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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to babysitting Christmas Eve?

95 replies

ToNotHelp · 20/12/2021 14:53

My 16 year old cousin lives with his mum 90 minutes drive from me, my uncle (his dad) and my dad (his uncle).

My uncle is a single dad to his two younger children, who do not have any contact with their mother.

16yo cousin rides a scooter to go between homes but left his scooter at my dads house last time he was here (I don’t really know why).

My cousin asked my dad if my dad could pick him up on Christmas Eve so that he could stay with my uncle for Christmas then ride the scooter back to his mums house boxing day morning. However my uncle is working so dad is babysitting the younger two children on Christmas Eve – my two younger cousins get car sick so doing a 3 hour round trip in the car on Christmas Eve wouldn’t be good for them so dad volunteered me to babysit (I drive but don’t have my own car and it’s too expensive to be insured on my dads or uncles cars).

I feel bad for saying no, but Christmas Eve is my only time with DD over Christmas apart from today (I am also a single parent and DD goes to her dads early Christmas Day and comes back late Boxing Day). She loves her cousins and would be fine with them but I go back to work on 27th December and she’s in holiday club from then, and she’s also in holiday club tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday as I’m working. 3 hours in my uncles house waiting for my dad and older cousin means no time to really do anything Christmasy with DD or go round to my family with presents. As DD doesn't see them CD we open presents with different family members on Christmas Eve, DD loves it and enjoys looking at all the lights.

If I don’t babysit my younger cousins, my older cousin will be on his own all over Christmas as his mum and stepdad are both working, so I do feel guilty.

Cousins mum refuses to drive him or pick him up, she split with uncle when cousin was 4 and moved to be closer to her family, she refused to do any of the travelling and until the younger boys where born (they’re 4 and 2) my dad and uncle sorted travel between them.

WWYD?

OP posts:

oftenbaffled · 20/12/2021 19:38

[quote TatianaBis]@oftenbaffled

Why should she?[/quote]
She should do whatever the hell she likes

But she’s daft to say she can’t have two extra family kids for 3 hours because of overcrowding in a 2 bed flat!

oftenbaffled · 20/12/2021 19:42

Just say that you don’t want to because finish late and very limited time with own child

My point is… avoid making up daft nonsense that having the two for a couple of hours is going to result in “overcrowding” in a 2 bed flat (actually it is even more daft than that, as OP claims that even if just her and her daughter in the 2 bed flat, it has been assessed to be overcrowded!)

BungleandGeorge · 20/12/2021 19:59

You want to spend Christmas Eve with just your daughter- very understandable! There must be some point over the next four days when they can sort it out themselves, they can’t be working 24/7

Original poster

ToNotHelp · 20/12/2021 21:40

@Sally872

Would your dad and uncle help you if needed? Even if not I couldn't leave cousin alone for Christmas so if not other options then I would babysit. Would also be a bit disappointed though.

My Uncle helps me out in the long school holidays when paying for a lot of childcare gets expensive so rather than 3 or 4 days a week holiday club I pay for 2 days a week and uncle covers the other days for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

ToNotHelp · 20/12/2021 21:48

@aloris

You have so little time with your daughter over Christmas, I don't think it is fair to ask you to spend it babysitting. Your dad was inconsiderate to volunteer your time on Christmas Eve when he knows you are not going to have your daughter on Christmas Day.

Presumably Uncle and Dad will both be home on Christmas Day. Why can't one of them go pick him up Christmas morning?

Do you at least get alternate Christmas Days with your daughter? If not, do you feel comfortable saying why? Kinda getting the impression here that everything is all about catering to the menz.

@aloris no I give her up every Christmas to her dad because that was what was decided in Court, I get every New Year with her which isn''t anywhere near the same but hey I don't complain, I just get on with it.

OP posts:

aloris · 20/12/2021 22:10

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. That sounds awful, to be honest. You're very good to deal with it as well as you do. In that case I would say, even more, that you should feel enabled to protect that time with your daughter, and don't let others encroach on it. Does Santa at least get to visit your house?

Original poster

ToNotHelp · 20/12/2021 22:13

@aloris

@aloris he does, we do presents on Christmas Eve then first thing before breakfast santa presents, then she's off to her dads.

OP posts:

gah2teenagers · 20/12/2021 22:28

Google the term HMO then tell me you are overcrowded because believe me you aren’t. I’ve seen some truly tragic scenarios. However this is not your problem to sort leave them to it.

worriedatthemoment · 20/12/2021 22:57

Difficult one s your uncle has your dd. Lot and helps you out in holidays
Is there anyway your dad could get cousin day before and you help babysit then
Or is there a train he can get even some of the way so your dad only needs to pop out for 30 mins ?

worriedatthemoment · 20/12/2021 22:58

Seems unfair you wasn't awArded every other Christmas ?

Ubiquery · 21/12/2021 11:39

So your DD has Christmas Eve and wakes up Christmas Day with you, and then finishes the day with her dad?

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 21/12/2021 11:42

They should sort it out themselves although I can't see the harm in your DD spending a bit of time with her cousins (I think it's cousins I couldn't really follow who was who) around Christmas too.

AryaStarkWolf · 21/12/2021 11:45

@Ubiquery

So your DD has Christmas Eve and wakes up Christmas Day with you, and then finishes the day with her dad?

That sounds fair especially in the Santa years, Christmas morning is probably the best bit for children/parents.

knittingaddict · 21/12/2021 12:33

My house isn't big enough for 3 children, small 2 bed flat with living room and kitchen together in one room, I'm classed as overcrowded with just me and DD.

I don't think that you should sacrifice your time with your daughter, but this comment doesn't help. You don't need a weak excuse like this. My daughter lived in a flat exactly like this for a couple of years with TWO small children. No one would class it as overcrowded.

Snoken · 21/12/2021 12:55

I would just say no to this. You and your daughter need that time to yourselves. Your dad can drive over and pick the cousin up after your uncle has finished work, and he can look after his own kids.

Muchmorethan · 23/12/2021 13:14

Have you decided what to do OP?

Josette77 · 23/12/2021 13:35

I would say yes, especially as your uncle gives you money for childcare.
For three hours I don't see the problem. Given he helps you I think you are a CF to say no to a few hours.

Pieminster · 23/12/2021 13:48

OP conveniently isn't commenting on all the over crowding comments.

oftenbaffled · 23/12/2021 13:50

@Pieminster

OP conveniently isn't commenting on all the over crowding comments.

With good reason

It’s utter nonsense and pure fabrication

Muchmorethan · 23/12/2021 14:07

OP isn't commenting at all!!

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