins - cycles so much his calves look like upside down bowling pins

The Spoons - she uses a spoon instead of a trowel when planting stuff in the front garden.

The Pontipines - large family

The Twits - looks like them

My Mum has:

Mr Stringfellow - excessive use of string in his garden to tie plants into weird bunches

I have a cautionary tale for you all

When I was about 6, our neighbour - a bit of a curtain twitcher - knocked our door.

'is mummy in, dear?' she asked me.

'MUUMMMMM! IT'S MRS NOSY PARKER!!' I bellowed.

Poor DM was all at once...

So be warned!

'MUUMMMMM! IT'S MRS NOSY PARKER!!' I bellowed.

I did the same answering the phone. Mum's co-worker, aka "silly cow" was calling. "Muuum! Cow wants to speak!"

We have 'That Bastard Doctor' to be fair, he referred to himself as that, at least he's aware he's an arsehole :P

We have loads but most of them are too offensive to put here. Some of the cleaner ones:
George (originally called him George Zimmerman, because he uses one of those zimmer frames on wheels)
Handy Ghandi (she does loads of DIY and looks like a white Mahatma Gandhi)
Pinky and Pervy (she always wears pink and he always looks at my chest rather than face when I unfortunately fail to avoid having to speak to him)
The Royles (they're like the Royle Family from the tv series)
Hearing Aids (he's hard of hearing, pale and thin, and called Adrian)

We have the

BGC - big ginger cunts, self explanatory
Frump - self explanatory
Tits - likes to wear a low cut vest top in summer and strut around outside

The Quirkies who are just plain weird and Porky Man who parades his lilly white pig trotter like legs around 12 months a year in shorts.

Beardy: he has a beard and is obsessed with keeping the footpath outside his house clean and free of leaves.
Dog shit woman: yelled at me from across the road when I picked up my dog's poo and put it in my bin that was out for rubbish collection. Told me to take the poo with me and not put it in someone else's bin. Yelled back at her that it was my bin and I lived there. Idiot.
Crazy Cat Lady: self explanatory. Nosy bitch.
The Smoker in no.3: Heavy chain smoker who lived in no.3.
Baldy: Gleaming bald shaved head and liked to do woodwork shirtless on his balcony. He was nice to look at.
The Twins: self explanatory.
The crazy bitch in no.6: again, self explanatory. It was memorable when she went right off at her ex in front of their children when he was picking them up for a custody visit. Poor kids. Relieved when she moved out.

We have weirdo next door. He's very odd. On the rare occasion it snows, he shovels it all off his drive onto our garden + countless other weird things.
They're quiet though and I can tolerate it.

We've got Ned opposite us (not Ed Sheeran).
He looks vaguely a bit like Ed but really isn't as charismatic and lovely as Ed 😉
He clearly isn't a multi-millionaire either!

Basil Fawlty - opposite neighbour who looks very like John Cleese & frequently behaves like Basil in the episode where he beats his car with a stick - except it's usually the lawnmower

The Witch - NDN who grubbed out our old hedge without discussion, shortly after moving in, as she wanted a nice new fence & then was huffy as she found me "less than friendly" afterwards

Love this thread!
We have bin tramps 😂 horrible mouthy neighbour who reserves a parking space with her bins! Someone else copied so they've now been elevated to OG bin tramps 😂

Oh , how could I forget PPE Dave ! Any job he does outside, whether it’s cutting the grass or cleaning his car is done with full protective gear , including a hi viz jacket!