To say no to babysitting Christmas Eve?

[ToNotHelp]

My 16 year old cousin lives with his mum 90 minutes drive from me, my uncle (his dad) and my dad (his uncle).

My uncle is a single dad to his two younger children, who do not have any contact with their mother.

16yo cousin rides a scooter to go between homes but left his scooter at my dads house last time he was here (I don’t really know why).

My cousin asked my dad if my dad could pick him up on Christmas Eve so that he could stay with my uncle for Christmas then ride the scooter back to his mums house boxing day morning. However my uncle is working so dad is babysitting the younger two children on Christmas Eve – my two younger cousins get car sick so doing a 3 hour round trip in the car on Christmas Eve wouldn’t be good for them so dad volunteered me to babysit (I drive but don’t have my own car and it’s too expensive to be insured on my dads or uncles cars).

I feel bad for saying no, but Christmas Eve is my only time with DD over Christmas apart from today (I am also a single parent and DD goes to her dads early Christmas Day and comes back late Boxing Day). She loves her cousins and would be fine with them but I go back to work on 27th December and she’s in holiday club from then, and she’s also in holiday club tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday as I’m working. 3 hours in my uncles house waiting for my dad and older cousin means no time to really do anything Christmasy with DD or go round to my family with presents. As DD doesn't see them CD we open presents with different family members on Christmas Eve, DD loves it and enjoys looking at all the lights.

If I don’t babysit my younger cousins, my older cousin will be on his own all over Christmas as his mum and stepdad are both working, so I do feel guilty.

Cousins mum refuses to drive him or pick him up, she split with uncle when cousin was 4 and moved to be closer to her family, she refused to do any of the travelling and until the younger boys where born (they’re 4 and 2) my dad and uncle sorted travel between them.

WWYD?

Your priority and responsibility is to you daughter

You are being emotionally blackmailed to sort someone elses shit out at your expense.

No is the correct answer. Otherwise you can print doormat on your forehead for their future reference.

How does the cousin normally get over to your Dads?
Leave them to it.

I'm also wondering about the public transport. Surely he can get part of the way there that way you wouldn't have to baby sit for so long? Can you ask your dad to go good and early so that you have all of the afternoon to go visiting?

Would your dad and uncle help you if needed? Even if not I couldn't leave cousin alone for Christmas so if not other options then I would babysit. Would also be a bit disappointed though.

@SerfNTerf

You can't fit 3 children in your house for 3 hours?

Fair enough if you just don't want to do it but don't try and claim you don't have room to have an extra 2 kids round for 3 hours!

Agree with this PP sorry. If you don't want to do it just say so, but you're not so overcrowded that you can't have 3 children in your house for 3 hours. Am also puzzzled why you and your DD each having your own bedroom is classed as overcrowded?

There's no reason they can't get him earlier. The evening of the 23rd for example.

If you don’t want to do it, and I totally get why, then fine but don’t make out you can’t fit 3 kids in a 2 bed flat for a few hours because it’s utter nonsense. Their dilemma is not your problem to solve. Say no and own your decision. There’s no need for bullshit excuses.

Just say NO

And let the big clever men sort it out.

If your dd would enjoy the time spend with her cousins, then for the amount of time you’ll have to babysit for, I’d do it. You’ll still have plenty of time just you and dd on Christmas Eve. I feel very sorry for this 16yo that isn’t being prioritised by either of his parents on Christmas.

If the cousin is mature enough to normally travel 90 minutes on a scooter, he's mature enough to make the same journey via public transport.

Your dad had no right to volunteer your services.

Maybe agree to it, but earlier in the week. Christmas Eve is a special day/evening in my house, I wouldn't disrupt it for someone else's problem. This isn't your problem.

I would say that and perhaps offer to baby sit the evening before (if that’s what you are willing to do). Alternatively your uncle could pay a babysitter or he could pick your cousin up after work and your dad could babysit the kids.

Is it truly beyond the wit of 3 men to sort out a straightforward problem between themselves without a woman ruining her Christmas time with her DD?

This!

Surely there’s some point in the next few days when your dad or uncle can drive over there? Or your cousin can get a train?

Or some one picks up counsin on Christmas morning? Or uncle doesn’t go out when he planned to.

I get why you do t want to help, but do you really want your 16 year old cousin on his own?

Or alternatively your young cousins being sick in the car?

Yes he should look to see if he can get public transport, but how would you feel if this was your child, stuck somewhere away from family and no other family member would help

I also don’t see how you can be classed as overcrowded in a 2 bed flat for two of you

But you do what you feel is best

Your dad was wrong to volunteer you and your time, it's as simple as that, doesn't matter if its Xmas or national cake day!

Say no, let them sort it out as the 16 year is more than capable of using public transport to get hid own scooter that he stupidly left behind!!

Not exactly 3 wise men are they.

I'm also curious to know why all this stuff has to be done on Christmas Eve, why can't he get the scooter before then?

small 2 bed flat with living room and kitchen together in one room, I'm classed as overcrowded with just me and DD.
.Two people living in a two bedroomed flat is hardly overcrowded!! And no one is proposing the kids stay over, just to visit for a few hours. I'm sure you can manage that!!

'No I can't I'm with my daughter before she disappears off to her dads.'

And don't get into any discussion.

Although I still can't work out why your dad babysitting means he has volunteered you. If he is doing it why do you need to?

@Berthatydfil

Why should 3 men sort out a problem when they can get a woman to do it? Because it’s easier. (For them)

Yanbu - it’s not your responsibility - public transport is running until Friday so I can’t see how he can’t manage to get over to collect his moped.

Your father is a complete CF to volunteer you.

Stick to what suits you.

If he can ride a scooter a 90 minute distance, he can catch a bus or a train. Or whatever. Just say you can't, it's not your problem.

Your cousin needs to use public transport to go and pick up his scooter.

If your dad is so keen to be helpful, he can meet the cousin half way/ drop the scooter off etc.

Not up to you to sort their logistics

Once I gladly had 2 three year olds come to hang out in my one bed flat for a few hours. We did a messy activity and they had a snack. Then We did some reading and they proceeded to removed every book from the shelves they could reach. Repeatedly. Great game apparently. So I totally get it when you say you don’t want two extra kids in your space. It’s not about them fitting in physically, it’s about the labour around during and after the visit that’s making you feel overwhelmed and that you don’t have space for.

Don’t change your plans with your daughter. She’s your responsibility and you’re making memories with her. Your cousin had the same with his family when he was your daughters age, he shouldn’t be your priority.