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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to babysitting Christmas Eve?

95 replies

ToNotHelp · 20/12/2021 14:53

My 16 year old cousin lives with his mum 90 minutes drive from me, my uncle (his dad) and my dad (his uncle).

My uncle is a single dad to his two younger children, who do not have any contact with their mother.

16yo cousin rides a scooter to go between homes but left his scooter at my dads house last time he was here (I don’t really know why).

My cousin asked my dad if my dad could pick him up on Christmas Eve so that he could stay with my uncle for Christmas then ride the scooter back to his mums house boxing day morning. However my uncle is working so dad is babysitting the younger two children on Christmas Eve – my two younger cousins get car sick so doing a 3 hour round trip in the car on Christmas Eve wouldn’t be good for them so dad volunteered me to babysit (I drive but don’t have my own car and it’s too expensive to be insured on my dads or uncles cars).

I feel bad for saying no, but Christmas Eve is my only time with DD over Christmas apart from today (I am also a single parent and DD goes to her dads early Christmas Day and comes back late Boxing Day). She loves her cousins and would be fine with them but I go back to work on 27th December and she’s in holiday club from then, and she’s also in holiday club tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday as I’m working. 3 hours in my uncles house waiting for my dad and older cousin means no time to really do anything Christmasy with DD or go round to my family with presents. As DD doesn't see them CD we open presents with different family members on Christmas Eve, DD loves it and enjoys looking at all the lights.

If I don’t babysit my younger cousins, my older cousin will be on his own all over Christmas as his mum and stepdad are both working, so I do feel guilty.

Cousins mum refuses to drive him or pick him up, she split with uncle when cousin was 4 and moved to be closer to her family, she refused to do any of the travelling and until the younger boys where born (they’re 4 and 2) my dad and uncle sorted travel between them.

WWYD?

OP posts:
msbevvy · 20/12/2021 14:59

Is there no way the cousin can get to his dad's by public transport?

HerRoyalNotness · 20/12/2021 15:04

I would do it but bring them to your house and do cookie decorating or something else along those lines with them

DPotter · 20/12/2021 15:06

YANBU

Today is Monday, Christmas Eve is Friday, that 4 whole days. Is it truly beyond the wit of 3 men to sort out a straightforward problem between themselves without a woman ruining her Christmas time with her DD?

Step back from them and let them sort it out

Akire · 20/12/2021 15:09

Why can’t the 16y get the train or bus before hand to pick up the scooter it’s only the 20th now. The uncle who is working will finish Xmas Eve at what 5pm? Why can’t they go and pick him up then? If their own parents can’t sort or grandparents I’m not sure why it should fall to you as the auntie when have own children to sort.

Squeezita · 20/12/2021 15:11

YANBU, your dad was out of order for volunteering your services.

Say no now, giving them time to work it out between them.

Squeezita · 20/12/2021 15:11

Is it truly beyond the wit of 3 men to sort out a straightforward problem between themselves without a woman ruining her Christmas time with her DD?

Exactly!

ScaredOfOverDiagnosis · 20/12/2021 15:14

Your Dad had no right to volunteer your time.

Your cousin can get a train, a bus an Uber.

Your time is your own.
Don't let these people walk all over you.

Original poster
ToNotHelp · 20/12/2021 15:15

@HerRoyalNotness

I would do it but bring them to your house and do cookie decorating or something else along those lines with them
My house isn't big enough for 3 children, small 2 bed flat with living room and kitchen together in one room, I'm classed as overcrowded with just me and DD.
OP posts:
123ZYX · 20/12/2021 15:16

Is the split of Christmas with your ex something you're ok with? It sounds like all the men are getting what they want at your expense.

SerfNTerf · 20/12/2021 15:17

You can't fit 3 children in your house for 3 hours? Confused

Fair enough if you just don't want to do it but don't try and claim you don't have room to have an extra 2 kids round for 3 hours!

Original poster
ToNotHelp · 20/12/2021 15:20

@123ZYX

Is the split of Christmas with your ex something you're ok with? It sounds like all the men are getting what they want at your expense.
@123ZYX it's court ordered that way so I have no choice yes we did have a male judge
OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 20/12/2021 15:21

Your dad didn't need to get you involved it's fine to say no and stick to it.

Cherrysoup · 20/12/2021 15:25

Not your problem. Why can't your cousin get a bus/train to retrieve his scooter?

Howshouldibehave · 20/12/2021 15:26

I would be cross that your dad has volunteered you but really, it sounds like you are making excuses!

I had three children in a beach hut all day in the rain in the summer-I’m sure that was much smaller than your 2-bedroomed flat!

Poptart4 · 20/12/2021 15:29

I don't see how 2 people in a 2 bedroom could be classed as overcrowded even in a small 2 bedroom flat... (misses the point of the thread).

Anyway it's only Monday, surely they can sort something out by Friday. Like others have said he could get the train down now or your dad could give him a lift between now and then.

fourdayholiday · 20/12/2021 15:34

You said no now, would have been unreasonable say the day before. Not your responsibility and you have sensible reasons.

Berthatydfil · 20/12/2021 15:36

Why should 3 men sort out a problem when they can get a woman to do it?
Because it’s easier. (For them)

Yanbu - it’s not your responsibility - public transport is running until Friday so I can’t see how he can’t manage to get over to collect his moped.

Beautiful3 · 20/12/2021 15:37

Why can't the cousin catch a train or bus now to go collect his scooter?

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 20/12/2021 15:42

I agree, something sounds odd, I can’t believe there is no way for someone to drive him before Christmas eve to retrieve his scooter OR for him to take public transport. Or is it that they don’t want to change the plans they have for the next few days? In which case why expect you to change your plans?

MzHz · 20/12/2021 15:44

@DPotter

YANBU

Today is Monday, Christmas Eve is Friday, that 4 whole days. Is it truly beyond the wit of 3 men to sort out a straightforward problem between themselves without a woman ruining her Christmas time with her DD?

Step back from them and let them sort it out

Couldn’t have put it better myself… I hate the collective uselessness and how a woman is the only answer they’ve considered
Muchmorethan · 20/12/2021 15:44

Absolutely do not give up your time for them!!

Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on yours.

If you do it you are basically prioritising them over your own DD.

ShinyHappyPoster · 20/12/2021 15:45

It seems like there are obvious solutions to this that mean your cousin wouldn't be on his own
eg your uncle or your dad drive over to get your cousin on Christmas morning; your cousin uses public transport.
If you wanted then you could also consider taking the younger DCs along with you on Christmas Eve and just do everything you had already planned.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/12/2021 15:47

Plenty of other adults who can get this sorted. Your priority is your DD. That’s as it should be.

Etinoxaurus · 20/12/2021 15:51

@HerRoyalNotness

I would do it but bring them to your house and do cookie decorating or something else along those lines with them
Or get them delivered to your house.
DisforDarkChocolate · 20/12/2021 15:52

This is not your problem, do make it yours.

Stay home otherwise you'll get back to work absolutely worn out.

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